Silk and Leather

Part 31: Lysa's painful secret.

It took several days for me getting used to life without Grandpa around, I realized how much of an idiot I was. All that time I spent cooped up in my room barely speaking, eating or sleeping as I'd sit idle in a cold concealed room staring into the abyss. It had become apparent that Lysa played the role of fiancée far better then I was, in exchange for her loving care of my problems it felt like all I've done to repay that is only pile on vast amounts of worry and concern and at that thought it was clear what I had to do in order to settle this.

So on that bright sunny morning supported by moderate amounts of cloud, I headed out on my motorcycle towards the cemetery. Along the way I felt guilty not informing Grandma yet at the same time I was releaved, I honestly didn't know if it would trigger something with Grandpa's passing being fresh on everyone's minds. Lysa was no exception to this either, more often then not she would tell me how he reminded her of elder members of her family and that to me spoke alot even if it was a little uncommon.

What surprised me even more was seeing her standing at the cemetery gates. "Lysa?" Formulated word for she stood head lowered holding a bundle of flowers, upon hearing me call out her name she turned gazed at me smiling, although this one wasn't her usual sort of smile. It carried the feeling of loss and sadness, all this time I thought she wasn't serious about how much Grandpa reminded her of other family members.

"Hi Ash... I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me being here, I should go." Replied to my call, it sounded like she was on verge of tears with her voice sounded dried up and croaking once or twice. As she began to turn away to walk off I placed a hand on her shoulder, the thin material of her shirt made her silky skin emanate through like it wasn't even there at all.

"No... I want you to stay, I was too gutless to attend his funeral." My eyes drifted downwards knowing that regret alone wouldn't simply 'fade away' as time went on, with that notion the two of us entered towards the now infamous Burns family grave.

Seeing not only your elders but those younger then you buried in front of you, it sends a surged feeling of loneliness that is perhaps unmatched to anything in known existence. Even now that personal demon of mine lingered inside my head tormenting with glee at the misery before me, perhaps I made the right call wanting Lysa to stay with me. If anything I lacked in terms of knowledge, being your own worst enemy was an instant notification regardless of your life choices.

"Sleep peacefully Grandpa." Lysa said softly as she knelt down lying the flowers atop his grave sat beside my parents and twin sisters one, unlike their one Grandpa's had a minor mention of his service in the Korean War.

Naturally though he'd of wanted to be buried with his daughter and granddaughters, if anything it meant he wanted to be remembered as a civilian. As Lysa stood up again letting out a minor sniffle, I wrapped my arms around her resting my chin atop her shoulder to let her know things were alright. Fact was it was bizarre that I was his Grandson yet unlike the events of my previous losses, it felt like my heart had strengthened and wasn't hard struck compared to that of his heartbeat going flat.

Yeah.... I began to accept death as a part of life, but I wasn't entirely brick hearted either. I still felt emotion and even the nightmares, whilst having been reduced in amount still cause me to awaken suddenly in a cold sweat.

Lysa meanwhile kept her eyes fixed on not only Grandpa's grave but the rest of my family too, it was the second time she 'met' them per-say. I couldn't even hazard a guess on what was going on inside her train of thought, all I knew for sure was it had something involving me. Makes sense considering the pair of us are engaged and this sort of sight is hard for alot to bare, even troubling in the worst of times.

"Lysa, wait for me by the bike for a moment. I got something to say to the old man." I mentioned toward her, my face clearly felt like I was displaying that look someone gets when they feel it's the right thing to do infused with determination of seeing it through. She simply nodded planting a kiss on my cheek with the same style smile she held when I arrived before making her way over to the parked bike, as the sound of her feet slowly got more and more quiet I turned to face Grandpa's grave.