The Nerd Who Rules The School

Chapter 36

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a pair of arms wrapped around me. Brought back from my demons, my natural instincts lashed out. I stepped on the person's foot and elbowed them as hard as I could with my hands still covering my tear streaked face.

Stupid stupid stupid, how could you not notice that someone had followed you out. If only you hadn't been wallowing in self-pity.

"Ow!" A very familiar voice cried out in pain.

I relaxed immediately, knowing that I was not in any sort of danger.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed at Asher, trying to shake off his arms that were around me. Shaking off the temporary warmth, I was afraid that if I got even a tiny bit of it, I would never forget it. When it leaves me, I would be left colder than before.

"Come on, Laura. It's okay. Everything will be alright. You will be alright." His soothing and calming voice was somehow louder than my hysterical cries.

Tired of pushing people away, my shoulders slumped forward and I allowed Asher to pull me towards him without much resistance.

His strong arms engulfed me once again. Instinctively my body arched towards his, desperate for warmth and comfort and familiarity.

In his embrace, I was protected from my demons and monsters. His warm presence had chased them away temporarily. He was my anchor, the only thing that was grounding me to reality.

I knew I shouldn't have suppress all those feelings, look where it got me. Now it had finally erupted, raining down hard on me. As I let out all those bottled up feelings, I desperately looked for silver lining to cling onto in this brewing storm. At last, I looked up at him.

Through my tears, his blue eyes were still as clear as ever. Clouds of concern was the only thing that were in those starry night skies. How can he still look at me like that? I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

"I can't, Asher. I just can't do it." I cried, staring into those eyes, the stars in it seemed to blink sadly at me.

"It's alright, it doesn't have to be right now. You can always see her whenever you are ready." His hand delicately cupped my face, his thumb gently wiped my tears away. Just a taste of him already had me addicted. Now I only wanted more, more of his warmth, his comfort, him.

His warmth only brought me a blissful second, soon as it had arrived, my demons pushed it away with so much force, it had vanished without a trace.

"But- but I should be there for her burial!" I sobbed, I couldn't make sense of all the emotions inside of me right now. I hadn't felt so much in such a long time, everything was screaming at me. It was like I had watched my whole life through a window, and now suddenly, I am no longer separated by the window; instead I'm out here fully experiencing everything. Everything was hitting me all at once, I had never been more confused and frustrated of myself. I didn't even know what I wanted, for myself, for her.

"I- should be at the burial right now instead of-of hiding in here like-like a coward." I whispered the last word softly, saying it out loud sounded much more real, much more true.

It's just a goddamn funeral, how can you not attend? It's your best friend's funeral. Beside her brother, you are the closest to her. You should be there for her.

"You, Laura Clark, are anything but a coward." Lightning struck in the night skies that were just clear seconds ago, bright angry flashes brightened up the night skies.

"It is normal to not be able to attend your best friend's funeral. You had sat through her parents funeral, then her service, you are already braver than others." He said fiercely, staring so intensely at me.

When someone studied you this intensely, you should have felt like a bug under a microscope, but under his eyes, I didn't; I didn't feel uncomfortable or insignificant. Instead I felt like I was the only thing that mattered to him, the only thing that existed.

I nodded reluctantly, how can he still believe in me? Burying into the soft curve of his neck, I tried to shut my demons' voices out. A shudder went through him when my cold, tear-streaked face made contact with his skin. I pulled away alarmingly, did I do something wrong?

He didn't allow me, he tightened his arms around me, squeezing me so tightly I almost couldn't breath; but I didn't mind. Everywhere his skin touched mine was on fire, even through the thick layer of clothes.

His warmth was enough to keep my demons at bay, I tried to focus on him instead. He was the light that led my way as I battled my monsters and demons.

As if feeling my struggle, he whispered, "Maya wouldn't mind, as long as you do what is good for you, she will be happy. I believe that. I know that."

Hearing someone said it out in the open reassured me more than I could ever reassure myself. I knew a small rational part of me always knew that, but the other, reckless and guilty-driven part wouldn't listen.

"But-but how could you know? How can you be so sure-" I said into his sweater, part of me wanted to believe what he had said desperately, but my other part refused to acknowledge reason.

His confident, strong voice overpowered my irrational part, "I don't, but knowing Maya, we both know that she will-would want the best for you." He hastily changed his tense.

I didn't dwell on the tenses, but before I could speak, I heard voices and panic seized me. My head snapped towards the source, the entrance of the garden. My parents' worried voices floated into the garden, edging closer and closer.

"I will tell them that you are alright, then I will bring you home. Okay?" He asked. When I didn't answer, his hand gently lifted my chin up; forcing my eyes to meet his.

I nodded, but he didn't let go, and I didn't move away. Time seemed to stand still as we stood there, his hand holding my chin, his other arm around my waist. Both my arms were wrapped tightly around him. We were so close, our breath mingling together. Unconsciously, I held my breath as we stared at each other, daring the other to move away first.

"Laura, Laura! Where are you?" My dad's worrisome voice was just around the bushes. Snapping out of the moment-or whatever that was, I forced myself to untangle from him and push him away gently. My actions snapped him out of it, his arms retreated; he took a step back; yet his eyes still lingered on me.

When we heard my mom's voice once again, this time closer and clearer, he finally let go; slowly as if it hurt him to let go, and disappeared around the bushes. All I could hear was hush conversations. The demons and monsters started to rise again but this time, I could finally control them.

I'm sorry Maya, I promise I will come see you when I'm ready. I swear, I swear on everything we believe in.