𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍 ↷ genshin impact x reader [✓]

# "道路ロ地獄" ⤷ scaramouche

❝ if you die without my permission,
i'll end you myself ❞

. selected route ; 道路ロ地獄 (road to hell)

scaramouche / balladeer (kunikuzushi) . wanderer

. scenario - in which scaramouche is an electro catalyst healer who is constantly yelling at you (crack , pre-3.4 update)

. music - primadonna : marina

tw. none

.

"ARE YOU BLIND? OR ARE YOU STUPID?! DO YOU NOT SEE IMMINENT DEATH BEFORE YOU?" Scaramouche hollered at you, waving his catalyst angrily at you. His other hand pointed at the very frightening group of ruin guards that sat menacingly around a cozy fire.

"Scara, I think you're being too cautious. There's just," you paused, taking a glance over at the ruin guards. "There's just, eight of them. We can handle them fine."

"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?! I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE, DID I? I GUESS YOU'RE DEAF AND STUPID!" You winced at his loudness, half expecting the ruin guards from afar to trot on over from Scaramouche's incessant yelling.

"Okay, okay fine." You hissed, pouting at him. "And here I thought we are going to be understanding of one another."

"I am looking out for your well-being. I am not wasting my time saving your ass from some ruin guards that can easily be avoided." Scaramouche scolded, hitting you with his catalyst in irritation.

"Looking out for my well-being, my ass. I need the chaos devices!" You scoffed, rolling your eyes at him.

"We can get them elsewhere!" He retorted, folding his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, but we can get them right there!" You waved your pointed finger at the ruin guards in a huff.

"Don't be stupid. I can't possible keep you alive long enough for you to kill them all!" He scolded once more.

You rolled your eyes at him. "Well, I guess I'm going to have to find Barbara or Xingqiu if you're unwilling to heal me!"

Scaramouche's eyes widened but the shock quickly diminished. "Fine! I'll help you but if you die without my permission, I'll end you myself!"

.

After a grueling battle against eight very upset ruin guards, you finally killed the last one. It falls to the ground, leaving a chaos device behind as a token of victory. Scaramouche walked to your side, huffing in exaggeration and began scolding you for your stupidity once more.

"I told you that was a dumb idea! You nearly died thrice if it wasn't for me, you insolent fool!" There he goes, berating you for being too headstrong and charging into battle without a plan. Though the bit of you almost dying three times wasn't untrue; having to make him use a rather difficult spell to keep you alive.

"Okay! Okay! Geez! I'm sorry, okay?" You apologized, pouting at him. A tinge of blush flushed his complexion but he ignored his flaming cheeks and continued to reprimand you.

"I did not give you permission to die, did I?! You are not allowed to! I forbid it!" A smile crept at the corners of your face as you sat there listening to him. "Furthermore, you are not permitted to leave my sight! Be grateful that I even bothered keeping you alive—"

"Thank you, Scaramouche."

He paused in his hollering, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. You smiled at him innocently, the smile that caused his cheeks to flush a darker shade of red.

"W-What the hell are you smiling at?! I'm berating you! You should be listening!" He bellowed, forcing his eyes shut as he yelled at you. He spun on his heel, huffing in annoyance before you tugged at rope of his stupid hat.

"What?" He glowered in exasperation, unwilling to turn to you.

"You're mad at me..." You pouted, sulking at his reaction.

He huffed, rolling his eyes (though you couldn't see him anyway). "Of course I'm mad at you— you almost died!"

"I promise not to do it again." You mumbled in sincerity before he finally turned around, hands lifting his hat off and placed it against a nearby tree. He threw his arms around your neck, muttering. "If you do it again, I'll end you."

"How reassuring." You replied back, giggling quietly before he playfully flicked your forehead. You winced in pain before he started to chastise you once more.

"BE MORE GRATEFUL THAT I'M
LOOKING AFTER YOU!"

"OKAY! GEEZ! YOU DON'T NEED TO YELL!"

GOOD ENDING

author's note.

bad ending - he lets you die

:') but happy april fools day post <3 i normally do a joke post in which i quit wattpad entirely but that joke is old lmao

thank you for reading! i hope to see you in the next <3 my dearest travelers!

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