Unexpeted

Ch. 20

Elianas pov

I couldn't be more uncomfortable and scared if I wanted to be. Maybe it's not a good idea to insist on family therapy when I don't trust you even the slightest. It just sounds like a plan for disaster really.

"How have things been? Demi you just got back home from New York correct?" Jordyn asks

"Correct, I've been home for a day. Things haven't been great. Eliana won't talk to me at all." Mom says.

Jordyn turns her head to me, "Is that true Eliana?"

I sit quietly and don't say a word. I will not risk saying the wrong thing. I got in so much trouble the last time we were here and I won't put myself in the position to be at the other end of my moms anger for saying the wrong thing again. I'd rather know I'm not in the wrong and be yelled at for being silent than feel like I'm in the wrong for speaking what I feel is true.

"I think we made a lot of progress in the last session, Eliana do you think we can make more in this one? You did really well in the last one." Jordyn says.

No, because I got in trouble last time. I don't want to get in trouble. I refuse to get in trouble again. I can't speak without suffering a consequence from my mom.

I break eye contact with Jordyn and stare down at the palms of my hands not wanting to look or see anyone else.

"Demi what happened yesterday?" Jordyn asks.

"Not much, I got in and we went home. Eliana did homework and stayed in her room all day. I made a few attempts to talk to her, but she wouldn't have a conversation with me." Mom says.

"Eliana is there a reason you don't want to talk hon your mom?" Jordyn asks.

Yeah, I'm scared if I say anything I'll be yelled at. I'm scared of her as it is and I don't want to risk getting hurt by saying the wrong thing.

"Are you upset at your mom Eliana?" Jordyn asks.

Well that's a complicated question. Am I mad at her for leaving? No. Am I mad at her for abusing me, neglecting me, using me, and hurting me? Yes. But does Jordyn know any of the above? No. Am I allowed to speak about any of the above? No. Will my mother be sure to hurt me if I say I am upset at her? Probably. So can I tell the truth? No.

I shake my head which prompts jordyns next question, "So why won't you talk to her? Is there anything bothering you that your mom might be doing?"

Screaming at me and scaring me. Abusing me in the past and me reliving those memories in my dreams. Choosing to have a girlfriend over trying to have a relationship with her daughter. Drinking in front of me on occasion and sending me back to the past. Yeah, she does a lot wrong.

I shake my head and my mom sighs, "Right so that's why you won't talk to me?" She asks sarcastically.

"Eliana are you talking to anyone right now?" Jordyn asks.

Not in this very moment, no.

I hear Jordyn let out a sigh and I have a feeling she's realized that this isn't going to be an appointment like last time. I'm keeping my silence and yet again, we're back to square one where I'm too scared to speak with my mom in the room.

It's needless to say the appointment with my mom went anything but well. It was mostly my mom venting and me not even listening to that.

"Alright I want to do Elianas session now." Jordyn says.

My mom has no problem leaving the room and I look at Jordyn once the door closes, "So what's going on? You seem really down." She says.

"I just don't want my mom home."

"Why's that?" She asks.

"I was happier at Wilmers."

"Well I'm sure she'll let you visit him anytime right?" She asks.

"No, because she gets jealous after a while. It kills her to see the relationship I have with him. Because she gets jealous and wants that, but at the same time does everything she can to prevent us from having that." I say.

"Why do you think that? She's here trying to fix things." Jordyn says.

I shake my head, "At home its different."

Very different. You don't see what goes on at home. You haven't seen what has gone on at home. My mom always manages to make herself look good when she's not. Just because she's here doesn't mean she's fixing things. Hell she wouldn't even be here had it not been for Victoria suggesting her do this.

I'm so tired of everyone seeing my mom as this innocent person in every situation. Or someone who is the victim in what I do. I'm the victim. But the fact I can't even say that hurts. So to see my mom play the victim card as if she can't remember what she's done to me and why I react the way I do, hurts.

"What happens at home?" She asks.

I shake my head, "I can't talk about it, I've said too much already."

She looks at me a bit concerned and I break eye contact with her, "Why can't you talk about it?" She asks.

"I just can't."

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" She asks.

"Not really."

"Ok, how about we talk about what you've been up to this week?" She asks.

"School."

I've shut down and Jordyn isn't going to get anything out of me. She hasn't been able to get anything out of me. It's been obvious for a month so I don't know why she tries. She knows just as well as I do I'm not going to talk.

"How have you been doing in school?" She asks.

"Fine."

"Have you still been having nightmares?" She asks.

"Don't want to talk about it."

After just 45 Jordyn gives up, but even though she's given up, I have 3 appointments here for next week. So I can't say she's fully given up. Although who knows. Maybe she has and just wants my moms money.

"Alright, I'll see you next week Eliana." Jordyn says.

Sadly.

I walk out of the building of a session that accomplished nothing with my mom. I sit in the passengers seat and see her start the car in the corner of my eye, "We're going to go see your grandparents." She says.

Oh great. Nothing like visiting my grandparents with this amount of tension between us. What a splendid idea mom. Wow.

I really don't know why she thought this was such a good idea. Like why would you bring me to my grandparents after a not so successful therapy session. She knows I'm not talking so why would you even bring me? Why not drop me off at home and go herself? Is she trying to look like parent of the year for bringing me to her parents house? I don't understand. Whatever.

I really shouldn't be surprised or caught off guard with any of my moms decisions. Her lack of judgement and sense really shouldn't come as a shock anymore.