The Giant and His Heart. [Light at the end of the tunnel]

Chapter 43 - "The Betrayal"

To say I was confused and shocked was an understatement. What the hell had happened back then?
Me: "Zano...what-what was that all about?" I asked him stopping. We were standing by the car now. He grunted.
Zano: "Get in the car and I'll tell you."
Me: "No. I want you to tell me now. What-what the hell is going on Zanoxolo?" It felt like I was going to have a break down. He grunted.
Zanoxolo: "It's not what you're thinking woman."
Me: "Then tell me what the fuck is going on!" I shouted. I was on the roll bethuna. This was the second time I had sworn today. He sighed rubbing his face.
Zanoxolo: "Two years ago, your friend was fucking Mcebisi."
Me: "Mr. MC?" I asked shocked. That's how they called him. He nodded sighing. Okaaaay... "and then how does that have to do with you and her?" He growled.
Zanoxolo: "There's no me and her woman. There never was and there never will be." He stated strongly... "Mcebisi back then was bringing her to every gathering we had since he was fucking her. But that woman turned her sights on me. She started coming on to me and I told her to fuck off. When I told MC what happened, he cut ties with her and that was it."
Me: "That was it?" I asked wanting to be sure. He growled.
Zanoxolo: "Woman." He warned.
Me: "Then why didn't you tell me? You knew she was my friend when we met. I mean you knew all about her, so why didn't you tell me Zanoxolo?"
Zanoxolo: "I didn't think it mattered."
Me: "You didn't think it mattered?" I exclaimed.
Zanoxolo: "Yes woman. Nothing happened so it didn't matter. I just didn't think she would fucking pull that stunt in front of you." I kept quiet. I was feeling a lot right now...my emotions were all over the place.
Me: "But she had called him a monster." I muttered to myself. It just didn't make sense. I knew the giant wouldn't lie to me and I saw how Andy had grabbed his arm like he was the last man on earth. Her eyes had revealed want and longing. I shook my head. Wow! Like, I just couldn't wrap my head around this whole thing.
Zanoxolo: "Let's go baby." He opened the car and we entered and he drove off.

I was looking out my window trying to process things. Well, no matter how I thought about it, it just didn't make sense. I mean she had hated him, right guys? Was that all an act? I don't know man but I felt so betrayed by Andy and also by the giant...even though the giant didn't do anything wrong per se...but he could've told me. I mean he knew that we were friends. Besides feeling betrayed, also my insecurities were rising on the surface again. I mean Andy was way more beautiful, sexier and thinner than me...any man would choose her over me any day. Now knowing that she wanted my man – the fact that she had tried in the past to make him hers and had also had the audacity to make moves on him in front of me – made me feel so lacking...so incompetent. I couldn't compete with her. Yes, I knew the giant didn't like her and all but what worried me was for how long? Maybe he'll end up wanting her in the future when he realizes that I'm actually not worthy. I know I know some of you will say that I was being stupid. But this is how I felt and I couldn't help it. Remember I told you at the beginning that I had issues? Yeah, so this is what I was talking about. My insecurities ran deep people. So all of this was going on inside my mind on the ride back home. I felt so defeated. I wanted to cry so badly. What a day it had been! Who would've thought?!

We got home and I went straight to the bathroom and I locked myself in. Yes, I know. I had a thing with the bathroom. The thing is, I wanted to be alone and the bathroom was the only place in the whole apartment that I could be alone in. I needed to sort my head. The giant wasn't the only person who had demons people. I battled with my mind on a daily basis but I was just good at hiding it and my demons were not as bad as the giant's, but demons were demons. I leaned against the door and banged my head against it. Stop thinking like this Busi. The giant loves you. He won't leave you for her. I banged my head against the door harder. But what if he does leave me for her? She's way more better than me in everything. I released a groan full of pain and misery clutching my chest. My heart actually hurt.
Zanoxolo: "Busi open the door." His voice sounded worried and a little panicked. If this were under different circumstances I would've snorted. The giant has never sounded panicked before.
Me: "Just leave me alone Zano." I said my voice breaking.
Zanoxolo: "Woman, don't do this. Open the fucken door." He commanded forcibly.
Me: "I-I need time to-to myself." I was close to breaking apart. I was thinking about all the negative stuff that had been said to me in the past. Why was I like this? Please please go away. I hit my forehead with my fist.
Zanoxolo: "Nothing happened between me and that woman baby. I swear. I don't fucken want her." The door handle rattled... "you fucken own my heart and cock, there's no space for anybody else. Now stop this and open the door Busi...please. You're worrying me." He confessed.
Me: "Make it stop Zano...please. There's so many voices...please Zano" I cried brokenly.
Zanoxolo: "Open the door baby...now!" The door handle rattled urgently. I unlocked the door and it was pulled opened immediately... "fuck...Busi what's happening baby?" He lifted me up in his arms and went to the bedroom. He sat on the bed with me on his lap. You're not good enough. He will leave you. You're fat and disgusting. You're useless and worthless. Even your own mother disowned you... "Busi...baby...talk to me!" He said shaking me. He sounded so far away, the voices in my head were so loud. I covered my ears to try and block them but it didn't help... "come back to me baby...please. You're fucken scaring me. Things were not supposed to be like this for you...only me." He said rocking me gently against his chest like I was a baby... "tell me what I can do for you baby. I will do anything. Just come back to me." His voice was shaky. Was my giant crying?
Me: "Zano..." I said clutching his t-shirt for dear life and trying to make myself small on his lap... "hold me please. Don't leave me. Love me Zano...please.".............................................................