Ride Or Die | Book #1 ✓

Chapter 44

"You can do this." He whispered against my forehead "I'm right here."

Her hands covered in latex gloves touched against my skin and I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes shut as I began mentally preparing myself. 

You're ok. You're ok. You're ok. I told myself over and over again but my body became stiff as a board at her touch. My pelvis became stiff, which blocked any entrance into me. "Just breathe, you have to relax Aspen." Dr. O'Brien said calmly before I let go of the stiffness in my body, trying to relax. 

My eyes closed shut and I gripped Pierce's hand as he stood right beside me as I laid back on the bed. She used a tool to open me up more so she could take a look inside and as she looked, tears began to prick at my eyes. 

No Aspen, do not cry right now. 

My eyes squeezed shut, the only thing I began to see was Cayde as the memories of him came flooding back and with the memories only came the trauma he embedded within me. The memories played over in my head and I tried to shake the thoughts of it.

"You're fucking ridiculous, you know that?!" Cayde shouted at me as he paced back and forth across the bedroom as I sat on the edge of his bed. "You don't fucking even begin to understand how much trouble you could have gotten me into? I could lose everything, Aspen! Everything!"

"I'm sorry.."  I trailed off, the words barely being louder than a whisper as they exited my lips. Cayde was mad because I had told Lana about how he got me drunk the other night before having sex with me. Lana went to the cops immediately even though I begged her not to do it. The cops later showed up at Cayde's house and they asked a few questions before dismissing the case since I wasn't the one to report it. 

"You're sorry?!" He screamed, getting in my face "You could have cost me my entire life career with that shit! We had sex, you're my girlfriend why does it fucking matter if you've had a few drinks. Remember you're supposed to love me no matter what and even in a drunken state. So if you love me tell me why you couldn't have sex with me while drunk."

"Because I couldn't consent, Cayde, I wasn't able to think properly because of the alcohol," I explained for what seemed like the millionth time but he wasn't buying it. He used the same excuse over and over saying I should love him in my drunken state and can show my love through sex. This is exactly why I begged Lana not to tell. 

He lifted his arm before swinging it directly at me, his hand coming into contact with my cheek. My face turned from the impact and I rubbed my cheek in pain as the sting didn't go away. It wasn't the first time Cayde had hit me, and it wasn't going to be the last. Tears pricked my eyes and I held back the cries that were forcing themselves out.

"What you're going to fucking cry about it?" He scoffed "Unbelievable. I think you need to make it up to me for what you did. Turn around." 

"I'm leaving." I sniffled as I went to get off the bed but was immediately grabbed by Cayde. His hand grabbed at my throat, his fingers digging into my windpipes as he began to block my breathing. He turned me around before pushing me down onto the bed. I began to get up from the bed before being pushed down again as his hand forced my head down into the mattress. 

His free hand began to grab at my leggings before pulling them down. "No!" I cried as I struggled under his grip as he began to pull down my underwear "Cayde please no!"

"No. No. No." I shook my head as I forced myself out of the flashback and tears began streaming down my face. When I felt her hands on me I began to freak out and she instantly pulled away from me. I quickly sat up and covered my legs with the gown as I looked over to Pierce with teary eyes. He pulled me into a hug, and I cried into his chest.