Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime
-Bette Davis
*******
Hana's Pov
"Taehyung ah, please tell me. Is he eating anything? Is he well?", I asked him and he kept silent, scrolling his phone. I am tired now. I was asking him the same question so many times and he didn't respond for once. I know he is angry at me but I want to know how Jungkook is doing.
"Tae, please", I let out my wail and he looked at me.
"Why Hana? Why are you caring for him now when you left him by himself? Why do you want to know if he is eating or if he is well? You will leave him anyways, so why does it even matter?", he spoke not looking at me. Every word from his mouth felt like a sharp knife in my heart but that is the truth. He is stating the facts.
"I just want to know", I blurted and he let out a chuckle.
"Go to him and ask him yourself if you are bothered so much", he spat at me and my eyes glistened. I want someone to understand me, I am alone in this battle. Please try to understand me too. I am dying too.
"Taehyung, it's just four days from now and I will leave him. For ten days, he has been ignoring me and I couldn't take it anymore. I am not able to sleep properly. I can't get my thoughts off him. I want to know how he is doing Taehyung. Please tell me", I broke down and he held my shoulders.
"Sit down Hana", he made me seated on the couch in his room and I wiped my tears. He got me a glass of water and I gulped it down. Dad wanted me to quit the job the moment I bought my wedding gown along with Baekhyun and his parents.
I tried to convince him that I will do it for some more days but he was adamant about his decision. Instead, he asked me to work at Byun's if I am so interested to work. I couldn't speak anything in front of him.
Jungkook immediately approved my resignation without a word and Mrs. Oh and everyone else bid their byes with love. The Social Media team was the best, they even got me a bouquet in the short period and the PR Team together wished me luck. Even the 11th-floor members bid their farewell to me. I felt so emotional that day.
And since then, Jungkook didn't even spare a glance at me. He completely ignored me and behaved as if I don't exist. I tried to approach him but he locked himself in his room most of the time. I don't know if he ate his meals on time or if he is sleeping well. I am so scared if he is being hard on himself for a mistake he didn't even do.
"Why are you doing this Hana? Why are you killing yourself and killing that poor self too? Why?", he asked holding my hands and I just cried. I know I am doing that Taehyung, but I am helpless.
"I don't have a choice Taehyung. I don't really have one. I wish I could live with him all my life, have kids with him, and have a happy family. I dreamed about them. But I can't do anything now Taehyung ah. I got myself into this mess which I could never clear. I just can't do anything now", I sobbed and he held my hands tighter.
"I will be honest with you. The day Jungkook and you argued, he came crying to me about losing you. You know how vulnerable he becomes when it comes to you. He broke down on that day and I could do nothing to console him. I don't have any valid reason for him to stop crying Hana.", he mouthed and my heart clenched to know that. I am so sorry, Jungkook. I am just so sorry.
"I am sure he is not well, Hana and I don't know if he is eating his meals properly. Eomoni was also worried about him but he just stays silent and doesn't speak anything. He is completely distressed Hana and you very well know the reason", he uttered and I let out my tears.
"I will see him for once", I declared and he nodded.
"I will not be stopping you, Hana. Just don't do anything which would make him further weak", he mouthed and I nodded, getting up.
"Do you remember the time we dated?", he started as I reached the door. I looked at him and he let out a smile.
"You said you don't need anyone to live, Hana. You said no one can break the walls you built for yourself. And see now, you know you can't breathe without the man you love. See your state when you know you are going to lose him. You depend on Jungkook, Hana. Always remember that", he stated and I smiled. You never fail to express your honest thoughts, Taehyung and I am glad you reminded me that. I depend on Jungkook, I know.
#####
"Eomma, this is the right way to flip the pancakes, right?", I asked her and she nodded. I flipped the pancakes and smiled as they turned golden brown. Jungkook loves pancakes, the banana and the caramel ones.
"Are you making them for Jungkook?", she asked and I nodded. I looked at the glass filled with banana milkshake. Yes, I am making it for the kid in the house.
