DC Universe Gets A Clean Up

Day 1

The sound of sirens faded slowly into background noise as the cop car sped by. I yawned before stretching out relaxing even more into my couch. Ahh, Gotham city, unanimously voted to the worst place to live but trust me, there are worst places.

I flipped through the channels on the TV, feeling bored and eager for a way to elevate said boredom.

Y/n: Nothing good is on.

I stopped on another channel. An episode of Ex-Arm was playing. Not even anime. This year really sucks.
I scratched my butt lazily before yawning again. Oh well. I left it on the news and dragged myself to the kitchen where I made a snack to eat. I was slowly brought out of my thoughts by the TV.

TV Rep: Breaking news. The Joker has escaped from Arkham Asylum and was last seen in the downtown area. Citizens are advised to stay indoors at all times. This is his third escape this month. In other news, poison ivy was apprehended when she attacked Wayne Enterprises with --

My reflection in the blank screen stared at me when I turned it off. I silently ate my supper/snack while staring at the TV.

I yawned again then suddenly remembered. I live in the downtown area. Time to lock up the house. I checked my phone for the list of things to do. First lock the doors, then the windows, then release the Roomba's with motion sensor-activated rubber pellet guns. I worked hard on those and was very proud of them. And finally pick up my pistol, a Kimber 1911 with a 7 round capacity. Overall, a short list but I followed it carefully and as quickly as I could.

After checking off all the tasks, I looked around for the imposter, before I remembered I live alone. I let out a sigh of relief, checked that my pistol was fully loaded and made my way to my bedroom. This was the only room that didn't have Roombas and the windows were always locked.

I stared at my computer, considering gaming for a bit but decided not to. Instead crawling under the bed covers to sleep. I hummed a lullaby to myself till I fell asleep.

........................................................................

I was awoken by a crash in the next apartment. Then grunts and crashes followed. I sat up to listen to what was happening. I could hear crazy laughter and gunfire and the sound of cloth or fabric flying through the air. I sighed and shook my head.

The neighbors where a bunch of unstable people. I settled back in bed to get some sleep. But the noise kept getting louder. I groaned and covered my ears with a pillow but I could still hear them.

Y/n: gahh. Keep it down will you. It's a work night.

They completely ignored me. My eyes twitched in irritation before I made up my mind. I'm gonna go over there and give them a piece of my mind.

I had only gotten my slippers on when the wall exploded and two people fell in. I coughed and fanned the air infront of me. When the dust settled a little, I saw the most horrific scene ever.

Batman and Joker where fighting, Joker swinging a knife and Batman trying to punch the daylights out of him, on the remains of my computer. MY COMPUTER.

I had saved up 6 months salary just to afford it and now it was gone.
The desk, destroyed. Monitor, smashed. Mouse, surprisingly looking good but the keyboard and system unit. That brought tears to my eyes. Most of the parts and components were severely damaged and the RGB lighting flickered as if it was dying.

Joker: Hahaha. Though I love our little dance, Batman, I must be going there's a dinner party I simply can't miss.

Joker's voice caught my attention and I saw that Batman was lying face down with the knife in his shoulder and Joker standing over him. The clown prince of crime pulled out his revolver to finish him off when Batman suddenly kicked him onto my computer.

I clutched my heart in pain as Joker threw my graphics card at Batman. Then the monitor then my other graphics card. He grabbed the keyboard and began using it like a bat.
I couldn't stand it anymore and once Batman ducked under joker's attack, I drew my gun and fired twice, hitting Joker in the chest. The sudden bang startled Batman and he stared in shock as Joker spat out blood and fell over backwards.

I got out of bed and went to kneel by my PC, cradling the parts that I could see. Batman snapped out of it and went to check on Joker. He looked at me crying and sobbing, before he clenched his fist in anger. He grabbed me by my shirt collar and slammed me into the wall, his hold tightening.

Batman: What did you do?

Y/n: w-w-what. Are. You-

Batman: you killed him.

I looked at him confused before I looked down and anger burst in me. Before I knew it, I had pressed the gun into Batman's side and pulled the trigger. A look of surprise and pain flashed on his face. He staggered backwards and I knocked him down with the back of my gun.

Y/n: Stay away from her. You destroyed her body and don't even have the decency not to trample over her remains.

He looked at me confused before looking behind me to see my PC. He had been standing on the casing of the system unit. His confusion change to bewilderement then anger.

Batman: you killed Joker for a Computer?

Y/n: Nooo. I shot him. The bullets killed him. The bullets are made of lead. Lead comes from nature. So, he died of natural causes.

He struggled to get to his feet but I shot him in the leg. He dropped down again and I shot him in the arm.

Y/n: Stay down. If I wanted it you'll be dead already. (Stupid BvS)

Batman groaned in response. I flipped him to the side and walked up to Joker's body. I nudged him with my foot twice to see if he was alive but he didn't move.

Y/n: hey, Batman.

He turned to look at me. His hand was inching to his utility belt but stopped when I aimed at him.

Y/n: Do you have insurance or something?

He looked at me weird. I pointed to the wall he had destroyed. Then at my PC's resting place.

Y/n: You know. To fix my apartment and my PC. This place isn't cheap. And neither was the computer.

Batman: You *cough* just killed a man in cold blood. *cough* Your apartment is the least of your worries.

Y/n: Again, it was the bullets that kill-...  Oh nevermind. Besides you guys broken into my abode I call self defense.

Batman: don't you realize what you've done?

I squinted in confusion thinking hard for a second before answering.

Y/n: I saved the city?

Batman: No! You crossed the line. You killed. That is the one thing we don't do. *cough cough* it's Blackgate for you.

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. This fucking guy.

Y/n: I take it you don't have insurance. *Sigh* Okay, sooo, you seemed very focused on sending me to prison. So I'm just gonna shoot you in your other leg *shoots him in the leg* then grab some of my stuff then I'll go back to my parents. That good with you? Oh you're passing out.

I grabbed some bandages and wrapped up his wounds and then I noticed his belt buckle beeping. Meaning he had called for back up at some point and I was running out of time to get away. I quickly duct taped him to the floor and grabbed my emergency escape duffel bag and my backpack. I stopped by joker on the way out and nugded him again. I turned to leave when he suddenly coughed up blood and tried to sit up.

I screamed "ZOMBIE" and fired the last round into his head. I kept on pulling the trigger, hearing only the click click and my heartbeat. I sat down for a moment to rest when rapid footsteps approaching caught my attention.

Y/n: time to go.

I had made it out the window when my front door was kicked in. Immediately the Roombas opened fire, buying me enough time to make it down the fire escape to the street. I saw Nightwing getting off his bike and running into my apartment building. I moved as quickly as I could into crowd of people who had gathered here just as a squad car also pulled up.

I looked at the place that had been my safe haven for a year now. I wiped a tear then turned around pulled up my hoodie and walked away, seamlessly blending with the crowd.