[[[all of my flaws]]][[[part ii]]]

61.

With everyone tucked up in bed, or in Kyle's case, the toilet, just me and Lily were awake. We sat talking about how fun the night had been and I just watched her eyes light up as she giggled. I loved how her whole face would illuminate. I loved the creases around her eyes and the laughter lines round her mouth. I loved her and everything about her.

'Lily...'

'And then did you see how Coop just-'

'Lily.'

'-took off his pants like he didn't care. Man I'm gonna miss this-'

'I love you.' I managed to finally say. I'd made up my mind. I didn't want to be with Emma, baby or no baby. I wanted Lily. I wanted us to be together. We were already married and I didn't want to go another day hiding what we were. I'd cross all the bridges when they came.

'Dan.' She sighed. But behind that sigh was the tiniest glimmer of hope. And that's all I needed.

'Dance with me.' I stood up and offered her my hand. She shook her head.

'Theres no music.' And then she hid her eyes with her hands. And when I plied them away I saw it wasn't out of embarrassment, but because she was crying. I pulled her up into a hug and held her close. I swayed us gently side to side, taking a hand in mine and kissing it.

'I love you.' I repeated. It was just like the night of my twenty third birthday when we had danced in the living room. She finally looked up at me and I held my breath with anticipation.

'Dan I don't know...I love you too, but-'

'No buts. Stop there.' I told her and she laughed. 'I know you left me for a reason and no amount of apologising or saying sorry or sending flowers will make up for what I did, but I promise you I will never hurt you again. I swear.'