endless - discontinued

2

E L E A N O R

I can't take it anymore, I'm breaking piece by piece and he doesn't know.

I've loved him for over 11 years, married him for 3 years and he's only loved me for 8 years.

I married him when I was 20, I was so eager to get married, ignoring the fact I could possibly be wasting my life away.

He's at her house right now, kissing her, making love to her, he's doing everything he used to do to me, to her.

Tomorrow is our anniversary and I still have a speck of hope that he still loves me and I'm sick of it.

He comes home at 4 am, messy hair, the unbuttoned shirt and he still thinks that I don't know.

Andrew had loved me.

Loved. Past tense.

He used to.

I truly miss those times. The times where he'd take me out on dates, the times where he'd eat dinner with me.

The times where he said and showed that he loved me.

But those times are gone, replaced by a filthy cheater.

Yet I still chose to believe he'd love me.

Every day he'd go to work while I was at home, drinking my problems away, crying myself to sleep and wondering where did I go wrong? I still haven't found the answer to that, what was wrong with me, why did he stop loving me, why did he choose her?

I wrote a letter every once a week but I never had the guts to give it to him.

One day.

One day he'd see them and that day, I won't be able to see his reaction.

I stand up, walking towards the kitchen sink. I put my glasses of whiskey inside the sink.

Grabbing a plate, I set the table, glancing over to his seat.

I made my dinner and sat at the table.

This was my life.

And me bing a coward, accepted it.

I ate my dinner in silence.

I stared at his seat, my face had mixed emotions.

I should hate him.

But I don't.

That's where I'm confused.

Why can't I just suck it up and demand him a divorce?

I'm weak. I stopped sleeping, I was worn out.

Empty, distressed, defeated, you name it and that's what I am.

I was shattered, I wanted this to end.

It wasn't fair, why is he happy and I'm not?

Why is he getting his happy ending, while I'm tearing apart?