divorced

hating my life

Under the shower, gulf let the water wash through him, with closed eyes, mouth a bit opened, to take a deep breathes, slowly he brought a hand up, to sleek his hair back, bending a bit forward, his facial expressions twitched, to reach his arms forward, hands palms face down to the wall, he hung his head to continue to take deep breathes.
Clear...... Your mind gulf...... Don't think of him...... Clear.....
Gulf gritted his teeth, to lift his head up, to feel something that wasn't there.
"Don't..... Do this to yourself gulf...... Just relax.....I can take care of you..."
Tears then flowed with the water, has he imagined mew there, behind him, placing his hands to his back to move the water around.
He shook his head a bit.
"This..... Is not real...... He is not here......"
Moving back, he turned his head further to the side to open his eyes, his face fell more, there was no one there.
Told you.
Taking a deep breathe, he turned his head to wrap his arms around his body.
Damn it! I hate you mew! Fucking asshole!
Done with the shower, gulf got out to dry and dress to look himself over in the mirror.
You need to stop this, your just hurting yourself.
Taking a hand up, he opened the medication cabinet, to then grab a familiar pill bottle to eye.
The..... Doctor did say..... If I start to......I need to take these...... However they make me.....loopy.......
Signing, gulf placed the pill bottle back to close the medication cabinet to shake his head.
Haven't needed to take one since in 5 years, just take deep breathes, think of anything else but him. You do not deserve to go crazy over him, not..... Again.
Taking a deep breathe, gulf needed to make dinner for his girls.
To the kitchen, his back was too them, they sat to the counter eyeing the other to whisper. Gulf smirked, turning, with there plates already there, he moved the pan sideways to then give them the food.
"Okay girls..... What are you two talking about? Come on, I want to hear."
They looked to each other with a grimace face to then look to gulf.
"Well," hota began.
"The thing is........ Were worried about daddy mew." Hinta finished.
Gulf took a deep breathe to turn to place the pan to the sink, back to them to look forward, eyes darted.
"Why....... Are you worried about...... Him?"
They both picked up there forks to dive into the food.
"Well daddy, he..... Seemed so sad on the phone......daddy...... Can't we...." Hota looked to hinta.
"Can we go visit him?" Hinta finished once more.
Gulf flexed his jaw to grit his teeth.
Don't be angry with them, they are worried and concerned for him, if they think he was sad, damn it, he must be drinking after work again.
Gulf took a deep breathe in to turn, with a fake smile, to step around the table to then place his arms around the two, looking at each.
"Hinta.....hota....... I'm sure he is just fine...... Remember I get the two of you till January 1st then you get to spend 2 weeks with him before school starts. I love you two are so worried over him, how about this, if you want everyday in the morning and night you can call him. Deal?"
The two looked to him, to then each other, with a bit of a sullen expression, they both nodded to look at there food not eating.
Gulf looked to them.
"Girls......I know..... This arrangement, situation is not the best but, you know we both love you so very much."
"Yes......."
"We know......" Hinta finished this time.
Gulf looked to them with a sad face to kiss them to there forheads, then he looked to hota, he couldn't keep up with the lie.
"Well, I think I've been a bad daddy" he pouted trying to distract them.
They both looked to him.
"Why are you bad?" Hinta asked.
"Well, hota, daddy was bringing in the groceries but......I accidentally broke your figurine, I bought you another one, could you ever forgive me?"
Hota smiled to then lean forward to wrap her arms around, hinta smiled to turn her head to eat.
"Of course, I love you daddy....... Your the best in the world. Both of you are."
Gulf then wrapped his arms around hota to look forward.
I...... Really am not..... I'm..... Making so many mistakes.......
Taking a breathe, he leaned back to place his hands to her face to smoosh.
Hota made a face to place her hands to his wrists.
"Daddy......"
They all then laughed for gulf to let go to go to the fridge to gather his diet food, he was on this special diet and he also went to the gym during the weekends, trying to tone.
When they were all done, gulf got them ready for bed, then once they fell asleep after a few books, gulf went back to the kitchen to clean.
Once all was said and done, he went to his bedroom, to sit to the edge, looking forward, his thoughts wouldn't stop.
I..... Can't believe......I semi lied to hota about her figurine.......I don't like to lie to my kids..  
Gulf signed, to wrap his arms around himself, his thoughts started to go too mew.
Ugh.....I can't believe...... I've had sex with my ex.... Now twice...... And now the lying bastard wants to meet at.....
Gulf gritted his teeth.
Why...... There...... Why where we hide our love for 6 months?
Gulf took a deep breathe in.
For 6 months, we went to the hotel I worked at and.....
Gulf groaned.
This..... Really is my karma, we spent 6 months in secert, 6 months confirming ourselves while mew went home to his boyfriend Santi at the time.
Gulf closed his eyes.
This...... Is really what you deserve, once a cheater always a cheater, no wonder I saw what I did, mew..... With......
Moving his shoulders, he felt familiar hands to them.
"Gulf..... Your pushing yourself again..... Relax....."
Gulf took a deep breathe.
Damn it.... This isn't real but..... But....
Tears streamed down, for gulf to slowly open his eyes, turning his head he looked to see mew smiling.
Gulf brought his hand up, to turn his buddy to hold his hand, there eyes darted.
"Does it..... Make me a bad person that.....I miss you..... That I.... Still....."
More tears fell, has gulf hung his head to place it to his chest.
Mew peered his eyes down.
"No it doesn't gulf, maybe a bad dad, I heard what you did, but you made it right. Come..... Lay down with me."
Gulf leaned up, to have mew hold and tight to his hand to lead him to his pillows.
The two were to there sides, hands still locked to the other, looking the other over, mew brought his other hand to his cheek to stroke, gulf smiled a bit, has he eyed the 23 year old mew.
"Mew?"
"Yes?"
"I....... Really miss this....... Miss you..... But..... Why did you have to cheat on me? Why wasn't I...... Good enough for you? I did everything for you, for them, I kept my promise, we just didn't have time for...... Us to be intimate, I..... Didnt think....... That was all that was between us..... Thought you..... Loved me......" Gulf sniffled.
Peering his eyes to mews body a hand started to come about, gulf let his go, to sit, watching, mew turned to have that hand go to his shirt to open, he smiled looking up.
"Oh gulf...... You were never enough for me, that's why I cheated.....oooh...... You thought I really loved you.... Hahaha..... What a laugh, I only cared for how slutty you got when you drank. This...."
They both looked to the hand that started to go lower.
"Him....... He satisfied me, in ways you never could......"
Hearing the laugh come from mew, gulf then opened his eyes, to dart, furrowing his eye brows, he sat up slowly, to turn his head to pat the bed next to him.
A..... Dream..... Just a....... Dream..... But is it..... Maybe...... It's trying to tell me something......
Bringing his knees to his chest, gulf hung his head to weep silently.