Ink | Sabriel, Adamandriel, Michifer, Destiel

Chapter 26

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Castiel felt a pit at the bottom of his stomach. The only way to describe it would be that it was itchy in a way. He couldn't ignore it. It felt like a rock had settled itself in his stomach. It weighed him down and made him feel fatigued.

Long story short, Castiel was nervous. No, scratch nervous, he felt agitated, with a hint of mind-wrecking fear. Everything wanted to get on his nerves, and they were succeeding. His pants felt too itchy, and his hair didn't want to stay flat. He felt like a mess, something that Dean wouldn't like. Well, Dean was really the cause of all his stress.

After Castiel had gotten home that day he had received a text from Dean, who had set up a well thought plan. It was as though he had been thinking about it for awhile. Which had pleased him. But it also scared him. Now he had to try and impress Dean. And he really was trying, but he was just so nervous. Just the thought of Dean rejecting him again terrified Castiel. He had to be perfect, he had always been perfect, but all his practices and everything that he had done everyday to seem perfect was just forgotten. He couldn't remember a single thing. The only thing that was there was the unimaginable stress to be perfect, just not how.

This whole date was supposed to be his victory, he had finally won the battle. But the battle had been so short, he had won so suddenly. Everything felt so easy, it didn't fee like a true battle. It felt as though fate had just given up, maybe Dean had given up. He didn't like that thought. The thing that Castiel had hoped Dean would do would be to eventually embrace his feelings. But not just give up to his feelings and feel old they were nagging him. But maybe Castiel was just overthinking things. He was probably letting the stress get to him.

Castiel sighed and attempted to calm himself down. He had a date with Dean, which was going to perfect. Everything would have to be perfect, then he could get rid of his conflicting thoughts and finally start a relationship with Dean.

Castiel just has to settle down.

....

Dean was a wreck. He was so excited but so nervous. He liked Castiel, but he couldn't mess anything up. If he did, he feared that maybe his flaws could disgust him. Even if they were made for each other, Dean wanted to be perfect for Castiel. And he would.

He had everything planned out. They would meet at Dean's house, where they would go to a nice restaurant. It was there where they would have a great time and then begin a nice relationship. Dean had saved up money for this restaurant. He counted each dollar bill, with his hands shaking slightly, and slipped them into his wallet. He felt a sense of pride while counting them, he would try to spend each cent on Castiel. It showed that he in the end had prevailed. Even if Castiel hadn't been what he had expected.

In the back of his mind, a part of his still had some disappointment. He couldn't understand it. It was like it couldn't be satisfied. He liked Castiel. He really liked Castiel. But still that part was persistent. Even after had had asked him out, it remained. He couldn't tell Castiel, it could truly hurt him. And he had been so happy, Dean couldn't ruin that. Dean didn't want to ruin anything. This was the first time he himself had been so excited for something.

Dean wasn't disappointed. He was happy. Excited. But never disappointed. All he had to do was keep telling himself that, then everything would be fine.

Dean just couldn't ruin it.

....

They met at Dean's house. With the car ride full of some anxious silence, before a pleasant conversation started. When they had arrived, Dean quickly, and nervously, opened the door for Castiel. Which caused him to grin at Dean and stroll out the car in a overdramatized fashion.

They both laughed at this and quickly walked into the restaurant. The whole time spent in the restaurant was filled with light conversation. Dean had confessed about the death of his mother. And Castiel had told him about the strange thoughts he had had before their date. Dean had laughed them off, much to Castiel's relief, but had an uneasy feeling when he heard them.

It wasn't about how Castiel had felt. It was about trying to tell him about the thoughts of disappointment. They shouldn't exist. But they did. And when he tried to tell him, they almost encouraged him to make them seem so evil. So controlling. In the end, he couldn't do it. Dean couldn't ruin this night with his hurtful thoughts. He wouldn't disappoint Castiel, or hurt him in any way. All he had to do was keep them to himself. Dean was good at bottling his feelings. He had done to take care of his family. And he would do so now to take care of Castiel.

On the inside Dean's grief for his mother was still fresh in some places. When he thought about old memories He would have to hide his tears. But thinking about how she she so suddenly left them just angered him. He was split apart. But he could act fine for Castiel. For his family. They were all so happy. They were all over her death. But Dean couldn't abandon all thoughts away from her.

A realization shook him away from their date. It took him away from trying to impress Castiel. His disappointment was his grief. In a way, with Castiel he was moving on. His thoughts had been all about Castiel. Not his family, not his mother. His grief was keeping him away from fully loving Castiel. It was his disappointment.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice called out to him.
His voice seemed to echo. Dean was in a dream-like trance, and it was Castiel who snapped him out of it

"Huh? Oh...sorry." Dean said, scratching the back of his neck in a sheepish way.

Castiel gave him a gentle, warm smile. It pushed away some of his thoughts. With the rest being, very slowly, tucked away by Dean.

Dean wouldn't ruin the night. He could deal with this later. He would distract Castiel from that space-out with a nice conversation and a charming attitude.

He was great at putting on a smile.