rare. |a.k.|

fifty one|phone tag

𝔸𝕨𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟'𝕤 ℙ𝕆𝕍

I looked down at my phone and frowned. I clicked on Charlie's contact again, hoping for her to pick up. It was around 10 there so maybe she wasn't awake. Again, she didn't pick up. I called a fourth time for extra measure.

"Awsten, she's probably sleeping, stop bothering her." Otto said, looking over his shoulder.

I shrugged and stared at the screen as it dialed. I heard him get up and walk over to me.

"It's okay dude, you can call her tomorrow."

I nodded and put my phone down. Jawn ran in, scaring us, saying there was something cool outside that we "had" to see. Once we got outside, Geoff was just staring up. So we looked up, and I saw the clearest sky I've seen in a while.

"I haven't seen a night like this is years," I said, seeing the moon act as a spotlight.

Living in the city doesn't really give you this kinda thing. I haven't been able to see the sky in this capacity in so long. This is the kind of thing you don't feel the need to take a picture of because you know you'll never forget the feeling of seeing it for the first time.

Looking at things like this, you wonder who else in the world is seeing the same thing you are. I smiled at the thought of young kids wishing on the same stars the elderly could see from their window, wherever they were.

We stood, admiring the sky until we had to get back in the bus. I got ready for bed and climbed into my bunk. I noticed my phone had some notifications so I looked at them and frowned. Two missed calls from Charlie. I decided to take Otto's advice. I'm tired of playing phone tag, I'll call her in the morning. I rolled over after plugging in my phone and felt someone pat my back.

"Night Awsten," Geoff said before walking off.

⚠️trigger warning|||anxious thoughts/anxiety attack⚠️

I sighed and closed my eyes. Thoughts echoed in my head. How I lied to Charlie. We could've spent more time together instead of fighting. It was my fault. It's always my fault. What's the point in loving me if I'm never there?

"Maybe I'm not worth it," I mouthed to myself.

"You can't be there for her," my head screamed, "she's gonna leave you. You don't deserve this. All you have is work."

My heart rate picked up and I started breathing deeply. I knew Geoff had a box of chamomile tea somewhere, so I got up and stumbled into the living space, looking through the cupboards and continuing to soothe my breathing. I guess I was making noise because Jawn walked out and turned on a light.

"Hey, what're you doing? I thought you were asleep."

I opened my mouth to speak but I just gasped.

"Oh my God, Awsten, are you okay?" He walked over to me and put a hand on my back.

"I'm trying, to find, Geoff's tea," I took breaths in between my words. He nodded and opened up a cupboard, pulling out a bag from the box. He told me to sit down as he ran hot water in a cup and put the bag in. He brought the cup to me and sat down next to me.

"Deep breaths dude, deep breaths."

Once I calmed down a enough, I was able to breathe normally and I heard my heart rate finally come down.