To Stay Strong: A Holby City Fan Fiction (Kian & OC #3)(Complete)

Chapter 14

Farrah was so happy when she came home. Kian put on his best smile and hugged her tight, feeling thankful for the child he already had.

"See Mummy!" She squealed, looking around.

"Mummy has a bad headache and went to bed. It's just you and me, sweetie." He said.

She frowned. "Mummy make dinner?"

"She's asleep."

"Watch Postman!" She said, running to the living room. It felt odd; Farrah wanted to watch Postman Pat and Kian was mentally a wreck. He thought about Haley and sobbed a little in his mind.
He sat on the couch and watched Farrah play. Would the baby they had just lost have been another girl? Or a boy? Would it have looked more like him, or Haley? Would Farrah have loved her new sibling? When Farrah became an older sister, would it have been soon or far off in the future? Kian put his head in his hands as he thought about the life they had lost.

It was really close to dinner, and Kian made Farrah a packet of instant macaroni and cheese. He made a bowl for himself as well. If it was a normal night, Haley would have made a full meal and they'd be all eating as a family.
After Farrah ate he gave her a bath and read to her.

"It Mummy's night!" Farrah pouted. Kian sighed.

"Tomorrow night, sweetie. Remember? She wasn't feeling well." It took two more books to get Farrah to fall asleep.

Kian took a quick shower, making sure his cast stayed dry. He walked into their bedroom. Haley was curled up in a ball, clutching a stuffed animal of Farrah's.

He lay down beside her and held her tight. He heard a sob come out of her, and he kissed her on the top of the head.

"It's okay. We can try again when you're ready." Kian felt numb.
"I wanted this baby! You wanted this baby." She cried.

"I know." He answered softly.

"Was it the stress from your accident? Or because of my close call when I had Farrah? Or bad timing?" Haley wailed, tears running down her cheeks.

"You heard the doctor; these things just happen...."

"Getting struck by lightning 'just happens', plane crashes 'just happen'! Why did it have to be our baby?" Haley cried.

"I don't know." Kian said, tears streaming down his face. "All I do know is that we're still here, and so is Farrah. At least we have that."

Kian let her sob into his chest. He was being the strong one for her, but the loss was killing him too.

"I called your work; you can take the next few days off. Farrah wanted you to tuck her in." He told her.

"I could have used one of her hugs." Haley said, wiping her eyes.

She got up, going into Farrah's room. Their daughter was fast asleep, curled up in her bed. Her wavy black hair still smelled of baby shampoo and she clutched a crocheted stuffed animal that Haley had made her.

Haley kissed Farrah's cheek, and the little girl woke up.

"Mummy?" Farrah asked, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Mummy just came in to check on you, baby. Go back to sleep."

"Nightnight, Mummy." She said, and smothered the stuffed animal in kisses.

"Goodnight, beautiful." Haley answered, rubbing Farrah's back.
Farrah closed her eyes and fell back asleep.
Haley got up and hugged Kian, who had walked up to Farrah's door.

"Ready for bed?" She asked. They both knew they probably wouldn't sleep well that night after what happened.

"Just let me brush my teeth." He told her.

Kian went into the bathroom. The nightly dose of his pill on the counter. He hadn't needed it in a while. But tonight, he wanted to sleep. Just sleep and try and to forget. He dry swallowed it, letting the brief feeling of euphoria wash over him. He turned on the tap and had a drink of water to wash it down. It took him a few seconds to realize what he had done.

He lay down next to Haley. He kissed her on the forehead, and she snuggled into his chest.

It was just for tonight. He told himself. Just so I can sleep.

Both of them fell into a deep sleep, holding each other close.