You're So Golden |H.S|

Chapter 13

"You're back already! Who's the young man here with you?" Rita smiled as she stood behind the counter and poured a hot coffee. 

If only she knew why i'm back here so fast. I don't think she'd be smiling as big as she is right now.

"This is Caleb, Harry's little brother. The boy you met the other night." I smiled at Caleb who was surprisingly smiling as well. 

"Oh pretty boy" Caleb looked to me with an unimpressed look on his face. "Yeah I remember him. Take a seat i'll make you guys some fries and shakes. Any requests young man?" Rita turned before walking behind the counter.

Caleb smiled at her offer. "Oh no ma'am fries are good thank you."

Rita smiled at Caleb's polite words and walked back into the kitchen to make the food.

Did Caleb Styles just use the word ma'am unironically? Something is definitely off with the universe because there is no way in hell this boy just used manners. 

"Ma'am? Since when do you say ma'am and thank you? You practically called me a slut eight hours ago." I stared Caleb down in disbelief. 

Call me dramatic but that was almost as shocking as the man trying to kill me an hour ago.

Caleb rolled his eyes and gave me attitude as he spoke. "Oh shut up she's old it's different." 

"Whatever, sit down." I pushed the top of his head and pointed to the booth I use to sit in all those years ago. 

I'm surprised with how well i'm doing right now. I'm not fabulous but hey i'm not crying in the fetal position so I guess that's kind of a plus. 

I'm not really sure what i'm suppose to be feeling right now but I can say i'm not feeling much. If anything i'm just tired. I'm mentally drained and I have a feeling whatever Harry's about to tell me will only drive me over the edge. I don't know how much more I can take today. 

I've never experienced this feeling before. I'm not sad but I feel like i've been crying for hours. I'm not tired but I feel like my body is about to collapse. I'm not sick but if I even imagine how angry my father would be if he found out where i've been i'd throw up.

It's hard being stuck between feeling everything at once or choosing to feel nothing at all.

Most people would pick the second option. 

If you choose not to feel you're ignoring it and don't have to cope. If you choose to feel you feel everything at once and have no choice but to cope. Either way eventually i'll have to face it because the second option will only build up higher and higher until it crashes down. 

I want to feel I just don't know how. 

I keep trying to think about what happened so I can feel something but it's almost like I can't remember anything at all.

Do you know that feeling when you get super drunk and blackout? Then you wake up the next day and try to put the pieces together to figure out how the night went. That's how I feel right now but the difference is i'm sober and this all happened today. 

I remember fighting with Harry, running upstairs, hitting the guy, and being told to get caleb from school and meet him here at the cafe. I don't know what happened in between but that's all I know. 

The numbness i'm feeling is almost terrifying but not scary enough for me to force myself to feel. It's peaceful in an odd way.

It's like i'm in a bubble. 

I'm on the beach and a hurricane is coming. The siren's are going off, people are running, hiding in their houses but here I am sitting in the sand. Only i'm being protected in a bubble that's stopping the waves from crashing down on me. I'm at peace even though everything and everyone around me is going through hell.