Raindrops | GirlXGirl

» Twenty-Second Differences

{'Beauty is a curse on the world, it keeps us from seeing who the real monster are.'}

Heartbroken.

A sensation of which your heart has been trampled to bits and pieces by a person. A venom in your stomach and a tight knot in your throat. As if all the wings of butterflies inside you were torn to bleed. It is when each of the days becomes a battle to carry on and each of the night becomes a war against your own nightmare. It's an invariable swing of emotions, the worst feeling ever and no matter how hard you try to forget them, they drift right back into your thoughts.

I was left by someone I had loved for the first time. She died horribly because of me. And it gave me a reason to believe that love is not something you can attain easily even if we had the same feelings. That time, I felt like I was six feet underground.

Then I met my angel.

When I saw her for the first time, a spark of hope began. She looked so stunning and untouchable, that if tainted, the clouds would open apart to weep for feathers. But I wouldn't regret it when I grabbed her hand and pulled her with me. I haven't realized it yet during that time but it brought me a nostalgic feeling. Maybe because I used to tug her when we were kids.

But now that she had dumped me, I felt like I was at the very bottom of hell. As if no one could save me. But still, I couldn't help but feel so guilty after I had slapped her. I don't know if I was being dramatic but the contact of her cheek still lingered on my palm until now.

The entire week dragged like a hell hole. The main topic was my party-- about what happened at the party. Which involved my best friend Hilary and the lady bimbo, Khloe.

Strange, isn't it? Why did it have to be always about that witch? And moreover, why did my best friend dared to get close with this bimbo, knowing that every fiber inside me hated this nasty girl who steals Quinn away from me?

Quinn and I avoided each other after that weekend. Or should I say, I'm the one who was avoiding her? I didn't sit beside her at every class. Though I missed her so much. That every time I see her, I would always have this urge to run and hold her in my arms. Until all the pain fades away.

It was Friday lunch. I was somewhat annoyed at Tiana and Bailey who were making love with their eye contact. Tiana told me that they were still not official. She said it was just enough for her to keep Bailey in her arms. They were hiding their relationship from the school but in one glance, it was so obvious that they were humping each other with their lustful stare.

Of course, I was happy for them but deep inside, I felt jealous. I couldn't stand seeing them so in love with each other while I was here, rejected, and got played unexpectedly for the first time.

With a sigh, I averted my eyes from the cute couple but they ended up in Table E7. My body had its own mind and chooses where it wanted to go. Yes, I was ignoring her but it didn't mean I was not looking out for her anymore. Sadly, she was nowhere to be found. Maybe she was with Khloe, being lovey-dovey in their secret haven.

I shook my head, shaking out the vile thoughts from my mind.

"What are you thinking, A?"

However, it would drift back to those questions.

How could my angel love something like that? She was the personification of an imperfect monster. A little dirt in my eyes. She deserved to be called an 'it'.