Soulmate (Cameron Dallas/ Nash Grier/ Matthew Espinosa/ Hayes Grier)

Chapter 97

3 CHAPTERS LEFT WHAT
.
.
.

Nash's POV

My eyes trace the speckled flooring of the plane, moving up and down the aisle in almost a rhythmic motion. I'm hunched over, elbows resting on my knees as they shake incessantly, my hands clasped together as my thumbs repeatedly wrestle each other. I catch my head turning back, but stop myself in time and look out the window across the aisle instead. It takes everything in me not to look back a few rows where she sits. I try to distract myself, following the clouds as they pass by; watching how the wing of the plane gracefully cuts through them. Hayes nudges my arm, and I know what he's going to say so I ignore him. He hits me again, harder this time, and I press my clasped hands tighter against each other.

"Nash," he says quietly.

I sigh, putting my head in my hands; my fingers immediately entangling in my hair.

"I know you don't want to talk about it but-"

"You're right, I don't."

"You can't keep doing this."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Nash-"

"Hayes, drop it."

"No I won't-"

"Hayes-"

"No! I won't let you go back to how you were before!" His voice is quiet, but harsh.

I finally look at him and see the concern on his face. I don't say anything.

"You can't go back every time someone disappoints you," Hayes says.

"I know."

"So please just talk to her."

"I already did."

"And what did you say?"

My eyes travel back to the floor, my words from last night replaying in my head.

"I told her the truth, Hayes."

"And what's that?"

"That I can't forgive her. I just can't."

"So you're never gonna talk to her again?"

"Well I won't have to after this weekend."

Hayes scoffs, sitting back in his chair.

"After all you guys have been through," he whispers.

"Exactly, Hayes." I look at him. "After all we've been through, she still tried to kill herself."

"You're being selfish."

"Am I? Because I think wanting to off yourself and leaving all the people who love you behind is pretty selfish."

"You know what she's been through. I mean, can you just imagine her thought process? She's bullied in school, she had a fight with me and you before she left, and she found out that Cameron has a different father. Can you imagine how alone she must've felt?"

"I don't-" I stop myself; I do care.

"I get that. Believe me I get that, but she wasn't alone. If she'd just let people love her everything would be fine. She'd be fine," I say, trying to convince myself more than him.

"You really believe that?" he asks me.

I open my mouth to say yes, but close it. Hayes, satisfied with the result, turns to face forward again and shuts his eyes. I do the same, my mind reeling in confusion. Maybe we're both selfish. I give in and slowly turn my head down the aisle. My eyes scan the seats until they land on her. Her eyes are closed, a small pout on her lips as her head rests against Cameron's shoulder, her hair cascading down her face. I watch as her chest slowly inflates and deflates, and I mirror my breathing to hers. A rush of calmness washes over me, and I feel the closest to her I've felt all week. I see Cameron's head start turning towards me and quickly look away, my eyes landing on the back of the blue chair in front of me.