let it hurt, let it go |Bucky Barnes|

Chapter 1

"Okay, very good. Now read the second row from the right to the left side, please."

I sighed and shook my head as I tried to concentrate. "Uhm... P or D and uhm... S? No no wait! It's B." I said and side looked at the nurse who was making me do the eye exam. Third one in two weeks.

Did it make sense? No. Did it show any improvement? No. Did Tony make me go anyway? Yes.

"Was I right?" I asked hopefully even though deep inside I knew that it's gonna be just another failing try.

Six months have passed since the ... you know ...

"We will try again next time." said the nurse and gave me a look of empathy as she took the board for the eye exam before I could see the letters from up close. She always did that so I wouldn't remember them till the next time and tried to trick her.

We scheduled the date for another opthalmologist appointment after I finish with my next rehabilitation therapy at the neurologist.

At this point my vision was much better than the day when ... you know ...

Fuck. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make myself to talk about it. Every morning I woke up with red and dry cheeks since it became a habit to cry in my sleep. Sometimes I even got nightmares about the recording. Always the same ones.

I was locked up in the car with my parents on the day of accident. Not accident. On the day they were murdered.

However, I kept reliving the last moments of their lives just as if I was actually there when it happened. And I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't help them. I could just sit and watch, not even being able to scream. And the worst thing was that every single time I survived.

Tony made me go to therapy but it didn't work out since I didn't talk at all. Literally. I went there four times and for an hour I sat there in silence while the therapist was begging me to say anything. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk, I just couldn't make myself do it.

After I found out that the person I trusted the most was a selfish, arrogant, cruel, lying murderer, I couldn't make myself trust people at all, only Tony, but honestly, never fully.

I walked to the nearest bus station. Because of the poor eyesight I wasn't allowed to drive a car anymore. I wasn't even allowed to ride a bike.

I grabbed some change from my wallet. It took me some time to figure out which coin was which but eventually I was ready to get on the bus. I sat down on the free seat and took a phone from my jacket.

And before you ask, no. This was a new jacket that I got for my 25th birthday from Pepper. It wasn't THE jacket.

Pepper and Tony were off the 'break' as he called it and actually got engaged just a little after making up. But even before that, she called at least once a week, sometimes even dropped by for some tea.

Anyway, I scrolled through contacts and as I found the right name I clicked on it, praying that I actually clicked on the right one, since sometimes my brain decided not to work properly, so the words that I tried to read started shaking or even moving slightly.

Beeeeep. Beeeeep.

"Peter Parker. Please tell me you didn't forget about me." I said as he answered the phone.

"Hey no. Actually I'm in band practice right now so ..." he replied which made me roll my eyes.

"Liar. How dare you mess with a poor almost blind person, in desperate need of help?!" I said way over dramatically and like I was about to cry, which made the old woman that was sitting in front of me turn around.