MONSTER

thoughts.

TW self harm is in this chapter, so read if your comfortable with it.

I stared at the sleeping killer, thinking of so much things. I could jump out of the window and maybe escape, I might run into one of them but just say I'm hunting. I'm not sure what it means but it's probably a usual thing for them, or another solution would to jump and become one with the earth finally like I was supposed to, or I could grab the knife right here and now... Finally finish what is soon to end.

Have I got so deep that I'm thinking of killing myself? I mean I have had these thoughts for so long but... Never carried on with them.

The knife on the desk looked like it wanted me to touch it, starved for attention. Yes... It would be better off that way. I wouldn't have to suffer and Jeff could win whatever game we were playing, I could be with momma and daddy. I could be free.

Out of control I felt my hand reach for the blade, a smile creeping on my face. Feeling the rough handle against my palm brought me into more thought, if my attempt failed I would be made a mockery. Jeff would go on with a lecture on how I can't leave him. But if I went through with it, I could be gone and start over somewhere else not having to go on with this life. Maybe... Just maybe this time I could cheat.

I brought the knife closer to my wrists, I dug the blade deeper and deeper watching the scarlet waters fall down the branch onto the old wood.
Tears falling down the river, running over the scarred and ugly rocks.
The mountain collapsed to the ground, blade falling by her side. Waking the wolf that laid in the mountain beside her, the wolf alarmed and realizing the situation the mountain was in.

The wolf only saw the outline of the mountain, thinking she was doing something and pushed it off and carried on with it's slumber.

But the mountain wasn't crumbling and falling apart on the outside but on the inside of her lava and ice body, the lava escaping from her cuts in her fine rock. The mountain releasing water from her eyes, giving it to the animals below, comforting them only to be left alone with the mountain by her side asleep and having no wonder of her breakdown.

I brought my arm up to my vision, my body was shaking. My vision very dizzy and fuzzy, but only because of the view of the crimson waters. The gashes I inflicted on myself not deep enough to bring me tumbling to the ground.

Wiping the substance away from my wrist stung, but only fed my soul. It was better feeling something more than regret and anger.

I brought myself up, leaning against the desk for support. The weapon of the crime against myself still laying on the wooden floor, and the wolf still sleeping in the mountain beside me.

I walked over to the bed, and crawled under Jeff's arms. Taking in his strong scent, calming my nerves down. I hugged his left arm, laying my cheek against it soaking my tears with it. My vision focused out the window and at the stars layed plastered above us, I wish I could be a star.

So beautiful, bright and have people look up to me.

But who am I kidding?

No one wants to be me.

~next morning~

I felt the weight behind me absent, me being the only object in the bed. Opening my eyes I was met with the bright rays of the sun, it's light laying splattered across the room like a beautiful painting.

I looked over to the ground near the desk of my selfish act that happened last night, but there was no trace of it. Hopefully it never happened... Hopefully Jeff didn't find it.

I sat up on the sheet less bed, the blood rushing down my body from my head. Scanning the room I looked at the clock hanging in the wall, it was only 9:00am.

Then I looked down to my wrist, hoping there was no trace of last night. But then my eyes laid on a neatly wrapped bandage that surrounded on my left arm.
Who did this? Jeff? Fear struck my heart, if he saw this he is going to go off on me.

I bet he's waiting down in the living room to snap at me, just waiting for the perfect moment to strike at his prey.

My hands found themselves running through my hair, then putting my hair up into a bun. I felt like complete shit, maybe because I had bruises and fresh cuts all over my body. I felt weak, mentally anyways.

I pushed myself up off of the bed, walking to the desk and grabbing my f/c sweatshirt sliding it over my head and on to my body, also grabbing my gun and sliding it into my back pocket. then heading to the bedroom door getting ready to face today's troubles.

Making my way down the painted red halls I saw people peeking around corners, some waving to me like they knew I could see them. I felt bad for them, but knew that I would join them one of these days and watch someone replace me as I did them.

Skipping two steps at a time down the stairs a smile spread across my face when I saw Sally sitting in the living room playing with her raggedy Ann dolls, and of course Charlie.

"Good morning, y/n." Sally smiled while greeting me, patting the ground next to her and which where I sat.

I scanned the room seeing BEN working on a hard drive device near the television, and Jeff sitting on the couch with his legs spread open and him slumped on the couch. I didn't directly look at him but I could tell he was staring at me, his dark eyebrows furrowed as if he was solving a math problem. Then I realized he was staring at my wrist causing me to slide my sleeves up.

That continued on with guilt eating me alive, voices telling me that I'm stupid and I'm doing it for attention played in my head.

"Y/n, you can be the h/c Ann because she has the same colored hair as you." Sally said while handing me the h/c doll, with me smiling in response.

Me and Sally spent the whole time playing with the dolls, People making their way in and out of the manner. But the whole time I could feel Jeff's stare burning holes through my back.

"I have to go, me and Stacy play on Fridays so I have to head out." Sally said while standing up, then disappeared in thin air. I just let my eyes stay in the same place Sally once was, no thoughts went through my head just my eyes locked on that one spot.

I suddenly got up, and put the dolls and playset into a old bucket and slid them by the television.
Then walked over to the couch and sat my Jeff, his cold eyes following everywhere I went.

From the corner of my eyes I could see Jeffs right hand travel from his hoodie pocket to my left wrist, fear and anxiety began eating me alive joining with guilt joining the party. Jeff suddenly squeezed my wrist tightly, I jumped and looked at him, his expression showed he was bored and curious. Out of reaction I quickly pulled my arm away and slid it into my pocket, glaring at Jeff but meeting his eyes. Making me look away from him once again.

The direction I was looking was into the kitchen, where the proxies sat looking and talking about stuff on a map, assumingly places they needed to shoot up. Literally.

Feeling someone grab my left hand out of my pocket I quickly cocked my head at my arm seeing who was grabbing it, to no surprise it was Jeff. He pulled up my sleeve which where I went to pull back down he grabbed my right wrist and growled, damn is he a dog or some shit.

He inspected the bandages, lightly pressing down on my wounds making me wince in pain. Once he was done he pulled my sleeve back down, then intertwined his fingers with mine, Holding my hand letting me know it was okay.

Disgust began to fill my body, and I was no where comfortable with this man or these people. Even Sally, she was the only bright soul here but bad energy still reflected off of her. It was like I just woke up out of some fuzzy dream, entering reality once again.

Only to find myself waking up In a nightmare.