The Nerd Who Rules The School

Chapter 44

I got my keys out and quickly went in, closing the door softly. I called out, but no one answered. My parents were out again, probably to help Drizel.

Taking the stairs two steps a time, I hurried into my room and closed the door. Exhaling, I looked down at my gift, clutched tightly in my hands.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and gently teared the letter off the box and set it aside. Although the box was as big as my hand, it didn't weight much.

Half of me wanted to tear it open right away, but another half wanted to wait and save it; because this would be the last gift I would ever receive from her. Torn, I stared at the ordinary black velvet box in despair.

But I knew that if I didn't open it now I never would, and the curiosity was killing me. Buzzing with anticipation and a little fear, I gently lifted opened the box.

A simple clockwork angel necklace stared right back at me. A smile made its way onto my face subconsciously. The clockwork angel was exactly like Tessa's. A metallic bronze angel with wings as big as it, holding a sword downwards, eyes closed. The details and embroideries on its wings were astonishing. It was bigger than I thought it would be, and heavier, as if there really was a working clock inside.

Idly, I brought it to my ear and strained to hear the ticking of a clock; instead I heard something shifting. Taken back, I looked at it more closely, then I noticed a latch on the angel's left wing.

No way.

I pushed the latch and the clockwork angel sprang opened in half. On both of its wings were four tiny pictures.

The picture furtherest left was the first picture we had ever taken together; when we first met in elementary school and our parents met when they picked both of us up. There in front of the school they took a picture of us, arms around each other with grins so big it showed all our baby teeth. Since then we had been inseparable. I smiled fondly at it, remembering little flashbacks of the day. For a second, I forgot everything else and relished in the past.

The second picture was three years ago, when we went to Disneyland to celebrate Maya's birthday and moving on to high school. It was one of the rare selfies we took, with the Mickey Mouse ears she insisted to buy.

I threw it away. This was worse than stabbing myself. If only I haven't. But then who knew this would happen? I thought we had more time. More chances to make more memories.

Pushing back the pressure behind my eyes, I looked at the third picture. It was actually quite recent, it was the last selfie we took together. It was at the last party we went to together, the last and second party. We finished playing beer pong and she was tipsy, insisting to take a selfie because I rarely dressed that nice and go to parties with her. In the picture, she was laughing and I was trying to keep a bored face but you could tell I was failing horribly.

I should have went to more parties with her. I should have taken more pictures, more selfies.

At this point, it was useless trying to hold everything back. Tears pooled out of my eyes and a sob broke out of me. Shutting the locket, I brought my knees up and hugged the locket to my chest. Clutching it so tightly that it was a wonder that it didn't shattered.

The tears wouldn't stop, I thought they said time heals everything, I guess it doesn't. Because the hole in my heart was still as hollow as ever; my mind was still plagued with monsters and demons, trying to drown me every day and night; I was still broken, incomplete.

I let everything took over me; my emotions, the memories, the demons and monsters. I let them in, I opened the battered, worn-out gate and let them flood in. Allowing them to consume me, because it was easier to let go than to hold on.

Hours might had past, but I wouldn't know; Time had also abandoned me. My back started to hurt and I could feel my legs cramping. My eyes had dried long ago but I could still feel the tears on my face, drying up as well.

Like someone who had been trapped in a rock, I slowly got up, wincing at my cracking bones. Feeling emptier than my bookshelves, I looked down at my hands, still clutching my last piece of Maya tightly. I opened my palms and I just realized how sore they were, red and dented.

With hands of an elderly, I once again pushed the latched and I finally looked at the last picture. It wasn't a picture, instead it was calligraphy written on a small piece of paper.

Maya                      I love you
         ♾                        to the end of the worlds
              Laura                   and back 🖤
             
I thought I had ran out of tears, I was completely wrong. I shut the locket before my tears could ruin them. It was like I had never left the sea, I had never been saved. My land was gone, my only anchor was far, far away, just out of my reach.

I guessed I would have to finally learn how to swim.

And I did.

First I let myself sank, sinking in all the what ifs, dreams, memories, demons and monsters. Torturously slow, my legs started to kick behind me, bringing me up to the surface. I finally knew how to float, just keeping my head above the water.

I wiped my tears, clearing my vision. I opened the locket one last time, trying to memorize the delicate details of the pictures and words before closing it and fastening it behind my neck.

Finally, with my head out of the water, I knew what I had to do to actually learn how to swim.

To not be afraid of the sea anymore.