Unexpeted

Ch. 1

Elianas pov

Therapy, a place I seem to find myself in often now a days. It's not a place I like to be, but one my mom continues to force me to go to. I now get to go twice a week since she thinks her and I need a session too. Yeah, lucky me. Note my sarcasm please.

I hate therapy, absolutely hate it. I feel nothing but uncomfortable, awkward, anxious, and small in it. I feel weak and powerless and as if my therapist is bigger and more powerful. I feel judged by her and I feel like somethings seriously wrong with me. I feel as if I'm so fucked up I have to be here.

But you know, I got by with one on one sessions with Jordyn. I was willing to do them since it wasn't too harmful. But family therapy? Yeah, that's a different story ok. I'm not at all ok doing it and I'm finding it more harmful to my mental health than beneficial.

But is my mom listening to me on that? No. What's new? She hasn't been listening to me in a while, a long while. So I can't say I'm surprised to be ignored once more. You know who's beginning to make me feel smaller and more powerless than Jordyn? My mom.

I hear a door open and I snap out of my thoughts as I watch Jordyn walk into the room. She offers me a weak smile before sitting at the desk, a smile I don't return.

"How has it been since last tome we talked?" Jordyn asks.

Awful.

"I am trying but I feel like no matter how hard I try Eliana isn't letting me in. She still is so isolated from me and won't talk or communicate with me. I can tell emotionally she's not in the best place some days but when I try to talk to her about it she either doesn't talk at all, pushes me away, or lies to me about what's going on." mom says.

Jordyn looks to me, "Eliana is that true?"

I break eye contact with her and choose to stare at the white wall to my right. I'm uncomfortable and I don't want to speak.

"She hasn't said a word to me all morning." Mom sighs.

"Eliana do you find it hard to communicate with your mom at times?" Jordyn questions.

I keep my stare at the wall but I feel the stare of my mom piercing through me. I can feel Jordyn state doing the exact same thing. It only adds to my discomfort level.

"What type of questions are you asking Eliana? We did talk about some being harder for her to answer than others last session. Have you stayed away from those questions or been pushing for answers?" Jordyn asks.

"Most I have stayed away from. However when it comes to the nightmares or paranoia I do have a hard time not pushing her. I'm worried and I want to know what is going on in her mind so I know that she's ok. All I want is for her to be ok and I worry when I don't have the answers and I feel so helpless." Mom says.

"Eliana how does it make you feel when your mom pushes you to talk?" Jordyn asks.

Uncomfortable, I clearly don't talk to her do I? How hard is it to understand when I'm uncomfortable I don't talk? I'm not talking now, I'm clearly uncomfortable, I don't understand how they can't pick up context clues. If I don't talk I'm clearly either uncomfortable, anxious, and not liking the topic.

"Eliana can you tell me how it makes you feel when your mom asks about the nightmares?" Jordyn asks.

Not right in front of my mom.

"Was she talking yesterday?" Jordyn asks.

"Not me, she told Victoria to fuck off but those are the only two words she spoke yesterday." Mom says.

"Eliana's why did you tell Victoria to fucking off? It seems like she's really trying to get to know you. What-"

I feel anger hit me with the question, nothing but immediate anger, "Because I went to my room to get away form her. My rooms my safe place and if I go to my room obviously I want to be left alone. I do not like people in my room period. But she decided to go mess with me in my room and I didn't find it funny and told her to fuck off because that's exactly what she needed to do. I don't care if she's trying to get to know me, I don't care to know her. She's my moms girlfriend, not mine. If she wants to get to know someone then she needs to continue to get to know my mom and leave me alone. I don't like her and I never will, nothing is going to change that. So if my mom wants to continue to date her, good for them. But leave me out of it and stop expecting me to snap out of whatever you think I'm snapped in to." I snap.