It's been four years since he passed away. I still can't believe I lost him. I managed to reach a good place in my life. Death and heights no longer scare me. But it still feels like a part of me left with him. I'm sitting by his grave holding a photo of the two of us as tears roll down my eyes. I tell myself it's okay to think of that day. And it felt like I opened a damn and events of that day came flooding in.
"Come on Lee, it'll be fun." Harry screamed over the howling wind. He was so fun of life and so carefree I looked at him and smiled as I hugged my sweater tighter around me. It was cold and the wind was wreaking havoc. I roll my eyes and shake my head at him. This was our spot, at the edge of the cliff. We used to say our relationship was like this. It could go either way. We both loved living at the edge of life on the dangerous path where there was no certainty in our lives.
We both sat and the edge looking down at the forest. It was so beautiful to look at it from above, everything was so small. It felt like nothing could touch me. Harry passed a packet of cheese puffs. I took it from him and stuffed my mouth with it. Cheese is an amazing thing. It's something God sent from above as a blessing to this Earth. How can something be so beautiful? Suddenly the Earth began to shake. An earthquake? I thought and grabbed Harry's hand. But it wasn't the earth it was the piece of wood we were sitting on that was shaking. Harry was having yet another attack. Harry's had seizures as a kid. Shocked I ran to get my phone which was in my bicycle. I dialed his parents number and turned around to look at him and he was not there.
"Malia? Hi. What's up?" The casual sound of his father's voice floated through the phone. I stood there in shock not knowing what to think. I go over to the edge of the cliff and look down and see nothing.
"Harry!" I scream, at the top of my lungs. I don't hear anything. I can hear his dad start to panic and ask me where I am. I tell him where I was but it doesn't register. I sit there in shock. A while later his parents, mine and a few cops show up. I was taken home and over the next couple of days I barely exist not knowing what to feel or how to behave. Shane was with me taking care of my every need.
Four days passed and there was still no news as to where he was. People were searching everywhere in the forest. No one found anything.
A month passed by and we heard nothing. Everyone had given up hope. I didn't know anything. I couldn't even cry because I didn't know what became of him. His parents held a wake and I was asked to speak. I walked up to the podium stared at the crowd but nothing came out. I was taken to a series of psychologists over the next few months.
After hearing nothing about him his parents decided to bury him. What were they burying you ask. We were all asked to come and drop something that reminded us of him into a casket. They buried that but I still couldn't register his death. My brain refused to accept it. I lived an entire year like a zombie merely existing not living. One day I saw the state my family was in because of me and decided that no matter how much I didn't want to live I would live and be happy for them. And that's what I did.
I smiled and placed our photo on his grave and I hoped he'd show up from somewhere, dead or alive and we'd all get the closure we deserve. I wipe my tears away and walk to the car. Ryan was waiting for me, with Shane, Naina, Ashton and Kiara at the back. I smile at them and get into the car. Is it wrong for a part of me to hope he'd turn up someday and smile that goofy smile at us?