I'll Always Love You - A Romanogers Fanfic

34

STEVE'S POV

I rub my eyes and yawn, before reaching for Natasha, but my fingers fumble after her warmth without finding it.
She's done this the past couple of weeks, since Agent Hill caught us. I wake up and she isn't in the bed next to me. Doesn't matter if it's hers or mine, and I don't know why she does it.

"Natasha?" I say out in the room in a morning voice, and I clear my throat.
There's no response.
"Natasha?" I try again.
I stumble out of bed, still half asleep, and put on some sweatpants and a tank top.

When I enter the common room I see her.
She's leaning over the kitchen counter, eating what looks like a peanut butter sandwich.
"My Love where were you?" I ask her as I go to get something from the fridge.
"In the gym" she mumbles, and keeps looking at her sandwich with an empty look.
"Is something wrong?" I ask her and put my hands around her waist from behind with a small kiss in her hair.

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NATASHA'S POV

Something is wrong.
I haven't told Steve that I was pregnant and the guilt is eating me alive at this point, because I've ignored it since we first got together. Of course he deserves to know, but he's gonna dump me for sure, and I love him too much to let that happen.

"No, nothing is wrong" I lie and lean my head against his shoulder and put my hands on top of his. I usually don't mind lying. But him, I hate lying to him.
"Are you sure? I'd hate to see you upset" he says and buries his nose in my hair.
"No, I'm not sure" I sigh and his face flies up from my hair. It's time to tell him.
"What troubles you?" He asks worried.

I turn around to face him, but I can't get a word out.
"Love, what is it?" He asks and tucks a bit of hair that's in my face behind my ear.
"Before Christmas..." I start, but then I stop talking.
"Yes?" He looks at me concerned.
"I found out...I was pregnant...before Christmas" I say hesitantly.
His face changes the second I finish the sentence.
"Pregnant?" He asks under his breath and put a hand on my belly, but I remove it.
"Was Steve...was. I'm sterilized, but apparently your serum made it possible, it died though" I shrug and try to keep up a facade, but talking about it makes my heart ache.
"What...dea-...dead?" He stammers.
"It's dead" I confirm with a nod and look at him.
"That's what you talked about died when you were drunk?..why didn't you tell me? You kept it for yourself for two months, and you shouldn't have, I would've helped you get through it, you know I would have" He says and caress my cheek.
"I know you would've, but I was embarrassed, I still am" I say.
"Don't be, it's not your fault" he says.
"It's is, and I'm sorry Steve, I'm really sorry. It's just the Red Room, they did this, but it's still mostly my fault-..." I start but he cuts me off.

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STEVE'S POV

I cut her off. She shouldn't have to think about the Red Room. She's barely told me anything, but from what I heard it was terrible.

"You don't have to mention the Red Room, I know that it was horrible for you" I say and pull her in for a hug.
"You should break up with me, you can't have your very first girlfriend being a fucked up brainwashed Russian chick who killed your kid" she says with a bit of a shaky voice and I chuckle.
"I'm not breaking up with you. I wouldn't want any other girlfriend, than my fucked up Russian one who just happened to carry the blob that died - which wasn't her fault" I say.
"It was my fault, but I'm happy you're not breaking up with me, because I wouldn't want the very first relationship with a man I truly love to be anyone else than an old man from World War II, that just said fucked up without acting like the old man he is" she says with a little smile and finally relaxes in my arms.

She was pregnant. And she wanted a child so badly, and she almost had one, we almost had one.
I can't help but feel a little hopeless as I hug her tighter. I want to shield her from all kinds of pain that may come. Because I love her, and I know she'd do it for me too.

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NATASHA'S POV

I feel so lucky right now. I'm in the safe arms of Steve Rogers, and he's not breaking up with me, and he isn't judging me, he just loves me.
I've completely surrendered myself to his love, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I want him now more than ever. Just the thought of him pleasuring me, and me returning the favor gets me extremely excited right now.

"Let's go to my room, before we do anything here that we shouldn't" I smirk at him and I discreetly push my lower body up against his to get him to the same page as me.
"I am very okay with that" he says and looks down.
"I thought you would be" I say and move my hands under his tank top, just above his sweatpants while I kiss his neck just where I know it drives him crazy.
"I think we have to stay in bed for hours afterwards" he says, and moves one hand under my tights, tracing his fingers across the fabric of my panties.
"Because you won't be able to walk, Love" he whispers, making me shiver. He's an old man, except for situations like these, and I love that I'm the one who gets him that way.
"Lead the way soldier" I smirk and he grabs grab my hand, before we walk fast out of the common room.