rare. |a.k.|

fifty|surviving

this is just a whole ass filler. also, fifty chapters!! thank y'all so much for continuing to read this, i couldn't be happier with this :)

***

"Well, what kind of cake are you making?"

I sighed. This shouldn't be THAT hard, but then again, this is my mother.

"I don't know, chocolate? I just woke up and wanted to make a cake."

I heard her laughing and I groaned in frustration, staring at the wide variety of frostings in front of me.

"I would say vanilla buttercream,"

"Or peanut butter frosting," Roy interrupted. I made a face.

"Ew, gross. What about cherry?"

"Maybe," my mom said with hesitation, "but I always did vanilla buttercream for you growing up."

I smiled and picked up a tub of Betty Crocker's frosting.

"Thanks mom, I love you."

"I love you too honey, show me when it's done."

I finished my shopping up pretty quickly and got into the checkout line. Luckily, that process was painless and fast. I walked out to my car and turned on music. "Bad Ideas" by Tessa Violet played through the speakers. The album was fairly new but I was already in love with it.

"And yeah, I know I don't need it, but wouldn't it be neat? We fall in love with a feeling, just feeling you and me, I keep repeating, repeating the way we shouldn't be," I sang, earning looks from people in passing cars.

Once I pulled into the parking lot, my phone started ringing. It displayed a picture of Clayton so I picked it up.

"Oh my God, hey!" I said, grabbing the bags and climbing out of my car.

"Hey, I was just checking up on you. We haven't talked in a while, how are you? Are you still liking California? Because we'll happily welcome you back."

I laughed as I jogged up the stairs to my door. I unlocked it and walked inside, placing the bags on the counter.

"I actually love LA. I didn't think I would, but being here for a couple months changes you."

"God, it's been how long already?"

"Uhm, it'll be a year in May."

"Jesus," he said, hints of disbelief in his voice. "So seriously, how are you?"

"Oh, well, I'm uh, surviving I guess."

I heard him hum.

"Yeah. Being alone probably isn't fun."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"I mean, it's not fun but I can handle it. I've lasted a week, I just have to do that about 20 more times."

He let out a breathy laugh.

"Yeah, just count it down like that."

As we talked, I started to warm the frosting and make the batter. I complained about the busyness of LA and he complained out his new neighbors, the people who moved in where I used to live.

"It's just not the same. I sometimes see in their place because they leave the door wide open and it's a mess. You had it so pretty and clean and they fucked it all up."

I laughed as I mixed the dry ingredients with the wet. He eventually had to go so I was able to play music. I turned on I Don't Know How But They Found Me's EP and danced to Bleed Magic as I poured the batter into the pan.

Once that was in the oven, I washed the dishes and started stirring the frosting. Once I cleaned everything made sure the buttercream was soft enough to spread once the cake was out and cool, I sat and thought about what to do. I had another 10 minutes left before I had to take the cake out and let it cool, then another hour before I could frost it.

I guess I could sketch something. I got a piece of paper and started drawing a skyline of somewhere. It was just skyscrapers against a fade in. I drew stars and started blending make it look better. Half way through I had to take the cake out but I got back to where I was and it looked pretty seamless.

It took me a bit of time, but I eventually finished the drawing and smiled at it. I slipped it into a lament folder and hung it up with sticky tack. It didn't look half bad. By that time, the cake was definitely ready to be frosted.

I slipped it out of the pan and put it on a cake stand to I could frost it. I (somehow) cut it evenly in half after deciding to do a double layer cake. It was super close, but I had enough frosting for this project. After using little icing tubes to decorate it, I smiled at the end result. It actually looked really good.

After taking a picture and sending it to my mom like she asked, I tried the cake and let me tell you, it was a mental fight to not eat the whole thing. It turned out surprisingly well. Maybe I should drop writing and do baking.

Deciding I should eat dinner before eating cake, I popped a chicken bacon ranch pizza in the oven because that's the superior kind of pizza.

As you can see, when I'm alone, I eat extremely healthy.

I turned on YouTube and clicked on a CrankGameplays video because Ethan never fails to make me laugh. I sat and was happily unproductive for another two hours. I looked at the clock that read 12:56 pm and decided I should probably clean.

I actually liked cleaning, it felt really nice to watch the clutter disappear. And this past month, it really piled up, because Awsten and I weren't really focused on that.

I picked up the clothes that were laying on the floor and put them all in the hamper. Of course there was enough to run a load of laundry but I didn't want to right now. I didn't feel like walking all the way down to the laundry room, especially on a Thursday because that was wash day for a guy that gave off the most uncomfortable energy.

It's safe to say I cleaned everything in our entire building twice and ended up being exhausted by 4:30. I curled up on the couch under a blanket not really intending on falling asleep but I unfortunately did anyways.

I woke up to the sound of the FaceTime ring tone but I had just missed it. It took a while for me to wake up enough to grab my phone and see what was going on. The clock said "9:39" and I had 4 missed calls from Awsten.

"Fuck," I whispered as I clicked on his contact. It rang and he didn't pick up. My face dropped as I called him again, but still, there was no answer.

I felt tears brim my eyes. I sighed deeply and blinked, feeling them spill over. I closed my eyes and whispered to myself,

"I'm surviving."

*𝕀𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕞*

chxrlie_hope

Liked by emma.marie and 1,930 others
chxrlie_hope the days are getting longer
View all 938 comments
momma.pond Looks beautiful!
awstenknight I WILL DROP EVERYTHING TO COME HOME AND EAT THIS DON'T TEST ME
clay_lee_ This is why you were so eager to get off the phone

***
(may 13, 2020)