SCARS | 𝖠𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖲𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 1 𝖮𝖻𝗑

10 - Thoughts

WARNING
This chapter contains some heavy and emotional topics. And misuse of drugs.

{ JJ POV }

I quickly sped off on the on the HMS Pogue just as Pope and Kie got here. I felt bad but I needed to get away for a bit. I needed to clear my head and think of what options I have here.

{ Kiara POV }

"Shit. What happened" Pope asked
I was shocked.
"I - I don't know he just randomly said sorry to me and than he just walked out" I answered shakily.

Pope had an expression of worry on his face. What if he - oh shit.

"Pope. What if-what if he you know - just had enough of it all and just...tops himself" I said whispering the last part.
"No Kie, no don't say that. He-he wouldn't do that" he exclaimed.
I just shook my head.

"Look he'll be back soon okay. Was he high or something?" He asked
"I don't know, I mean I don't think he was." I replied.

"Maybe he just had to clear his head or something, lets just go back inside and if he's not back in an hour we'll go look for him. Okay?" Pope suggested
"Okay"

{ JJ POV }

The boat was driving slowly and steadily as I took deep puffs from the blunt I just made.

My head was spinning and I had no idea what I was going to do. I can't just go back to school in 2 weeks and just pretend like nothing happened.

I still can't believe that he is actually gone. He's hard to get rid of and he has survived through so much. I never thought it would be a storm that would take him out.

I sighed and took more deep breaths from the blunt. I know this is bad for me but I don't have anything else. No future. Nothing at all. I won't be anything. If I knew that I was gonna be someone, than I probably wouldn't be intoxicating myself with this shit.

I understand why Kie (and Pope up until just few days ago) didn't want to smoke. They are actually gonna be someone, they have a future, and they are gonna be successful adults. And I'll just be left here.

No! I'm not gonna let myself tear up anymore. I'm not soft. For as long as I can remember I've always been pretty tough, my dad just knocked it into me I guess. I didn't cry when he hit me, I didn't cry when I broke a bone, I didn't cry when I had to go to hospital, I barely ever cried. Instead of feeling pain or sadness I just got angry instead.

But the last week I've been different, I really let myself fall. I've been stumbling for a little while now, but I first fell when i bought that fucking hot tub. And than again at the chatue when I got back into a conscious state and remembered my best friend, my brother and my first ever proper family member.. has died.

I nearly broke down at the thought.
"NO!" I shouted smacking myself. I took another deep puff. I then furiously threw the blunt into the water.

I laid back in the boat breathing heavily and running my hands through my hair.

I really needed to get back and get some more supplies. I couldn't wear John B's clothes for ever. I need to go back and get some of my clothes and some other stuff that I would need for the next 2 weeks or so.

I also need to stock up my supply again, I was running low. I only have 1 blunt and 2 cigarettes left.

The problem is, going back without getting caught by my dad. I also need to tell Kie and Pope that I got kicked out.

And I need to get back to my job, I haven't been there in like 2 weeks. I can't risk getting fired or else I'm not even gonna be able to get the bare minimum, like food and stuff. I know that Pope and Kie would help me but I can't rely on them forever.

"Fuck!" I muttered hitting the side of the boat. I threw my head back and frustratedly tugged my hair.

I jumped off the boat and into the water. Feeling the refreshing water wash over me.

{ Pope POV }

It's been nearly an hour and Kiara was stressing, she was twisting and pulling her hair. It's something she always does when she's nervous.

"Pope, I really think we should go and look for him now"
"He could be doing something-"
"-We don't know what he's doing! He could be doing anything right now it's JJ!" She exclaimed cutting him off.

"He could be stealing something, he could be in trouble, he could be getting ganged up on, he could of crashed the boat! He could even be in jail!! Anything could be happening" she skeptically yelled.

"Okay okay, let's go find him" I said remaining calm.
"Good" she said grabbing the keys and running to the van.

{ JJ POV }

I hauled myself back onto the boat, soaking wet after jumping into the water. At least I feel better and refreshed.

I went to my bag to get some dry clothes when I realised I didn't bring any clothes.
"Shit"

I didn't feel like going back just yet, I knew that Pope and Kie would be worried though. So I started the engine and started driving slowly to the docks.

I was near the docks when I suddenly felt sharp pain spreading through my stomach. I stopped the boat and curled up on the floor, clutching myself tight.

This has kept on happening since dad aggressively assaulted my torso.

After about 10 minutes of laying on the floor I slowly unclenched myself and lay flat on the floor. Not daring to move incase the pain started again. I suddenly heard heavy footsteps running across the dock. And than I heard splash followed by another one a few seconds after.

{ Narrator POV }

Kiara and Pope were about to go in the van but than they thought that they should quickly check the dock behind the chatue.

So they sprinted there and ran across the wooden floor boards of the deck. When they saw a familiar white and battered boat about 12 metres away.

"Kie that's the pogue, she right there" Pope pointed
"Yeah but I can't see JJ" she said peering hard at it.

Kie didn't spend another second looking she leaped into the water, Pope following.

She swam up to the boat just as JJ hauled himself up.
"Hey.." he said giving a small wave
"JJ!" she exclaimed trying to climb up the boat, Pope pushed her up, helping her get on.

Kie got on and threw herself at JJ. He grunted.

"Why are you soaking wet?" She asked
"You are too" he replied with a smile.
Pope got up and sat down, his hair dripping with water.
"Are you ok bud? Why did you run away?" Pope questioned

"I just needed to clear my head a bit you know" JJ said
Pope and Kie nodded.

"We were really worried I literally thought that you were gonna...top yourself" Kie stated sadly.
JJ laughed, but it didn't meet his eyes.

"I wouldn't do that, I can't leave you two" he said putting his arms round both of them.

He was covering up his feelings as usual.

"Umm but there is something I have to tell you" he spoke
"What is it?" Pope asked

JJ sighed.
"My dad"