"Why don't you just run away with him?", she asked out of nowhere and I smiled. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing. If I wanted to run away, I could have done that long back. I wouldn't even leave to Sydney if that was the case.
"I never saw him like that. He used to feel sad hurt but now, he looks broken and it is hurting me to see him like that", she expressed and my eyes turned moist. I know that eomma, my heart is in turmoil being the sole reason behind his downhearted self.
"I will go and give him food", I told her and she nodded. I can't speak about that anymore. I am tired, explaining everyone, and fighting myself. I am more worried about Jungkook now.
I knocked on his door and there was no reply. I knocked on his door again and no response. Is he sleeping? But it's too early. I knocked on the door again and this time, I heard his voice.
"Taehyung, please don't disturb me now. I don't want to talk", he spoke from the other side. I didn't respond as I am afraid he wouldn't open the door if he knows that I am the one waiting outside. I knocked on the door again and the knob twisted.
"Taehyun...", his voice stopped after looking at me. As he was about to close the door, I put my leg in between the door and the wall.
"Jungkook, please", I begged him with pleading eyes and he let out a sigh releasing his hold on the door. I smiled and let myself in placing the tray in my hand on the table near his bed.
"I don't want to eat anything. And I didn't ask you to bring anything to me. Now, you are not even my personal assistant, so you don't need to do any kind of service to me", he spat at me and I nodded.
"I know I am not and I don't need to. But I got them for you because I wanted to", I told him and his expression was neutral.
"It's okay. You don't need to trouble yourself, Miss Do. I don't want to get used to this kind of service. I am afraid I will miss it after your wedding", he spoke and I just smiled, painfully though. He has the best replies, not giving me a chance to speak back.
"Jungkook", I placed my hand on his shoulder and he stepped back.
"Please don't give me those feelings, Hana. I am trying my level best. Please don't care for me", he spoke and I didn't fail to notice the tears in his eyes.
"Please eat Jungkook, you can't stay like this for days. I don't want you to suffer because of me", I told him placing my hand on his shoulder and this time, he didn't shove it away.
"Do you think I would stop suffering if you say so or if you get me some food? It's my decision to suffer, Hana and I am pretty well excelling in that. I couldn't do anything to convince you to get back to me so I'd rather choose to suffer and please don't involve in this decision too", he spoke as tears rolled down his eyes and I rushed to hug him.
"Please Jungkook. Please. I am not able to see you like this. I know I am a bitch. I am bitch for leaving you like this for my worthless selfish decisions and I am sorry I couldn't do anything but let you suffer. I am sorry for igniting the flames of love and hope when I know, in the end, I would just blow them off", I spoke hugging him tight and he reciprocated without hesitation, snuggling into my neck, soaking my shoulders with his tears.
Love is a blackhole which has no escape, the more we feel, the deeper we get into it. The painful part is that it doesn't have an escape, though it's breathtakingly beautiful beyond the shadow of a doubt.
And life, it's a track with infinite hurdles and I am stuck at one, unable to reach its height. To add the pain, I stopped him along the track too. He could easily go ahead leaving me but he chose not to, making my soul drown in guilt.
I was wrong, I left him for my own self but what did he do to face this? Why couldn't he move on from me, a pathetic wench who is ruining his peace and happiness? Seeing him so vulnerable is stinging my heart. All the way down to my core, I can't take this anymore.
"I love you so much Hana, please don't go from me. Please marry me, Hana, we will live happily. We can have beautiful kids just like you and live along with Jin hyung and Yoongi hyung. All of us will be happy, Hana", he spoke weakly holding my hands as soon as we pulled out.
"I am so sorry Jungkook", I could just blurt those words and he looked at the ground in disappointment. Why am I such a failure in love?
I made him seated and wiped his tears with my hands. The only that is keeping me sane even after seeing him so fragile is the blood flowing through my veins. The pain keeps me going down and down creating a huge hole in my heart that couldn't be filled with anything except his galvanizing love.
"Will you feed me, Hana?", he asked with his doe eyes and I nodded vigorously. My heart shattered into pieces seeing his doe eyes yearning for love. How I wish I could give him what he wants? How I wish I could give him myself?
