At First {ZM}

Chapter 17

I spoon the cookie dough from the cup. Zayn spoons the rocky road from his cup. To follow the rules we both ate a spoon of the ice cream we originally chosen. Then happily switched.

"I noticed talking about your dad kind of stressed you out."

"Yeah." He let's out a sigh, "My dad died when I was like seventeen."

My mouth is drawn agape. I had no clue as to what to say next. I hadn't thought his father had passed. What do you say to someone who loses someone. I would know that the sorry is unofficial and it doesn't help. When I lost my grandparents sorry was the last thing I wanted to here.

"Zayn...I didn't kn-"

"I know. It's okay." I stab my spoon into my bowl feeling dumb for having brought this conversation up. "What about you?" He says.

"Huh?"

"I seen your mom but nothing about your dad. Is he..."

"He is alive, still married." I drop my head feeling bad for his situation. "I'm not really close with either of them. I'm really close with my nanny."

"Is that like your grand mum?"

"Sort of she practically raised me. She's just a nanny though."

"Oh." He says it and sounds like he feels kind of bad for me. "I was close to my mum. But I was even closer with my dad like. I wanted to spend every second of the day with him." He smiles as he tells it. He shoves his hand into his pocket and his smile fades.

"Let's change the subject." I take another spoon of his ice cream.

He laughs, "You finish yours and now you want to finish mine?"

I laugh, "Sorry. I think I should tell you that my nanny wants to meet you." He looks up with a quizzical expression. "She just wants to see you so she can feel good about herself."

"When?"

"I don't know. Not tonight though."

"Okay." I can see the relief in his eyebrows. He rubs his lips together then pats his thighs. "Should I take you home?" he asks.

"Yeah. It is a school night."

(•_•)

The cool air blows through. He stands in front of me his lips parted to say something. I've been waiting because of his constant stammering. I'm trying to wait for whatever he has to say. But he is only staring at me.

"I had fun with you. I always do."

"I always have fun with you too." I start for the door pulling it open. "I'll see-" He takes my free hand bringing me back to him. He pulls me into a hug. His hands at my waist. At the realization I stand on my tip toes. I lace my hands around his neck. I pull back a little still feeling his chest against mine. I start to inch my lips to his but he pulls back.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He says. His fingers loosen from around my waist. I swallow the lump in my throat. He leaves me behind standing in this stupefied position. I thought he would kiss me. I thought that's why he pulled me back. But why would he pull away?

I take a step into the building, "Hi Bryan." Bryan isn't even here. "Oh." I push the button of the elevator. I sit up against the wall. I feel the tears burn at the back of my eyes. Why am I even about to cry. So he's not into you that way. Maybe he's gay. I shake my head.

"No." I say aloud. There is no way that he's gay. I hold the tears as the doors ding and the metal doors open up.

I walk to the door entering the house. The lights are out so I sneak into my room. I reach my room and jump into my bed. The tear I held come out with a heave. I just feel rejected. I thought we had something but now I know we don't. Why would he say those things to me if he didn't want it to go anywhere?