The Older We Get

Chapter 88

                Ok, so amidst my future being unclear, my friends a little sketchy, my mom still promoting medical careers, Logan acting strange around me, the race being in an hour and a half at school, and Chandler coming back to Vernon Oaks, my life feels pretty-

Normal?

"Dammit." I whine and fall onto my bathroom floor after the brush went through my hair.

The second I went to the first party of my senior year just to try and be a little more like the other girls, it set me down this long idiotic path of drama.

Then the second I lost my virginity which feels like an eternity ago, I've been strapped onto a huge amount of surprises considering Josh told me he loved me the next morning with a bunch of roses for me to keep, and Chandler later on sleeping on my bed.

That entailing so much leaving me here thinking 'I miss him'.

I miss texting him, calling, pining, it's gotten so much worse since he came back and is only half an hour away.

Chandler and I, both of us worked like oxen to get me even an ounce better than I was already with this race. He cooked and put together really weird dishes for me to eat, insisted on massaging me even though that always felt really erotic, he knew it too that little sh1t, but I miss the way he cared for me, our conversations, his fun and sly personality.

We kissed, or actually did more than kiss a day ago. There's been no contact since then, not even with Colin, meaning it's felt like a week has gone by.

I want to see him again.

I'm so nervous for today, on a personal level; this is me kissing goodbye a huge part of myself.

Once I do today's race, it feels like I'll never want to do anything sport activity related again. Clean cut and seal the deal, put it away and move on. It's scaring me, is that pathetic?

I want to ask Chandler. I need to hear him tell me what he thinks.

Not to go by like a crutch, but let me know I'm not going nuts without anyone to snap me awake from these monstrous worries.

This is the sort of thing I shouldn't get worked up over, but I'm relating it and plugging this action into so many other aspects of me, I'm a tinge anxious.

Moreover, everyone will be there.

I thought before Christmas, everyone was going to be there.

Even mom and Jenny.

It was so obvious Chandler was going to go too, but I feel drained of energy ever since I fully accepted days and days prior to this one, he's not coming.

He's not coming.

"Sage! When you want to leave?!" Mom calls up to me from downstairs but doesn't give a chance to answer. "Orange Juice on the table! If you want to eat something tell me now! I'll make you anything!"

"I'll just have a health bar until later!!" I get up off the tile and matt in order to turn on the blow dryer since I've already sprayed my hair with that thing to protect it from heat.

Reen may have been a little unhelpful in emotional comfort but she picked up really good tips and inside info on how to take care of your features better.