The Nerd Who Rules The School

Chapter 31

I woke up, and the first thing I felt was a sharp stab of pain in my upper, left abdomen. I had never been this hungry my whole life. I always loved food, I would never miss a meal. So why am I so hungry?

A wonderful, heavenly smell filled the air and I took a deep breath. Just a sniffed and I knew without a doubt that it was pancakes. I scrambled up and Asher, Asher? Was holding a stack of pancakes and passed it to me.

I didn't even bother questioning his unusual presence, the smell had filled my lungs and now my mouth was watering and begging to taste it. I inhaled a whole pancake and was about to on to the second one, but I paused and asked him, "Why are you here?"

"Your parents are back at work, it's morning already." He avoided my question and eye contact.

I frowned. Seconds later, everything came crashing onto me.

I looked at my floor, it was spotless once again. Maybe it was just a nightmare. But all hope of all it being a nightmare evaporated when I looked at my bookshelves. It was as hollow as my heart.

I pushed the plate off me and it fell onto the floor. I barely heard the loud breaking sound of the plate, instead angry voices were once again swimming in my head.

How could I forget?

This is why I don't sleep, it will give you stupid illusions.

I felt guilty that even for a second I had forgotten about her.

And I was just stupidly, happily, eating pancakes like everything is fine.

As if everything will ever be the same.

I could feel him hovering over me, unsure of what to do.

"Did you stay for the whole night?" I asked in a monotone, schooling my expression into a blank canvas.

"Yes," the uncertainty in his voice was obvious, "Your parents allowed, and um, I just sat beside you." He added hastily.

A wave of warmth washed over me at his answer, he stayed, he didn't leave me.

"Why are you here, don't you have school?" My expression still unreadable.

"Your mom let me skip a day to... take care of you."

"Why didn't my parents stay instead?" I asked out of curiosity, I was glad it was Asher rather than my parents, they would just make things awkward and create tension.

"They did suggest that, but I told them that they shouldn't as it will be.. awkward. So they decided I should stay, they don't want you to be alone when you wake up." He rubbed his neck nervously, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

When I didn't reply he continued on, "If you want them here right now I can call them, I'm sure they will come here as soon as possible."

I still hadn't respond and I could feel the panic rising within him that he tried to hide, "Or I can leave, is there anyone else you want to be here for you? Or I will just leave."

"No, no stay." I whispered, he heard me and stopped heading for the door.

The last thing I felt like doing was talking to someone, yet I didn't want him to leave. If he did, my sanity would too. I would fall back into the hole, the pain, and I would drive myself crazy.

He stood there awkwardly, like a colorful picture in a black and white house. I hugged my knees to my chest tightly. I could feel those thoughts coming back to me, all those demons, clawing at my heart, mind, consuming my whole being.

How can she be dead? Why? Why her of all people? Maybe it really was my fault, if she didn't come rushing back for my birthday she wouldn't be dead.

My birthday, it was my birthday.

Happy birthday to me. I thought bitterly, I almost laughed out loud, the irony. On my birthday of all day this could have happen.

"Laura," Asher's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked up, desperate for some kind of distraction, some sliver lining in this tornado of dark thoughts.

Maybe he saw the desperation on my face, or my eyes searching for some sort of salvation; I didn't have time to hide the hopelessness. Slowly, he came towards me, as if giving me time to move away, I didn't. He advanced forward until he was on the edge of my bed, he sat down and put his arms around me.

I let myself to be drawn to him. I rested in between his legs, my legs placed themselves on his sides as his did the same. His arms went around my waist as mine went around his shoulder. I ended up sitting on his lap, he pulled me closer until it wasn't humanly possible. I leaned my head on his shoulder, I could feel his hand rubbing small circles on my back, providing me a small comfort.

I had always hated hugs. I hated the feeling of someone invading my personal space, bursting my personal bubble. As time past, I grew fond of Maya's bone-crushing hugs. I missed it so much. I never knew I could miss hugging someone, the warmth and comfort she had gave me.

Oh how I wish I can just hug her one last time.

Nevertheless, this hug right now was just as warm. I never expected this to be so comforting. Maya's hugs felt like I belonged there, while Asher's hugs felt like finally going home after a long day.

"Everything is going to get better, you will get through this." He whispered soothingly into my ears, continuously stroking my back lightly.

"How can I? My best friend is-is gone." My breathe hitched at the word, I couldn't say the word, not yet.

"You still have me, I will always be here. I pro-"

I cut him off, "Don't give me empty promises. You can't promise that you will never die, that you won't end up in an accident, or-or we grow apart. You can't promise anything."

I was barely surviving this broken promise, I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with another one.

"I promise, that no matter what happens, I will never leave you willingly." He promised.

"You really promise?" I asked in a small-childlike voice.

He held my face gently between his hands, forcing me to look at him. "Yes, I promise you, Laura." He said it so surely, with so much confidence.

Looking into those clear blue eyes, I found myself believing him. Like a child believing in Santa even after she saw her mom put the presents under the tree at night and ate the cookies.

Why would I still believe in these promises? Maybe because I was desperate for hope. Or I just couldn't bear another person leaving me. Like a dehydrated man in a desert walking towards an inferior mirage, refusing to believe that it was just an illusion.

"Okay, I believe in you, I trust you." I poured all that I had left into those little words, my trust, my hope. His promise was the only thing I'm clinging onto, like how one would hold onto the only light in this dark, twisted world.