rare. |a.k.|

thirty four|high definition

1 month later
𝔸𝕨𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟'𝕤 ℙ𝕆𝕍

I was sitting on a couch in the main area of the bus. Geoff was sitting next to me, waiting for a response. I trashed an entire album, I'm sure they'd want answers. Otto was across from me talking to Lucas but I couldn't hear them.

"It's not the direction I wanted us to go. It's not where Waterparks is going, or where we should go. Just trust me. I'm sorry guys."

Geoff nodded and Otto walked over to me, patting my shoulder.

"We understand man, just talk to us next time." He weakly smiled at me.

I felt like shit about it, all of the guys' hard work was gone. But it's not like they had no idea. I'd talk to them about the message behind the album before, no one agreed with it. I'd even gave subtle hints it was something I was looking to do.

Lucas was looking at me with an expectant look and I raised an eyebrow. He motioned for me to go outside. We silently walked out of the bus and he shoved his hands in his pockets, squinting at me because of the sun.

"What?" I asked, slightly tilting my head.

"So I uh, I wasn't snooping, but there was a page laying in your bunk and it caught my eye so I read the big title 'High Definition'."

Oh.

"I read until I realized a part repeated and figured it was lyrics. What's going on man?"

I ran a hand through my hair and deeply sighed.

"It was when Charlie and I were fighting. She said she 'needed space' and I've heard that one a million times. I freaked the fuck out and started thinking about... things, people, and I was just in that headspace. I just, wrote. I don't know who about. Someone, but it's not all there, ya'know?"

"Is it subconsciously about Charlie?" Lucas tilted his head. "You had to have had someone in mind, I mean, you literally say 'I'd love to be in love with you enough to write a love song'. That was what sparked the fight right? Like, who else would it be about?"

I hesitantly shook my head.

"I love Charlie," I said firmly, "I know I do. Maybe it's just repressed emotions blowing out."

Lucas opened the bus door, saying "Let's hope so" before walking in and leaving me alone outside.

•••

I smiled into the computer screen. It'd been a couple days since Lucas talked to me about High Def and it's been weighing on me. But, I did work it out kinda. I love Charlie. I know I do, it's not about her.

I was on FaceTime with Charlie trying not to think about how it wasn't enough and how I wanted to just reach through and hold her.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" She turned from her cooking to talk to me.

"How badly I wanna kiss you."

"Cute and same."

I smiled harder as she sat down with a bowl of macaroni and cheese.