She is still my sister (Short story)

33 Part Story 100K Reads 3.8K Votes
D.U.R.R.I.Y.A By durriza Completed
What happens when Sarah’s prediction about her sister’s boyfriend comes true? Yes, he is dangerous.
    Marc (Lily’s boyfriend) is a self-centered and cunning vampire. When Sarah finds out about it and tries to convince her sister, Lily won’t believe it at all. One day, while coming back from work Sarah finds her sister not at home. Is this the end of everything? Or with the help of Sarah’s religious boyfriend, Dr. Luis, they will find her again?
Great first chapter ma'm...
                                    It flowed really well!!!
                                    This is my first story of vampire genre and I am really liking it so reading on...:)
Not much of a vampire fan, but putting my bias aside you have a good start, its clear and the set up is easy to follow.
this is really interesting and intriguing... Definitely not something I read all the time, but ..... a possibility... *voted*
Your english is fine and the story good.  Read your comments, some of them are constructive with regard to your grammar and you are obviously an intelligent lady who will analyze and take the best advice.
I'll be honest here... I wasn't too enthusiastic about the first chapter... Not much happened... But that's just me, I guess... But I'm still kinda intrigued about Lilly and Sarah... And that Marc dude, whom I assume to be the vampire... Who knows... I might check up on this later...
i never would have guessed that English was your second language if u didn't say that. your story is amazing!!! i was hooked by your intro. keep up the good work!!!! :)