A/N: This chapter might be a bit triggering for some people so i'd suggest maybe if you are triggered with self harm skiping through it and i'll explain at the end in 'A/N' what happens for you :) if you are having to skip this chapter i hope you get better soon x
INDIE'S POV;
"I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible." ~ John Steinbeck
Phil is the sweetest person I have ever met. He's the funniest person I've ever met and he has a heart the size of the ocean. We strolled down the rainy gloomy London streets turning corners and swerving traffic chatting as if we'd known each other for years. He makes me happy. Not the normal happy. A different sort of happy. A warm, cozy one.
"So, how long have you lived here?" He asked whilst taking the last sip of his drink.
"All my life, I've grown up here, I suppose."
I braced myself for the worst. I don't like to talk about my childhood. Up until 10 I was fine, I didn't understand the world around me. However as I grew older, I began to understand suffering. My brother Kyle was just turning 13 and started to 'go down hill'. And with him I followed. Only because I needed to help him. He's my brother. What was I supposed to do?
"Oh cool, I moved into a flat with my friend, Dan, in 2010, I think it was," he paused for a moment, smiling down to the ground.
"Meet anyone special?" I asked, partly hoping if he did, it was only strong friendship.
His ocean blue eyes flickered up to my deep brown ones.
"Umm, no. Not anyone who really stood out," he began, "only really close friends who are some of the best people ever. You should meet them sometime," he offered, excitement spreading across his face.
"I'd love to!" I replied, grinning madly.
We reached a small park on the outskirts of the shopping center. There was a battered old slide and swing set, with a few benches scattered about.
"How about I give you my number and we can meet another time?" He asked, reaching into his pocket and towering in front of me so we were facing each other.
He was standing so close to me I had to look up slightly to meet his gaze. I could almost feel his warm breath against the top of my head. For a second or two I got lost in his eyes until he glanced back up from his phone. I shuffled back to reach my phone from my bag.
He began to read out the numbers. As he did so, I typed them into the small box on the bright screen. I repeated the numbers so I knew I had the right ones. Every now and then he'd make a tiny 'umhm' sound of reassurance.
"So, I guess I'll see you around then," he smiled, stuffing his phone back into his pocket along with his hands.
"I suppose you'll have to," I teased him.
A small chuckle escaped his lips before he flung his arms from his side and pulled me into a quick hug. I've never felt so safe and secure. I thought my insides had turned to mush and were slowly dribbling down my body. We fitted together like two jigsaw pieces. Like two peas in a pod.
It reminded me of when Kyle let me hold him for the first time.
-FLASHBACK-
I started to pound the door with my fists.
"Kyle, please let me in!" I begged him shouting through the crack in the bathroom door.
His sobs were quiet and soft.
"Please Indigo, leave me alone!" He cried out, causing a eruption of sobs to echo around the house.
"You don't need me in your life! You're better off without me. All I do is drag you down, and I hate seeing you like this. Just go," he begged through tears
"Of course I do Kyle! You're my fucking brother!" My voice raged, beginning to break.
My knuckles were stinging and aching.
A small tear rolled down my cheek. I aggressively wiped it away and continued to pound the door.
It doesn't belong there.
I shouldn't cry.
I need to be strong.
Frantic hyperventilated sobs called out across the dark landing. It scared me.
"Kyle just let me in! I'm your sister!" I sobbed slowly collapsing onto the icy carpet.
I clung onto my brothers crystal white, blood-stained shirt, grasping it tighter with every pain staking breath.
I started to sob. A sob that turned into a cry. A cry that turned into a breathless, painful howl of helplessness. I curled into a ball, tucking my head under my arms to shield myself from all the hatred and heartbreak in this fucked up world. My breathing became rapid and I couldn't control it against the cries leaping from inside me.
Suddenly a pair of warm arms wrapped themselves around my waist pulling me onto their lap. I buried my face into Kyle's stomach. He doesn't need to see me like this; his sister broken, and unable to help herself. I continued to cry. I cried so much I thought I'd run out of tears to shed.
He cradled me in his arms for 15 minutes until I had stopped my whimpers. He tangled his hand into my hair gently running through the knots, soothing every sharp breath. I felt a tear drop drip onto the tip of my head and just as it did Kyle pulled me into his chest, clinging onto me as if I was a lifeline. He buried his head into my hair. His breath warming the crook of my neck.
"I'm so sorry, Kyle," I croaked wrapping my arms around his neck.
This was the first time he had hugged me since I was 6.
I'm 18 now.
I felt his eyes scrunch up tighter and his chest sharply rose then fell back down.
"Don't be sorry," he whimpered silently.
"I don't want to drag you down with me, Indigo," he whispered so quietly I could barely hear him.
"I don't mind," I reassured him.
I untangled myself from him and knelt opposite him. His head hung low whilst his thick messy brown hair covered his eyes. I leaned across and brushed his fringe away to the side of his head. His eyes were red, covered in endless tears smeared down his cheeks.
He couldn't look me in the eye. He avoided my gaze at all costs.
"Kyle," I croaked.
He lifted his heavy eyes to meet mine. Deep green whirlpools swam around the sea of blood.
I carefully edged my hands towards his under turned wrists. Ever so slowly I loosely held onto his arms and brought them towards me. He subtly flinched at my touch. I kept my eyes focused on his arms as I gradually began to turn them over.
Clean, crisp cuts bled non stop at the top of his snow pale arms.
My heart rate sped up at a phenomenal speed. Quivering and choking back the tears, I continued examining the damage. My eyes edged towards the deep red blood smudged around his wrists. It began to trickle down the sides of his wrists from a long slit. I felt it spill onto my fingers.
I didn't mind.
I unhanded his wrists before struggling up off the floor and timidly walking to the bathroom to collect the first aid kit hidden under the sink. Tiny blood drops lay around the grey marble tiles. Bending down, I opened the cupboard, quivering a little as I reached for the royal green box marked with a white '+' on.
I heard shuffling around outside before Kyle appeared, hunched over in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
Rummaging through the box filled with plasters, medical tape, pills and other hospitaly things, I eventually found the bandages I use for when this happens. I took it out of the box and stretched up to place it on the counter. My arm joints ached and felt like a stone statue.
After bandaging Kyle's wrists and arms, I hugged him.
This time he didn't hug back.
It wasn't as warm and comforting as our first hug. It was cold and probably meaningless to him.
Without saying a word, I made my way downstairs to make some coffee. I quickly glanced over my shoulder half way down. I stopped and peered over Kyle. He was broken. There was no other way to put it.
He met my eyes and I gestured for him to follow, sympathetically smiling through the hurt I was trying to hide.
He didn't move.
-FLASHBACK OVER-
Phil gave me that warm safe feeling I got from Kyle. I just didn't understand why.
A/N: Sooo basically Phil and Indie have swapped numbers and they got along really well. Then when they were syaing goodbye Phil hugged Indie and it reminded her of when her suicidal brother, Kyle, hugged her for the first time since he was 'broken'. (it goes into a flashback)
anyway thank y'all for reading this so far :) it means the world x