[[[all of my flaws]]][[[part ii]]]

18.

I wished we didn't have a day off. Days off equated to having time to think. And I didn't want to think. I didn't want my mind to wander to Emma kissing someone else. Those perfect red lips which were once all mine now tainted by another man. How could I ever enjoy their softness without thinking about where they'd been.

I threw my backpack across the living room, knocking over her guitar that stood by my piano. I wanted to throw it out the window and see it smash a hundred feet below. I wanted to bag up all her things, her stupid candles and stupid pictures of flowers that had invaded my home over the years, and throw them out. I couldn't see how we would be ok after this.

Had this been her plan? Had she wanted to dump me but couldn't, so had chosen to do something stupid and force me to dump her?

I stormed around the empty flat, knowing that if I sat still, I would go mad. I didn't even know when I'd see Emma again. She was supposed to be coming to the tour next week but I knew if she did then I would be in no state to perform.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. New message from Lily asking if I was ok.

And that was the worst thing of all. Seeing Lily every single day for the past week, remembering how much I'd once loved her and how happy we'd been, then Emma saying she'd cheated on me. It was all too much. I'd been having horrible, horrible thoughts about Lily. Not about the whole marriage thing because there wasn't much I could do about that while she refused to speak about it. But about kissing her. I'd see her stood there in her trouser suit with her hair all straight and done nicely and I just wanted to hold her.

She had only been in my life for two months, but they had been the best two months of my life. She had bought a light into my world and when she'd left, it had been impossible to just forget her. I went to he fridge and got myself a beer. It might've only been eleven in the morning, but right then I wanted to get very drunk and forget everything.