The Love Letters (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 28

"I can't do this anymore."

I stare at Lucas, completely confused. "Do what?"

"This", he says making wild arm gestures between us.

"Huh?" Is he now breaking up with me before we even start dating?

It's a Friday night, and we're on a date in a little, cosy restaurant. I haven't talked to Louis yet, and this whole week, I haven't got any letter from W, even though I wrote him once, sometimes even twice a day.

I guess they don't need me as much as I need them.

"What do you mean, are you- do you want us to like stop dating?"

"Yes. I can't go on a date with you, be excited to see you, to end up like this."

"What do you mean?"

He sighs. "Harry. For the last, I don't know, four dates, all you talk about is Louis. Louis and his amazing blue eyes, Louis and how short he is, Louis and how much you miss him. I really like you a lot, but I don't want to date someone who's in love with someone else."

"I'm not in lo-"

"You just explained me all the shades of brown in his hair. Harry, you're obsessed with him."

"I'm not!"

"Alright. Deny it if you feel better that way, but I'm not blind nor dumb. I believe in what I see. And I don't see you falling for me. All I can see is you and Louis. But whatever." He grabs his coat. "I really thought that we would match, but I don't want to be the reason you aren't with the person you love. Goodbye, Harry."

I say nothing. I watch him leaving. After five minutes and one beer, I go home, too. Then I start crying. Nobody's here, not even my mum, so I'm completely alone. The thing is, Lucas is not that wrong. I do think a lot about Louis lately. But I am not in love with him.

I wish he hadn't started avoiding me, because that's when I started realising everything. Now all I think about is him, and W, and how much I miss both of them.

With shaking hands, I grab my phone. I open Louis' contact. My finger hovers over the call button. Should I...? Probably not.

But I do it anyway.

Louis accepts the call immediately. "Harry?"

"L-Lou", I sob. I can hear him take a sharp breath.

"Are you crying?"

I nod. Then I remember he can't see me. "Yes..."

"What's wrong?"

"C-can you come over?"

"Of course. I'll be there immediately."

I don't know when, because I lost my sense of time, but a few minutes later, I notice how someone opens my door. I can hear a few steps, then I feel how someone sits down next to me. It's probably Louis. His fingers run through my hair. After a little time, when my breath doesn't go too fast anymore, he says my name. "Harry?"

It is Louis. And god, he sounds so soft and... worried. I don't want him to be worried because of me. I turn on my back to face him. His hand wanders to my right cheek, and wipes the tears away. "Oh Harry, what's wrong?"

His beautiful blue eyes are dark and dull. He looks concerned. I thought he hated me. Why is he like that?

"Lou..."

He lies down next to me. He looks into my eyes, then I put my arms around him and pull him close. He caresses the exposed skin between my jumper and my trousers, and at his touch, my skin burns like fire.

"Thank you", I say.

"Why would you thank me?"

"For being here with me, even though you hate me."

"I don't hate you", he says, "it's the exact opposite." But I don't think I was supposed to hear that part.

"Louis?"

"Hm?"

"The past weeks were terrible."

He sighs. "I know. For me, too." He rubs his tiny nose against mine. "Do you want to tell me what happened today?"

"Lucas ditched me."

"Oh. That's... sad." He doesn't look very sad, though. "Why did he do that? Doesn't he see how amazing you are?"

I blush. "He said..." I don't want to finish the sentence. It's embarrassing.

"What did he say?" He grabs my hand and squeezes it. The pressure feels good; it signals me that he's there. Because right now, he is there for me, and that's everything that matters.

"He says he can't stand me talking about you all the time." I hide my face. I don't want him to see my like that.

"Aw", he says, "You sure that's the only reason? Sounds a bit banal, doesn't it?"

"I don't know, he said I would talk too much about you and about how much I miss you."

"Stop flustering me", he says. Then he lifts my chin. "So Lucas and you aren't dating anymore?"

"No. And I don't know why I'm that sad since I've never felt butterflies."

"Butterflies?"

"When I used to like you, I had them all the time." Then I realise that I've never told him I used to like him before. It's been the first time right now.

Fuck.

"Uhm, Louis, don't you worry, it's over now, yeah? Oh god..." I bury my face in my hands. That shit is so awkward.

"Calm down, Harry, it's cool. You can't control your feelings, right?" He smiles at me. I don't understand him. In one moment, he's angry at me, and in the next one, he's understanding and kind. I don't get the way he functions.

"So, are we like, uhm, friends again?", I ask.

"Yes, we are. If you want to."

"Of course I want to." I'm not going to confront him right now, since I don't want to ruin the moment, but I will do it later. I have to if I want a proper explanation for the past weeks.

"Can you please stay here with me?", I ask. He nods. "As long as you want me to say."

"For... for the night?"

"Oh." He thinks about it. "I have to ask my mum first." He grabs his phone, then he puts it away. "Actually, I don't. I'm a grown-up. I'm twenty and it's my own life."

"Why are you still in school if you're twenty?"

"I had to do a year twice. But next year I'm going to university to study drama."

Oh. "Sounds nice."

"Yeah." He sits up and takes his coat off. "Do you want me to get you something? Water? Something to eat?"

"No, your presence is enough for me."

Louis puts his coat on my desk, then he lies down next to me, again. "Alright, what do you want to do, then?"

"Cuddle with me, please."

He sighs, then he slides closer to me. He reaches for a box of tissues and places it next to me. I put my head on his chest, and he caresses my back.

"Thank you so much, Lou. I lo- I really admire what you do for me."

"No trouble. No matter how you fuck me up, I keep on coming back to you."

What have I done?! I don't get it.

"Thank you."

His other hand wanders to my lips. He touches my upper lip, and I don't know, but the feeling of it is breath-taking. It's such a small thing, but it causes a lot.

And like that, in that position, with our clothes on and without a blanket, we both fall asleep.