The Nerd Who Rules The School

Chapter 29

When you couldn't sleep, all you could do is think and imagine scenarios that would never ever happen. With all my overthinking, tossing and turning nights, daydreaming; I had never ever imagine a situation like this.

I couldn't sleep that night, unsurprisingly. I had not move from my position since I received the news. I couldn't even imagine, nonetheless think about it. All that was on my mind was, what if Maya was here. I would tell her everything and what had happened. She would squeal and tell me gleefully I told you so, with a smile so big that it shouldn't possibly fit onto her face yet it did. She would probably give me advice and we would giggled about it then we would celebrate my 17th birthday together like how we were suppose to.

I kept making up scenarios; we could finally go on a double date that she had tell me countless times. Her 18th birthday, that was coming up in just a few months. She would finally lose her virginity to Tom, which she always wanted to, but was just waiting for the right time. Prom, she alway wanted to go to prom, our senior prom. Road trip, and traveling together, buying an apartment. College. Her wedding. All those significant things in life, she could have had experience.

I would never reject her ever again if she asked me to party, or shopping or doing anything with her. I would do anything, give anything, to have her back. Or have one more moment with her. Just one, one more.

No. No. She cannot be dead. She was just here, this morning, or was it yesterday's morning. But she was just right here. Just right here. She can't leave me just like that. She promise- promised that she will never ever leave me.

She promised.

She can't do this to me, how can she just-

"Laura," My dad said softly, he had sat beside me and I didn't even know. "You need to eat something, the sun had risen."

I continued to stare blankly at a wall. My thoughts were too loud, too much, it was like trying to swim through a high tide, a big wave; and I'm failing. Every time I tried to resurface, more water pushed me down and I just kept on sinking. I was drowning.

"Laura." My dad plead helplessly, I felt a sting, later I realized it was guilt; but I was numbed. It was a small blessing that my body had put me through this numbness to protect me. Besides, the guilt was nothing compare to my cracking heart or broken thoughts.

He sat beside me for a while, staring at me like one would look at a crumbling building from afar and knew they could do nothing to stop it. He put down a plate of now cold pasta beside me and left, giving me one last heartbreaking glance before he shuffled down.

I checked my text messages to Maya, they were still unread. I finally noticed my aching back and numbed legs. I strained my ears, trying to hear a sound. Nothing. The house was completely silent.

Slowly and painfully, I got up from my position and my legs wobbled, I held tightly onto the side of my bed for support. My body was so sore like I had just woken up from a coma. Everything was so far from reality, this didn't feel like reality. It was more like sleepwalking. In a trance, I walked down the stairs slowly, checking to see if there were anyone home. My parents had left, they needed to get to work.

I have school. I just realized. Normally, I would have panic but the realization didn't even faze me. The pain was just a dull ache; something that was so far-fetched. I was numb, numb to the world, the pain, everything. I got back up into my room, I checked my messages and it was still unread. Then I typed in a phone number, so familiar, one that I had been imprinted in my mind for as long as I could remember.

The slow steady beep greeted me, until a minute later, it reached her voice mail.

Hey it's Maya Gaural! Sorry that I couldn't take your call! I will call you back as soon as possible. Please leave a message after the beep.

The phone slipped from my hand and landed with a thud. It was like the numbness that had sheltered me from the pain and shock had finally collapsed. The walls had crumbled. I fell down onto the floor, bruising my knees in the process. I didn't cry, my eyes felt as dry as the Sahara Desert. Instead I let out an anguish scream, a high pitch, full-of-pain scream. I screamed how it was unfair that a great person like Maya, with such bright future had to be taken away, leaving people that love her behind. Why out of all people, it had to be her. When my life was starting to look up, when I had just let down my walls. Why? Why is this happening?

A dark, nagging voice whispered, it's all your fault, if it wasn't because she was coming back for your birthday she wouldn't be dead.

I couldn't stop screaming, and only did when my voice was completely gone. Still the anger hadn't diminished. I had no idea was I angry at the world, Maya, or myself. I realized I was still holding tightly onto my phone. For some unknown reason, this angered me. I threw my phone as hard as I could at the wall and it hit the wall with a satisfying crack. Yet it did nothing to damper my anger. The crack was nothing compared to the crack in my heart. I didn't even think I had one left. If there was, it was in pieces. I never thought I would experience this pain, and always thought that even if I did Maya would be here to comfort me. I never thought my heart would be shattered by her.

My phone gave a weak buzzed, for a second hope rose in me. Blindly, I crawled towards my broken phone and my heart sunk lower than titanic did; it was a notification saying that Cassandra Clare had posted on Instagram. Why did you think it was from Maya? She is dead. She cannot text you anymore. Or talk to you. She. Is. Dead.

Glaring at my phone, I stood up and almost crashed down right away, my legs could barely support me and my hands braced themselves on my bookshelves. I turned my glare onto my books. Normally I would look lovingly at them, but right now, I was livid. I glared murderously at the books with hatred that was supposedly aimed at myself.

What's the use of them anyways? They are all fictional, a fantasy, a pretty lie. They are just a waste of paper and trees.

My thoughts were like a tornado in my mind, rage was boiling in me. Blindly, I roughly pulled my books out of my bookshelves and started to tear at them, one by one.

Stupid, stupid books, all so pointless. Just one big fat lie to keep people temporarily happy.

Soon, there were teared pages and torn books all over the floor. The mess was like my mind right now.

Paper cuts and splinters were all over my hand and fingers yet it did not stop me nor did I feel the pain.

Breathing heavily, I carelessly pulled another book out, it's the Clockwork Angel. It made me hesitated, it was my favorites series after all.

So? It didn't save Maya did it? It just gives you false hope. As if happily ever afters really exist.

I threw it across the room and it created a loud bang. Then I threw another, an another. I threw until there was not a single book left in the bookshelves. My ears kept ringing, yet I could barely hear the ear-splitting bang. It sounded like nothing to me or maybe I just felt nothing. I couldn't feel anything; except anger, bright red, flaming hot anger; a destructive monster that was now lurking inside of me whom I couldn't control. One that I wouldn't control. I set it free.