let it hurt, let it go |Bucky Barnes|

Chapter 14

"Bucky?" Steve questioned in confusion before turning around and looked at his direction as well.

Bucky was standing next to Sam, who slightly  pushed him towards my direction with a serious face expression and a drop of disappointment in his eyes while slightly shaking his head.

Bucky glared at him, hesitated for a moment but then walked towards my way. By that I could tell that Sam was the one who made him come.

I took a deep breath as I started walking towards him as well and stopped when he was just a meter away. He didn't stop so soon, obviously wanted to stand closer but I showed him to keep the distance by taking a step back.

My heart skipped a few bits when I saw him from up close for the first time since I got my vision back. I tried really hard not to smile and wrap my arms around him. After a moment of nervously checking him out, down from his head and up from his feet, my eyes locked on his.

As we stared at eachother, I waited for him to say something. After all that happened, it was definitely him that should speak up first, not me.

"... Hey ..." was all that he managed to say, which made me slightly mad.

"Hey? Seriously?" I crossed my arms and shook my head in disbelief. "Where were you? Why, once again, you did this? Why the fuck can't you just be honest and talk to me for once?" I almost yelled the last question, not even trying to hide that I was hurt by his actions.

People around us now noticed that something was going on, causing some of them to even stop talking as they tried to unnoticeably sneak peek towards our direction.

Bucky nervously switched the weight from one foot to another, thinking of what he could say to make me calm down. "I'm sorry Mia I just ..." he let out a deep shaking breath and looked up, away from me.

"Well you better be sorry since once again you screwed up. When I opened my eyes and was finally able to see again, all I wanted was to see you. I wanted you to be the first one that I could see. But you weren't there, even though you said you would be. Fine, I let it go. Then I came home. You said you'd be here early to help me get ready and just ... be here for me. Cause that's all I needed. You. But once again you weren't there. And on the top of all you send your best friend to stand by my side at the hardest moment of my life. I lost my brother for fucks sake and you still decided to do whatever is the best for you!" I spoke loudly and furiously before taking a moment to take a deep breath, hoping it would calm me down.

Bucky kept avoiding to look at me but I could still see that his eyes were teary and full of guilt. He anxiously bit his bottom lip and rubbed his forehead with unusually shaking hand. It seemed like he was about to say something but I interrupted him.

"You know what? Don't say anything at all. Cause then I'll forgive you just like I always do, let you close just so you will be able to hurt me again. And I can't do this, not even for you." I said a little quieter before shaking my head and walked towards the house.

Only now I realised that everyone's conversation stopped and no one even tried to pretend that they weren't fully invested in and curious about the Bemily (btw that's a name, combined by Emily and Bucky, that Shuri came up with ... don't even ask ...) situation.

As I walked up the few stairs, the silence was still present. Standing on the porch, I turned around. "The show's over." I said slightly annoyed by all the stares before turning my back once again and walked inside the house, took off and threw on the side my heel wedges.

Barefoot I walked to the kitchen, opened the freezer and pulled out a full ice cream tub. With way over aggressive gesture, I opened a kitchen drawer, taking out a big spoon and sat on the kitchen counter. Without hesitation  I opened the container and just a second later, a spoon full of ice cream landed in my mouth.