To Stay Strong: A Holby City Fan Fiction (Kian & OC #3)(Complete)

Chapter 15

Kian awoke in the morning, and everything felt surreal. The day of the accident, the scan, the miscarriage, it all felt like a terrible dream.

Haley was still asleep in front of him. He couldn't believe that his entire world had crashed around him. He felt like the world was falling apart. There was a lump in his throat, and a slight tear in his eyes. A few more tears fell down his cheeks. He dried his eyes quickly.

The day that ensued was a sad one. Haley looked so crushed. Her eyes were swollen and she had dark circles under them. She wanted to work, but her family needed her. Kian was not much better looking. Nicky, although being Haley's best friend, was the last to know.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" She yelled over the phone.

"I'm sorry. It was a private matter."  Haley shrugged. She hung up with Nicky. Haley saw a half knitted baby bootie on her needles. With a sob, she unraveled it and threw the yarn in the trash. She didn't want to be reminded.  Farrah seemed to pick up on their depressed mood. While Haley lay down in the bedroom Farrah looked at Kian.

"Why Mummy so sad?" She wondered why her mummy wasn't playing with her, why she was in bed all day. Farrah looked at her father and back at her mother, biting her lip.
"She's just tired, baby girl." He said softly.
"Mummy sad?"
Kian nodded.

"What make Mummy sad?" Farrah asked, her eyes large. Maybe she knew something was up or was confused.

"Mummy wasn't feeling well the other day." He answered.
Haley was still curled up in the bed.
Farrah padded over to the bedroom.  She stood on her tiptoes to pat Haley's head. "I love you, Mummy." She said, handing her mother one of her baby blankets so it draped on Haley's shoulders. "Feel better Mummy."

"I feel fine." Haley said. Farrah seemed skeptical.

Haley looked at her little girl. She hugged her tight.

"I love you too, sweetie."
"I nap with you?" Farrah asked.

"Sure, sweetie. You can take a nap with me."  Farrah clambered onto the queen sized bed and the two of them were soon fast asleep. Haley knew that she was tired, but she had a feeling Kian wouldn't be able to sleep.

Kian felt the withdrawal symptoms come. He wanted those pills. It was so hard, but he needed to stay strong for his family. But he could not stop thinking about how much pain the demon of addiction was causing him. It dulled his pain when Vanessa died, would it help losing the baby he would have had with Haley?

Kian went into the pantry. He knew where the bottle was; he had found it making dinner for Farrah. He opened it, tapped out two pills and swallowed them without a thought. The high was short, and it didn't help him forget what had happened yesterday. But it was better than feeling nothing. It kept him from remembering. It kept him sane. It helped him cope with his emotions.
It helped him deal with the grief that he felt inside.
But it was also painful.
Kian sat there on the floor, staring at the wall. He couldn't get the image of Haley lying in the hospital bed out of his mind. It had been the hardest thing he ever had to go through.
They didn't talk when they went to bed that night.Kian slipped into bed, holding Haley. She was so quiet and fragile. Kian knew he had to be the strong one, he had to be strong for Haley. Haley broke the silence.

"Kian, Are you still taking the pills? You should be over the worst of your injury by now."

"I stopped last week." He said. The lie felt like a knife to his chest.

Haley looked so empty. She turned towards the wall.

"I don't want to wake up in the morning." She said.
"We will. " He told her.

Kian woke up to his body shaking. He took a pill and fell back into a deep sleep. He had never lied to his wife before. He was going to have to keep doing it. But at this point, he didn't think Haley could stand to hear the truth.