[[[all of my flaws]]][[[part ii]]]

15.

I kept out of the way for the rest of the day. I couldn't risk Mark realising who I was. It hadn't even occurred to me when I'd seen his name pencilled into the schedule that it was the guy I'd met years ago. The only thing saving me was how different I must've looked. I'd changed my hair style and colour and didn't look like a beaten up prostitute anymore.

And then the third dilemma of the tour hit. Just before they were due on stage at 9, I seemed to have lost Dan. Woody, Kyle and Will were waiting by the side to go on.

'Where is he?' I asked. They all looked at each other and shrugged. 'Can you help me find him?' I said in an exasperated gasp. How could they not seemed bothered that the lead singer had done a disappearing act?

'I think I saw him outside on the phone a bit a go.' Kyle said.

'Right, well go look there. Will can you check the toilets and Woody go to the bus.'

He'd been in the dressing room an hour ago laughing with the photographer, Greg, who hadn't seen him since. I rang his phone twenty times but got no answer. The sound and lighting guys had no idea. Fuck.

I wandered the halls, looking in every room, calling out his name. He knew what time we were on. He knew he had a job to do. I felt my blood pressure rising with every second that passed. Why would he pull a stunt like this? Didn't he realise he was putting my job at risk? Just when the dust was settling from the shock, he'd gone and disappeared.

I could hear the crowd chanting their names. People were rushing around everywhere, all looking for him. I swore when I got my hands on him, I would go mental. But when he did finally turn up with one minute to spare, along side Kyle, his eyes were red and poofy, as though he'd been crying.

'Dan?' All trace of anger towards him evaporated and was replaced with guilt. Of course he wouldn't just go off for no reason. Something had happened. But he just shook his head, took up his mic and ran on stage.

Mark came and stood next to me while the boys were performing. This time I had the darkness to conceal who I was. It was too loud to hold a conversation, thankfully. I was relieved when the show finished and I high fived the four of them as they came off, sweaty and happy. The usual routine of having a beer and chilling out backstage for a while could not happen that night. We had work to do.

I tried to catch Dan on his own to see if he was ok, but he seemed to be putting distance between us. There had once been a time when we told each other everything. Hell, he knew everything about me. But he couldn't tell me what had made him upset enough to nearly miss a show. He didn't have to tell me anything, we weren't together anymore, but seeing him hurt made me feel awful.

I watched from the sidelines as Woody imputed a drum track into the computer. It still fascinated me how good he was. For years our bedrooms had been beside each other's and I'd had to listen to his banging and clashing for hours each night. Many arguments had been fought over his passion. And now he was somewhat famous thanks to it. I could see how much he loved being on stage and how the fans loved him too. I was sat between Kyle and Will, watching in awe.

'Lillian, pass me that mic?' Mark asked me. I did as I was told, hoping to speed up the process. We were up in a few hours and I didn't want four tired men to deal with. As he took it from me I watched his face change. 'Hey... Where do I know you from?' He asked.

'I don't know.' I shrugged, trying to hide my panic.

'Did you work with One Direction last year?'

'No.' <i>Please stop guessing</i>, I begged.

'Hmmm.' He stared at me.

'I have a common face.' I laughed, nervously. I saw Dan looking at me from across the small room, but I couldn't meet his gaze. We'd be rumbled straight away. Now Dan was singing into the mic, a new song I hadn't heard them perform yet. It sounded good. But then, everything he'd done sounded good. He seemed quiet. Not his jokey self.

One by one as their parts were finished, they started retiring to their bunks and by two am, Will, Kyle and Woody were tucked up in bed. Dan was starting to nod off as he waited for Mark to polish off the vocal track. It was time to call it a night. We helped Mark take some things out to his van. I handed him a box of disks and as I did, he began to laugh.

'Its you.' He said suddenly. 'I knew I knew you. Lily, right? Dans 'friend'?' He did air quotations with his fingers. I stood rooted to the spot, not knowing what to say next. Frozen mid-box-hand-over.

'Please, don't say anything.' Dan whispered from behind me, having caught the conversation.

'Why not?' Mark laughed.

'Just don't. Ok?' Dan said, no tone of joking in his voice. I looked up to the bus to check no windows were open and the words weren't floating up to ears that shouldn't hear.

'Ok.' He rolled his eyes.