Golden, guns, and greedy glorification.
***
"We both needed to weather the bad in order to grow; Kind of like a sunflower" he says quietly under his breath, looking over in my direction.
I smile at his example, while we both stop and stare at the...
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"Even before the withdrawal sets in you'll do anything to get that feeling back, because as long as it lasts, nothings wrong. It doesn't matter if you forget something, or lose something. Or if you fail someone. Nothings wrong and everything feels good, and you never want it to end."
****
The rest of our night went better than I had expected.
Harry and I talked for a few hours before coming home and it was nice spending some time with him out of the house, in a new environment, not worried about all the important things for once.
I think he even made me laugh and smile more than I have all year, more than before this mess even started.
At one point my cheeks even started hurting from smiling so big, but he just teased me about it, and told me how happy he was to see me happy.
I've been around Harry when he's been extra, sweet, and gentle, but today I feel like I met a whole new person.
Maybe the person Caleb and Ashton have been waiting so long to speak to again.
If that is the case I can understand why they want him back so badly. Because here he is lying next to me in bed and all I want to do is wake him up so we can smile and laugh some more.
I'm almost scared that by the time the sun rises again he won't be next to me when I wake up. Physically I know he will be but mentally I pray he's still with me as the night changes.
I haven't been able to sleep much since I started staying here with him again. I've been so anxious he might get up in the middle of the night, and I get scared the second I close my eyes i'll have a nightmare again so I just stay up.
I much rather be sleep deprived than wake up afraid of Harry and Ashton again.
I hate seeing them look at me the way they do, blaming me for such a terrible thing, and seeing my father standing there wearing the exact thing he wore the last time I had seen him.
It all feels so real like i'm dreaming something i've already lived through. It's so clear, all of it, and each time nothing ever changes. The dream stays the exact same.
It's now around four o'clock in the morning so i'm just laying here, gently touching Harry's hand here and there just so he knows i'm still next to him.
Ashton and I texted back and forth a few times when Harry first fell asleep. I didn't say much just told him he had a good day today and seemed different.
That he seemed much happier.
He's struggling with believing Harry will actually stay sober though, and that's something I can't understand, but can respect and let him feel the way he does without telling him he's wrong.
