One Shots ~ Harry Styles

// Mend my Broken Pieces //

A/N - Users may find this disturbing or emotional or even sentimental. It has issues regarding alcohol. Please bare. 

Enjoy. 

The melody of last night has not yet died away. My skull still hummed its own tune.

The same mistake was made again, a day made forgetful by alcohol. Because I'd rather be drunk and not notice anything than feel this pain.
It really sucks that I have to get drunk to continue to survive. With a puckered face I dig out my cell phone.

It's a stupid idea.
A damn stupid one.
But I can't help it.
My fingers dial his number almost by themselves.

it beeps.
once.
twice.
three times.
four times.

I can still hang up.
but I can't make it.
"Hello?" His voice said. Raspy. He must have been asleep. Immediately, I felt a pang of guilt.

"Hello?" He said, again.

"Hey."

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"What is it?" He continued. 

"I don't know," I said. 

"But you -"

"Called, I know. But I don't even know why." I couldn't think of anything else. 

"Have you been drinking?" He said, slowly. How did he know everything? 

"A lot."

"Why?" He questioned. 

"you're still asking that? Because of our breakup, of course. I'm going to get so drunk today that I won't feel any more pain. I don't care if I end up in a hospital. I really don't care." I said. Each word truthfully.

"Why are you doing this y/n?" He asked, I could tell he was worried. 

"Because I can't do it anymore Harry! Because at least this way it doesn't hurt so much. Because that way it's the only way I can stand it. How many times do I have to get drunk before the missing drowns?" I said. 

"Y/n..." Harry said. 

"I could get drunk morning till night just to get you out of my head for a moment." I continued.

"Y/n...you were on such a good path. You've been sober for so long." Harry said, but it didn't matter much. 

"Well, everything is fleeting and everything breaks down eventually." With these words, I hang up and I feel emptier than before.

***

Another day.

I want to get drunk again.
then I can sit crying in the corner and everyone would think it was the alcohol's fault.
I don't care how bad the idea is, I want to get drunk!

The addiction has total control over me again. It shows me that I am weak,
can't even keep a relationship going.
Why should I be stronger than the addiction? I never was.
Always only for a short moment, and now?

I'm going to get drunk again, the only thing I can do. Simply because I am not able to save myself, and that is a vicious circle from which I will never get out again.

Harry has left me to fight this battle alone.
and I will fail, as I always fail. I am worthless. I am nothing.
The love of my life has left me. If I can't even drink, what can I do?

I got drunk.
I sat there crying and, seeing his chat. The old chats. 
I wanted to write him that I still loved him, but I didn't, why?
Because he doesn't care anyway.
otherwise, he would be here now. Instead, I get drunk again. It's a vicious circle, and I will never get out of here.

I don't have the strength anymore, drinking makes me happy.
Makes me forget, fuck chocolate.
The only thing that really helps against lovesickness is alcohol. Will I write it tomorrow night?
I don't know. Maybe the alcohol will say yes, or maybe it won't.

I can't decide that, only the alcohol can.
speaking of alcohol, I need a new bottle.
it's wrong, I know, but I can't help it.

The next day, I open our chat. I type. Type. And Type. I sent it. 

You : I like your hands and how your veins show on them. How you laugh and I especially like the moments when your age quarters and you're suddenly this little boy. who is insanely happy about the little things in life. then I could always watch you for hours because then you always laugh especially beautiful and your eyes shine so bright. I like it when you give me those little kisses on the shoulder and hold me so tightly that it actually hurts me again.

Sent. Fuck. I already want to undo it. I regret it. But I'm too drunk.
again.
He is online. Harry is online. What if he reads? I hope not. Why did I send it? The alcohol controls me.

Reached for the bottle again. another sip. and another. wash away the embarrassment.
he types.
fuck.

Harry : I like all this too...but it just doesn't work! And you know that. I loved you y/n, like no one else...but some things is just fleeting...

WOW. His answer hurts, so much so that a tear runs down my cheek.
 that one drop falls to the floor and dries up...

I just want to be loved, is that so reprehensible? Isn't that all I deserve? Sobbing I reach for the bottle. Once again drowning my frustration...
I love him so much and apparently, he loves me too. But still, it doesn't work between us.
The universe hates me, as always.

So I'm drinking again. Will I get help soon?
I don't know.

***

I have to swallow, how can this be? An unread message? From him? Is this a dream? With trembling hands, I click on the symbol.

Harry : Baby, we don't work, and we both know it. I heard you're drinking again, please let me help you. I'll come to visit you too, but please...don't slip anymore. I love you

Ouch. If the news could destroy someone, I would be dead right now. It hurts so much. He loves me, and I love him. Yet we can't be together, and he wants me to get help.

Should I? I have no idea, of anything. But for the first time in days, I reach for my water bottle. I was drinking water. 

***

With a deep breath, I stand in front of the building. So I'm going through with it now. With my back stretched out, I walk through the door.

I can do this...I know I can. It's good that I'm here now, and so so reasonable. One last look at the sign. it said, "rehab." It sounds so evil, but it is necessary.

I can do this, for Harry. I have to. This is my last chance.
I love him, and he loves me.
I have to get sober for him, he deserves it.
and when I get out of here
let's see what happens then.
but now it's time to get better.
and that's what I plan to do now.

***

warm summer rays dance across her face.
she closes her eyes with pleasure.
she looks healthy and happy.

a man appears behind her.
puts his hand around her waist.
pulls her into his chest.
kisses her head.
and just loves her.
in love, she just leans back into the embrace.
"I love you harry."
"I love you too."