Unexpeted

Ch. 12

Elianas pov

Usually I don't feel anxiety about an appointment with Jordyn unless I'm here with my mom. I can't figure out why I'm so nervous, I shouldn't be. What I have to talk to her about today isn't anything bad. I'm not doing anything wrong. But yet I'm nervous.

"Eliana Lovato?" I hear.

I get up from the uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting room before following the practitioner back. She leads me to Jordyn office and I sit down on the couch alone. My heart beat just picks up quickly as I do.

I hate this.

I hear the door open and close before Jordyn sits at the desk across from me with my folder, "How have you been the past week?" Jordyn asks.

Mentally unstable, but what's new?

"I've been ok." I say.

"Has anything happened in the last week that you want to talk about?" She asks.

Not at all but if I don't, my mom will be told and that's not really an option for me.

"I don't remember what day it was last week, but Wilmer wanted me to eat pizza and I said no. I had pasta 3 times that week and I was going too far over the suggested number of calories a day for the fourth time that week. So I had a salad for lunch and he kinda got worried about me. He started asking if I calorie counted and I said no, but I calorie check. Then he freaked out and told me calorie checking leads to calorie counting and calorie counting will lead to calorie restriction and that will lead to an eating disorder. But I'm not trying to loose weight or anything. I'm just trying to eat good so I don't gain weight. I like my body the way it is and I don't want to ruin that by eating unhealthy all the time. My PE teacher said it's ok to eat unhealthy every now and then as long as you don't do it often. Because unless you exercise, you won't burn it off and it just stays there. Then that certain foods lead to heart disease and obesity and other stuff. I'm not afraid to eat those foods every now and then, but it's something I don't want to do everyday." I say.

"I don't think there is any problem with wanting to eat healthy as long as you have a reason behind it and it's a reason that won't lead to an eating disorder. The only thing that made me slightly worry is you saying you calorie check. Wilmer is right on what that could lead to. Why is it you calorie check?" Jordyn asks.

"If something has 500 calories in it that's what? 1/4 or 1/5 of the amount of calories I'm supposed to have right? I'm not gonna eat something with that many calories. It can't be that healthy to eat it to begin with. So yes, I calorie check to make sure it doesn't have a lot of calories or sugar in it." I say.

"I don't think calorie checking is a good idea at all. Eating something even with 500 calories every once in a while isn't going to hurt you or harm you. Wilmer is right in that, calorie checking is the start to a lot of other problems." She says.

Ok so I'll stop that then. It's not like I can't. I could if I wanted to, I just don't want to.

"Ok, I'll stop calorie checking things then." I say.

"I think that's a really good idea." She says and I nod.

"How have the FaceTimes been going with your mom?" She asks.

"She does all the talking, I just say 'yeah' 'Mhm' 'ok' 'i will' 'oh' and that's really it. I don't really have anything to say to her so why pretend I do?" I ask.

Jordyn takes a brief second to write everything down we've said so far before she continues to talk, "Does she ask you anything about your day or how you're doing?" She asks.

"Just how I'm doing and I say ok. She's not here to fix things anyway so why bother telling her how I feel? I tell Wilmer since he's the one watching me and can make sure I'm alright and not doing anything bad." I say.