1D & 5sos One Shots

get a proper job u dick

this isn't a one shot

i just thought i'd update you on my life

skip if you want idk I wouldn't bc im hilarious but go ahead and be a hater

ashtyn here

i have undiagnosed insomnia so its currently 2:30am and im writing this

im also listening to 5sos's cover of I miss you and im pissing myself

and I hate people more than anything my personal twitter is like 'I hate people' 'fuck off'

guys im actually scared bc I have a boyfriend what do I do boys don't usually like me im so Fucking awkward WITH a capital f

homecomings this weekend and next weekend woah I probably won't go becauSE ITS A SNAKE HABITAT TURN AROUND

anywhore

reading smut is a lot easier than writing smut like I probably could write it but I'd giggle the whole time i'd be like

hehe. cock.

therapist by day gay butt sex writer by night

im actually a therapist I kik people I've never met and make them feel cool

jk they all probably think im annoying af lol I am

you should listen to my mixes on 8tracks I have two up and im working on like 6

my user is ashsparagus
oh

so if you've never listened to anything by the "band" (its just one dude under a band name thats my biggest pet peeve besides people who spell the word perform like preform) Sleeping At Last

turning page and next to me are my entire life

also mayday parade is perfection along with panic! at the disco swag yuck I said swag

tired ashtyn is tired

nope

one time my dad took my phone and laptop away so I couldn't write you guys a one shot

so I fucking wrote the whole entire thing in a notebook with pencil and paper and my own two hands

its zarry and I should probably type it up but

omfg guys vote if you're still reading I doubt anyone is

I was on my period last week lawl I was so emotional why

my homecoming dress is purty its white on the boobs and the skirt is black and there's jewels on the empire waistline and my boyfriends matching with me aha omg hes a faggot

hey everyone go listen to angel by Jack Johnson and just think about MASHTON I pooped my pants MASHTON is my otp

have you ever wondered what it feels like to get shot I was on a motorcycle and I was like what if I get shot idk

and it would hurt really bad if you got your hand stuck in a blender ow

guyS WE STILL HAVE 0/4 & 0/5 AND THE TEARS STREAM DOEN MY FACE

wow im a carrot

no im not i like to think im not a carrot

so my freshman friend is dating a junior and its the absolute cutest thing ever I cried in choir yesterday bc their relationship is so cute

my boyfriend thinks hes a thug but hes a loser

and Ashlyn's like in love with his best friend

I actually have a boring life my spanish teacher asked me to describe myself and I literally told her aburrida

that means boring btw

I have a small bladder and I need to pee fuck shit dammit

so im short and blonde and I have blue eyes and braces bc im a fuck up and I hate myself lawl im so annoying

and ashlyn has brown hair and green eyes and shes perfect but annoying too

my mom dropped me on my head wen I was a kid and now reality tv is my life

I also ran into a wall and there's a big ass bruise on my hip

so I poked it wtf

its te craic wey hey!

Harry styles is a homosexual

im a Niall girl and an Ashton girl

ashlyn is a Niall girl and a Luke girl

we both think they like boys oops judge me

does anyone else wanna light themselves on fire when they hear Lil Wayne's music cause I do sorry not sorry

LARRY GOT MARRIED IN AUSTRALIA FUCK ALL ELOUNOR SHIPPERS FUCK YOU FUCK THIS FUCK EVERUTHING HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

im such an asshole

dear elounor shippers

fuck with me get off my dick faggots

love ashtyn

guess what im done this is long and boring and annoying and im sorry




comment bitch tits if you finish this

ilysm babies thank you for 18k ❤️
-ashtyn xx