I took the small pieces of pancakes and fed him. He ate it like a kid being fed by a mother. I remember him telling me that he never felt offended when I used to call him a kid because he wants a mother and that I resemble one. I feel ashamed as I couldn't be anything but just a pain in the neck for him.
"I will miss this so much, darling", he spoke and I nodding letting out my tears. He wiped them and caressed my cheeks.
"You know how much I hate tears on your face. Please don't cry", he spoke and I immediately wiped the tears with one hand. I will do whatever he wants, at least for today.
I fed him the pancakes and he ate them without any complaining or hesitation. He even drank the milkshake and I smiled at that. I am gonna miss him so much that I am scared if I would even have a scope of the ability to breathe.
He completed and handed me the glass wiping the milk above his lips. I looked into his eyes which were gazing straight into mine. The pain, the hurt, and the loss of hope, our eyes are speaking to each and I couldn't control now.
I leaned in and pressed my lips and he didn't waste a second in gripping my waist. He held me like he wouldn't let me go and I pressed in more, invading his mouth and pouring out my emotions. The air around is filled with the scent of our mixed breaths making the silence speak louder than the hurricane of emotions swirling inside our minds.
We are two in one soul and could never be detached. To love him more than anything is not anything difficult. I admit I can't imagine my life without him but right now, I can't image my life with him. I want to pack all the pieces of my heart, gathered in a pile, and wrap them tenderly placing them next to his distant smile.
"I love you so much, Jungkook and I am sorry for making your life miserable", I spoke taking deep breaths in between as we pulled out. Our faces are moist with the tears we shared in the pain of agony.
"Hana, You can't live forever with me. I understand but could you do a favor to me", he asked in his broken voice and I nodded. I will do anything for him.
"Can I make love to you?", he asked and I let out my tears.
"Jungkook", I called him and he looked at me with his love-filled eyes.
"I am yours, to begin with"
#####
"Our marriage is the day after tomorrow. Are you nervous?", Baekhyun asked and I shook my head, faking a smile. He held my hands and squeezed them.
"Don't lie to me. I am your friend after all", he spoke and I nodded.
"I wish I could tell you that I don't want to marry you but my father won't believe me. I never got a girl to my house and he would hit me with his shoes if I lie to him", he mouthed and I nodded understandingly. Baekhyun and his father are very close and I know it would be impossible for him to lie. And he can't say that I am not interested either.
"You still have time Hana, you can say no to this marriage", he spoke and I shook my head.
"The wedding hall is booked, the guests are invited and we already bought a wedding gown. You want me to back off now?", I asked him and he looked at me weirdly,
"Do you care about them more than your happiness? The wedding hall, the guests, and the gown? Do they determine your happiness? This is life, Hana and marriage is the most important decision, you are playing with fire", he spoke and I smiled.
"I blew off the fire already Baekhyun, it's all cold now. Just cold and dark", I got up from the place and he looked at me, confused. The words don't make sense right? So, does my life. He got up and we walked out of the café.
"Give me a sec", he spoke, answering a call and I nodded.
"Shit", he cursed and I looked at him, wondering if there is an emergency.
"Hana, I've got an emergency in the hospital and I need to go urgently. Will you take a cab and go home safely?", he asked and I nodded.
"Don't worry, I can manage myself. ", I told him and he smiled.
"I am sorry and don't forget to message me when you reach home", he mouthed and I nodded smiling. I looked around for cabs and as I walked ahead, I bumped someone. I was about to apologize and it is him.
"Jungkook", I called him and he looked at me with a blank expression. He grabbed my hand and I widened my eyes at his sudden gesture.
"What are you doing, Jungkook?", I asked as he started pulling me towards his car.
"You are coming with me, Hana"
*****
*******
Author's note:
Hola peeps!! I am back with the next part. Hope you like it!!!
If you have any queries or suggestions, please do ask me. I would be glad to answer. Your support is always my motivation.
*DON'T FORGET TO VOTE, COMMENT AND FOLLOW*
Thanking you all for reading my ff
Love you
Saranghae.