Unexpeted

Ch. 25

Eliana's pov

I didn't achieve much sleep last night, maybe an hour at most. Today my moms decided to force me to go to therapy and I'm sure it's mostly because she wants to talk to Jordyn and make the session mostly about her. Which is fine with me, if it gets me out of talking to Jordyn then I'm fine with it.

"Eliana Lovato."

I get up from the uncomfortable plastic chair and walk to the back with my mom. I'm lead to Jordyns office where Jordyn already sits, "Hello, hows everyone doing today?" She asks.

I sit down at the far end of the couch and stare at the stare at the wall wanting not a thing to do with my mom.

"Ok." Mom says answering for herself.

"Eliana how are you?" Jordyn asks.

Awful, but are we surprised? No. I think anyone who has had my past then listen to your parent say you're a mistake and they don't want you, wouldn't be doing so great.

"I'm not sure why she's so upset, Victoria doesn't live with us anymore so she should be ecstatic." My mom says.

It isn't my fault, that's your fault. You caused her to leave, not me.

"Eliana you look a bit down today, do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" Jordyn asks.

I shake my head knowing I can't even if I wanted to, my mom doesn't know I heard anything last night. Nor would I be allowed to talk to Jordyn about it even if I wanted to. My mom would beat me.

"Other than Victoria leaving has anything stressful happened recently?" Jordyn asks.

"Not that I know of, as far as I know everything's went her way really. I've been in the studio a lot the past three weeks and Eliana has been at hone with Victoria. Then Victoria and I separated so I'm not sure why she's actually upset right now." My mom says.

I don't know maybe I overhear you still and learned something that really hurt last night. I don't know, just a thought.

"Even if this is what she wanted her mind may still be on the future and worrying about that. I think Eliana over the years tells herself to not get to comfortable with things as there is a constant change happening. So although this may be what she wants, she's worrying about what is going to happen next." Jordyn days.

Well to be completely honest, I didn't think about it like that. But now that Jordyn has mentioned it, it's hard not to. But she's right. I didn't exactly love Victoria but I got used to her in the house. Now that this relationship is over, I know that my moms going to be looking for the next one. Then it'll be a new girl or guy in the house that'll make me very uncomfortable and I'll be back at square one. Thanks for the reminder Jordyn. I was thinking about my my existence being a mistake and unwanted, but now I realize I should be hurt by that while also worrying about the future.

"So how would we fix that?"

I don't know talking about it probably.

"I think maybe telling her what your plans are would help her feel better and prepare for what's next as well. It's important to be on the same page especially when it's something that'll effect her as well."

Right, communication and honesty. Two things my mom never has with me. Yeah, this isn't advice she'll use, but will lie and say she will.

"Ok, that's something I'll do."

She's too predictable.

"Eliana is there anything you want to say?" Jordyn asks.

Not a thing.

I shake my head and I see her look at my mom from the corner of my eye, "How has her mood been the past few days?" Jordyn asks.

She wouldn't know.

"I'm not really sure, I've been really busy at work and I haven't been home much. She hasn't come out of her room. She wasn't even wanting to come to the session today but I didn't give her much of a choice."

"So depressed?"

At least one of the people in here has a brain and sees the signs of depression. You'd think with my moms past she would, but nope. She's the most oblivious person I know, but it makes sense. She doesn't care.

"Iiii wouldn't really say depressed. I think she's just been trying to avoid Victoria."

"And how was she when you woke her up?"

"I didn't have to wake her up, she was already awake."

"So she didn't sleep?"

Exactly.

"No, she was asleep when I checked on her last night."

"Eliana how have you been sleeping at night?" Jordyn questions.

Don't answer the question Eliana, your moms going to get mad if you embarrass her and go against her word. Don't do it.

I continue to stare at the wall and remain speechless. Which I'm sure my mom loves, it makes her job easier right?

"Has she been to the psychiatrist?" Jordyn asks.

"Not recently, but she did get new medication last time she went."

"Have you noticed a change since she's been on it?"

"Not a change I'd like to see, no. I don't really think it's working or doing what he intended it to do."

And yet I'm still not depressed? Am I allowed to laugh at my moms logic yet? Please, I beg. This is comical at this point. Does she hear herself speak?

"Is she using coping skills?"

Oh come on Jordyn, now you know my mom wouldn't know this. She doesn't pay enough attention to know and you know that.

"I don't know."

Just like you don't know anything about me.

"I think we might need to go over coping skills because I do believe that those will be beneficial at this time." Jordyn says.

Oh I'm coping. The blades are doing wonders for me right now. And I've also decided to sleep away my depression. I've got a few boxes of Benadryl pills hidden in my room. I'm prepared for this. You don't have to worry about me.

*time skip*

After not saying a word in therapy, and as I thought, my mom turning the session into her we're done. My mom pays for the failed session on my end and then we get into the car.

"Sirah wants to know if you want to stay the night with her." Mom says looking down at her phone.

I buckle my seatbelt and turn my head out the window, "Doesn't matter to me, whatever's easier for you."

"I have work tomorrow and I don't think you really want to be in the studio. So I think you'd prefer to stay with her right?" She asks.

Not really, I'm happy in my bedroom. But I know this is just you trying to get rid of me, which I understand you want to do very badly.

"Yes."

Whatever makes you happy mom, I may not be but at least one of us will be right? Which is seemingly all that matters, your happiness.

"Ok, she'll pick you up in an hour."

"Ok."

I really hope Sirah just lets me be and doesn't have a million and one plans to try entertain me. I really want nothing more than to be left alone and to be be allowed to sleep. It's not a lot to ask, but seems like no one really wants to allow that to happen at the same time...