I'll Always Love You - A Romanogers Fanfic

46

STEVE'S POV

At 2 am I'm still wide awake. Nothing really helps with the guilt I'm feeling.
Sharon is sleeping heavily next to me, and I look at her.

Her sleeping doesn't make me smile like it always did with Nat.
And Nat would often wake up and tell me to stop looking at her sleeping because it grossed her out. But when she didn't notice. That was the moments I cherished the most.

I get out of bed when my thoughts moves to dirtier memories.
I've got to get out and clear my head.

I run until the break of dawn, and when I'm back at the motel I knock on Natasha's door instead of going to my own room.
Why am I doing that?
I try to get away but when her sleepy head pops out of the door I freeze.
"What is it Rogers? I just fell asleep two hours ago" she grumbles.
"I just really want..." I say, but she cuts me off.
"Yeah, sure you do. Stop talking to me until you figure out what to do with the girlfriend I assume is in your bed, and yet here you are talking to your ex. Get a grip" she bites and slam the door in my face.
"I deserved that" I say to myself.
"Yes you did" she says from inside.

———————————————

NATASHA' POV

Fuck me. I wanted to kiss him because I looked at him for twenty seconds. That gotta be some kind of unhealthy record. And he's probably gonna keep the promise of not talking to me because he's such a good, loyal man. With exception of the last week. That's the only thing I've done for him. Turned him into a cheater and a liar and taken his virginity.
I shouldn't even be allowed on the face of the earth.

I put some of my favorite music on and I start twirling around my room in my ex-boyfriends hoodie because it smells like him, mismatched socks and stained sweatpants.
That's how deep I've sunken.
Killer with a heartache. Amazing combo.

After two hours of just dancing around in my small room, I'm exhausted and I go to the bed to lay down, but it knocks on the door.
"I told you, I didn't want to talk to..." I say but I stop talking when I see who's on my doorstep.
"Who do you not want to talk to?" Sharon asks interested.
"You" I say. "What do you want?" I ask her.
"Stay away from my boyfriend. He's getting confused because you're here and-...why are you wearing his zip-up?" She asks angrily.
"Why do you think he's confused? Because he's certain about being with you?" I say, ignoring her question, close the door and lock it.

"Natasha? Open up. Romanoff, what do you mean he's not certain?" She shouts from outside but I ignore her.
"Agent Romanoff, open the door or I will kick it up!" She says dramatically from outside.
"Just do that! You'll pay for the damages!" I shout back to her.
She scoffs loudly and I can hear her stomp away.
Dramatic bitch.

———————————————

STEVE'S POV

Sharon slams the door, waking me up from the nap I took when I got back from my run.
"Do you want to be with Romanoff?" She yells.
"What?" I ask confused.
"Do you want to be with Romanoff?" She asks again, a little calmer this time.
"Why? What? I..." I stammer.
"It's not a hard question honey" she says and shakes her head.
"It is at this hour" I yawn.
"Is it just at this hour, or is it always a hard question because it's Romanoff?" She asks.
"I...erh" I say and then I stop talking.
"Is she that unbelievable in bed?" She asks angrily.
Yes she is, I think to myself. And on the bathroom sink, and in the shower and on the kitchen counter in the common room when no one's there, and the conference room, and the hot tub, the gym after sparring, and maybe accidentally the lab one or two times.
"No" I say and put an end to my listing.
"Then what is it? Is it-..." she says but then stops. "Oh my goodness. You love her don't you!?" She realize.

I don't say anything, I just look down.
"Idiot" she says and slaps me.
"Why am I an idiot for loving someone else in the past?" I ask her loudly.
"Because it's clearly not in the past Steve!" She exclaims and stands up.
"Why do you think that?" I ask quietly, almost therapeutic.
"Because I have eyes in my head! You stare more at that fucking murderer than you look at your girlfriend!" She yells, and I get angry.
"Don't call her a murderer!" I yell and stand up, making myself bigger.
"It's what she is" she says, and I want to punch her. But a gentleman do not punch a lady.
"Stop talking about Natasha like that" I say between my teeth.
"Why are you acting like her boyfriend?" She screams.
"I'm not. I'm acting like a human being. She has done nothing but try to make up for what her past made her do, the least I can do as her friend is support her!" I yell.
"Okay fine" she sighs and sits down with her head in her hands.
I sit down next to her and put a comforting hand on her back, because I don't know what else to do.
"It's fine, we're fine right?" She asks.
"What? Yeah, no sure we are" I say.

She puts her head on my shoulder, and I can't help but think about how I've lied to her. We're not fine. I've kissed someone else. Twice. And more than that. I'm in love with the woman I kissed.