[[[all of my flaws]]][[[part ii]]]

16.

Lying in my bunk, staring up at the carpeted ceiling, my head was spinning. The whole time I'd been recording my parts, my phone had been going mad in my pocket. I had done my best to hold myself together but everything seemed to have exploded in the form of a massive fight with Emma. She was in Europe somewhere with her band and we'd been texting back and forth like normal, about our day, about when we'd next both be home. Everything was fine. And then an hour before we were both due on stage thousands of miles apart, I got a message that shook me to my core.

*i don't no if I can do this n e more*

I'd just stared at the screen, unsure what to reply. Did she mean us? Her band? I rang her and got no answer. I began to panic. She'd always been a little high maintenance, a little bit dramatic, but I loved her despite that. I found it a breath of fresh air after being with Lily who didn't need me to look after her, who would often shrug things off and just get on with it.

*please answer your phone, you're scaring me xx*

I tried ringing her bandmates, her manager, even her make up artist. No one would talk to me. Horrible scenarios ran through my mind. Had she done something to herself? Was she in trouble?

*emma, please. I love you. Xx* I sent. I couldn't possibly go on stage without knowing if she was ok. I was ready to cancel the show and fly out there if I had to. But this time I got a reply almost immediately.

*i fucked up I'm so sorry I kissed some1 else*

Without really thinking, without feeling anything but absolute numbness, I left the venue, passing screaming fans, ignoring their hands grabbing at me. I walked into the chilled night air trying to pull breath into my lungs. How could she have kissed someone else? Why would she? Didn't I treat her well enough? Had I done something wrong? Maybe I should've paid more attention to her. This was my fault. Why did I everyone I love always hurt me?

I ignored all her calls during the show and now, the phone still flashing and lighting up the bunk, thinking what to do. I refused to talk to her over the phone and definitely not with my friends around. I didn't want them to know.