let it hurt, let it go |Bucky Barnes|

Chapter 16

From more than 8 million people that live in New York, he had to be the one having a date in the exact restaurant that I went to? Can someone explain how is this a coincidence? How on earth do I manage to ALWAYS run into him no matter if it's in my own city or on a freaking other continent ... just ... WHY?!

"Oh no worries I already got your food packed and ready to go. Usual order, right?" said Leah with a big smile after looking at Bucky, a bit confused by his reaction.

"Mhm ..." I mumbled without taking my eyes of him.

Morgan narrowed her eyebrows and looked up at me. "Isn't that your boyfriend?" she asked, not really sure why wasn't I over the moon to see him.

Seriously, this girl had no filter.

Before I could say anything, Leah came back with a paper bag full of delicious food. "There you go." Then she looked at me, at Bucky and back at me. "Do you two know eachother? I feel like I'm missing something ..."

Bucky scratched the back of his head awkwardly as if he was trying to think of what to say. "Uhm ... yeah ... she's ..."

"... a friend from work." I finished his sentence causing him to sigh and shake his head.

Leah looked at Bucky's reaction suspiciously. "Yeah I'm not buying that. C'mon bestie, spill the tea." she said curiously and leaned on the counter with her elbows as she stared at me with raised eyebrows, expecting a true answer.

But honestly, what even was the true answer? What's even the term for a relationship like ours?

"I'm sorry but we really should go. This girl ..." I pointed down at Morgan, "... is up way over her bedtime." I babbled quickly as I walked backwards, opening the door. "And I'm really sorry for interrupting your date." I added, slightly more quietly and looked at Bucky for one last time before closing the door.

"Is he not your boyfriend anymore?" Morgan asked innocently, looking up at me as we walked down the empty street.

"He never was." I mumbled, hurt by my own words.

"Mia! Wait!"

I turned around, only to see Bucky running behind us.

"Shit shit shut walk walk walk." I mumbled quickly as I speed up a little.

"Why? He wants to talk to you!" Morgan protested, refusing to walk no matter how hard I tried to move her. I was right about to just pick her up and carry her damn stubborn ass.

Too late though since Bucky already stopped next to us, gently grabbing my arm to stop me from running away. Once again. My heart stopped as I felt his touch on my skin, giving me literal shivers and also causing me some breathing issues.

"I told you. It's late. She needs to sleep." I said, trying not to show the effect he had on me.

"I know ... but you don't." he responded carefully and took a deep breath. "C'mon my place is just a few blocks away. I really need to talk to you. Please." he literally begged.

I stayed quiet for a few moments, just staring at his sparkly beautiful eyes. How was I supposed to say no to those eyes huh?!

I looked down at Morgan. "Is that okay with you?" I sighed, hoping she would say no. To my misfortune she nodded quickly just as if she was way over excited to go to Bucky's place.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. "Okay sure." I said quietly, which immediately resulted in a big smile forming on his lips.

Before starting to walk he kneeled down next to Morgan and gave her a high five, which made her chuckle. I snorted and once again rolled my eyes. They didn't even know eachother but had eachothers backs like they've been best pals for ages. Not fair.

As we were walking, I mostly tried to focus my eyes on my moving feet but of course every once in a while I couldn't help but glance at Bucky.

When I noticed that Morgan held his hand, I couldn't stop myself from smiling slightly as I could feel my stomach do a flip. You know. The feeling like you have butterflies in your belly or something like that cringy shit.

However, they looked adorable. As Bucky's eyes met mine, I looked away immediately, which probably made it even more obvious that I was looking at them. I'm such an embarrassment for the human race ...

"Here we are." Bucky said and stopped walking as we reached one of the many tall buildings in Brooklyn. He needed a few moments to find the keys but eventually we finally got inside.

As we were walking up the stairs a memory flew through my mind. Years back in Bucharest. Can't say that times were easier back then but not gonna lie, I did have some beautiful memories from that particular time ...

However, I didn't know what to expect. The situation that Bucky was in years ago was a completely different life from what he had now.

As I was lost in my thoughts, he opened the door and let us walk in first. I looked around. This was different. A complete opposite of his flat in Bucharest. I mean, obviously, but it still felt ... strange.

If you told a random person to walk into this apartment, they probably wouldn't be able to tell that anyone even lives in there. Everything was ... empty. In the living room there was a TV and a couch but that was it. Nothing that I saw could actually tell that Bucky treated this place as his home.

"I have a bedroom that I don't actually use so if the little one wants to sleep there ..." Bucky started and awkwardly or even slightly nervously scratched the back of his neck.

"I'm not tired!" Morgan said quickly while trying to cover up her yawn.

I chuckled and shook my head. "Don't even try." I said before picking her up and looked at Bucky, expecting that he will show me the way.

However, his eyes just stayed glazed on me as he was leaning against the wall with one of his shoulders.

I could feel the heat burst in my cheeks as his eyes traveled from mine, way down to my feet and back up.

"The ... uhm ... room bed ... I mean... bedroom... is it where ... damn ..." I stuttered before taking a deep breath to get myself together. "Where is the bedroom?" I asked, this time completely clearly.

"Oh right ..." Bucky shook his head just as if he was trying to wake himself up and walked through the hall, opening another door.

"Thank you." I mumbled, avoiding to look at him and closed the door after me and Morgan walked in. Immediately I put her down on the bed and started walking around the room completely stressed out.

"This is not okay. We shouldn't be here. I should've said no." I kept repeating same thing for a few times while walking up and down the room, shaking my hands just as if it's going to help me release the stress.

Morgan tilted her head slightly and narrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Aunt Emily are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm feeling better then ever." I said sarcastically before letting out something between hysterical cry or laugh ... couldn't really tell.

Then I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down before kneeling down next to the bed where Morgan was sitting and took off her sneakers with unusually shaking hands.

Meanwhile Morgan took off her jacket and put it at the end of the bed. Soon enough she was tied up in a blanket like a tiny buritto, ready to sleep. Even though she didn't admit it, I knew that she was exhausted.

After less then five minutes of me making up a story about a gigantic ferret on a big adventure, she fell asleep.

At the sight of her calm resting face, I couldn't help but smile before pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead and quietly left the room, closing the door as carefully as I could.

Well shit. What was I supposed to do now?

Not gonna lie, I did think of just going back to the bedroom and pretend like I fell asleep too.

But let's be honest, eventually I had to talk to Bucky. As much as I tried to deny it, being away from him and pretending like I didn't care was slowly tearing me apart.