The Love Letters (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 37

As we arrive at Leo's home and he opens the door, I grab his face and kiss him again. He gasps, but closes the door immediately and grabs the cheeks of my butt. We make out for a while, and all I can feel are his pretty plump lips against mine. As we start to rub our cock against each others, he pulls away.

"Not... here", he pants, "let's go to my room."

I nod. We quickly take off our shoes while making out, he grabs my arm, and leads me to his room on the first floor.

The first floor...

As we arrive in his room, he tears of his shirt. His smooth skin is covered by a few tattoos. I wonder what they mean. He pushes me towards his bed and I let myself fall on it.

I am thrown on a bed...

Leo leans down to me to unbutton my shirt. He carefully puts it away and starts pulling off my black jeans.

My clothes are taken off.

My hands start to shake, and I don't know why. I try to open Leo's belt to take off his trousers. As I'm done, I throw it to the ground.

"Pretty body, doll", Leo mumbles in between two kisses.

Doll. Porcelain... doll.

What is happening?

"Harry?"

"Y- yeah?"

"Can you blow me?"

I try to swallow, but it feels like I've got a giant clump inside my throat. My heartbeat starts to rise. However, this isn't so because of the excitement, but because of sudden fear. And I don't know where that fear comes from.

"Uhm... yes", I rasp.

He looks worried. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, yes."

"Alright." He lays down on the bed, and lets me do it my way. I immediately go down, take off his boxers. My fingers start to sweat. What's wrong with me? I look up at him, with a waiting look on my face.

"What?", he asks.

"Have you got a... uhm."

"Oh- uhm, yes, I have." He smiles and takes a condoms. "Sorry. Usually, I don't use a condom for blowjobs."

No condoms.

"I also didn't use to... but some diseases can be spread by oral sex, too."

He nods. "You're right, sorry."

"No problem." My tests are all negative, but I don't know him at all...

I grab the condom and put it on his cock. Then I look down on it. And in the next moment, everything comes back. I start to panic and need to gag. I pull away immediately and start crying.

... places himself above my face...

"Woah, Harry?", Leo looks shocked, "Harry, what the fuck is wrong?" He sits up and crawls next to me. "Harry?!"

"Leo... the loo, where is the loo-", I press my hand against my mouth and he understands immediately. He grabs my arms and pulls me towards the bathroom, puts me on my knees, then I puke into the toilet. He looks down at me, visibly confused. "Sh- should I get you something?"

I sniffle. "Some water, plea-" The end of the phrase is cut off by another vomit attack. He nods and leaves the bathroom.

I fucked up. He's probably disgusted now, and, and... I don't know, I feel fucking miserable, I just want to die. Or to fall asleep and never wake up again, which is pretty similar. I start to shake again, and tears are streaming down my face. Why...? Why now? Why do I get reminded of that right now? What have I done wrong?

After a while, Leo comes back. He hands me a glass of water and I take a sip of. Leo stares at me, and he doesn't know what to do.

Twenty minutes later, when I stopped throwing up and calmed down from my break down, I say: "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Leo."

"Oh, well, it's not your fault... I guess...?"

I laugh dryly. "It isn't... but I-"

"You have to explain."

I nod. "Yes. I will." I yawn. "Can I... just stay here for... five minutes?"

"Of course, Harry."

When I wake up, I look around me, confused. What...?

"Hi, Harry." I look towards the voice. A boy... Leo...?

"Leo?"

"You fell asleep."

"Oh- I'm sorry." I look down at myself. I'm wearing a dressing gown. Did he...

"Yeah, I couldn't leave you naked", he says. I smile weakly, but grateful. "Thank you, Leo."

"Yeah..." He's also wearing his own clothes, now. "Explain to me, please."

"Yes." As I think of it, I try not to cry again. "So... a few months ago, I was raped."

His eyes widen and his mouth drops, but he doesn't say anything.

"I haven't done any sexual action since then, this was the first time, and everything reminded me of it."

"Oh my-"

"I know." I sniffle. "You know, I wanted to stay a virgin. I wanted to wait for my prince. He fucking took it away."

"But... didn't you say that you never used condoms for blowjobs, earlier?"

"Yeah, staying a virgin doesn't mean never doing anything sexual. I of course gave and received hand jobs, blow jobs, rim jobs, whatever." I blush. "But... yeah. I guess it overwhelmed me."

"I understand. I think it's completely normal. You haven't progressed it, yet. But that's going to come sooner or later, I promise." He sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders, in a completely platonic, supporting way.

"Thank you." I lean my head on his shoulder. "And... you know, the worst thing is, there's a boy, and I have really deep feelings for him, but I fucked up, and now he hates me. He was there for me when I was raped. He was always there. I am sure if, after what happened earlier, I would have gone home and called him, he would have picked up and been at my house ten minutes later." I sigh. "Now, he doesn't even talk to me."

"Oh, Harry." He pats my cheek. "It is three in the morning, and I guess you have school tomorrow, don't you?"

I nod.

"Should I drive you home?"

I look at him. "That'd- that'd be amazing."

"Alright. Let's get you dressed."

When I get out of his car, my keys in the pocket of my coat, he stops me.

"Wait a moment, Harry."

"Yes?"

"Should I give you my number? So you could text me anytime you want. And if you don't, you don't."

"Oh- yes, of course, thank you." I save his number and smile at him.

"One last advice", he says, "Go talk to your boy. He needs to see how amazing you are. And maybe, he could take your fear of sex away." He smiles.

"Thank you", I say. "Thank you so much."