Songs Of Inspiration:
The Hanging Tree - featuring Jennifer Lawrence (just because I think this is a pretty cool song lol )
Stand Up - One Direction
Say Something - A Great Big World
Gotta Get Out - 5 Seconds of Summer
Half a Heart - One Direction
Everything I Didn't Say - One Direction
The Only Reason - 5 Seconds of Summer
Allyson's POV
My eyelids flutter open, and a small smile creaks up onto my face. I giggle for a few seconds, and roll over in bed to spot the brilliant gray eyes that make mine absolutely boring.
"Good morning," Kevin's groggy voice tells me. It's so raspy, I just adore it.
"Good morning," I respond, unable to control my giddy smiling.
I play with the hem of the covers, pulling it up to cover myself. It's rather chilly in this apartment during the winter due to our lack of money to pay for nice heating. But, what are you gonna do? I'd rather spend the money on food than electricity bills.
"You look extra beautiful when you wake up," he tells me, his voice deep and husky.
I don't respond, I only bring up the sheets over my head to hide the blushing of my cheeks.
My phone starts vibrating on my bed stand and I groan, before pulling myself out of bed to answer it. I sit up on the edge and slide the bar to answer without even checking the name, already knowing that Morgan is making her daily call to ask me to put the hot water on for coffee.
"I'll put it on in a second," I say into the phone before she can order me.
"Put what on?" a voice says back and I pull the phone away to check who the caller is, but it's a number I do not have in my contacts.
"Who is this? I think you have the wrong number," I say, turning back to Kevin whose eyebrows are knit together, but he smiles at me and I give him one back.
"You-you don't know who this is?"
It takes me roughly a half of a millisecond to notice the Irish accent in between these few words, and sends me onto my feet in just over that time.
"I...Why are you calling me now? Why now?" I pace back and forth in my bedroom while grabbing a fistful of hair.
"I think we should talk," he says so simply, so easily.
"It took you this long? This long to decide we have to talk?" I snap, my anger boiling over each second that passes.
"Yes," he answers.
"You are pathetic. You are an inconsiderate, ruthless, thoughtless, insensitive, complete asshole."
I hear his slow breathing through the speaker of the phone.
"I know," he says, so quietly.
"And...and, you're selfish. You are so rude and tactless! Oh you're so tactless I can't even stand it," I throw my arms up in the air to release some of the energy over taking me.
"I know," he repeats his words.
"And...and..."
I growl into the phone and stomp my foot on the ground, beyond angry. I could kill someone at this point. Well, maybe not, but it is extreme.
I don't even hear Kevin get up from bed until I feel his soft hands around my waist and on my shoulders. It takes everything in me to pull them off, and turn to face him instead.
"Not now, I'll be with you in a second," I tell him, quieter so hopefully Niall cannot hear my words.
"Okay, is everything okay?" Kevin asks me.
"Who the hell is that?" Niall's voice in no longer soft and sad, he asks this question with a much deeper voice.
"None of your business, don't even think for a second I'm going to tell you anything about me anymore. I barely want to speak to you right now let alone give you the pleasure of an insight on my personal life, one you are no longer a part of," I answer, but I do not receive the feeling of satisfaction I thought I would gain from telling him off. If anything, it only makes me upset. And it really bothers me that he still has an effect on me.
"Al..." he sighs into the phone.
"My name is Allyson," I tell him, and hear a soft whimper on the other end.
I open the door to leave my bedroom, and quickly walk down the stairs and out the front door. I need fresh air to finish this conversation.
Neither of us speak, and I would think he ended the phone call if I couldn't hear his slow, rigid breathing in the background with the phone still pressed against my ear.
"Why...why did you wait this long to call me?" my voice sounds like a squeak when I ask this question, and I want to punch myself for it.
"I...I don't know," he replies.
"Bull shit. You can't just wait this long...how long has it been? Two months Niall? Two months of fucking nothing. No communication what so ever. I could've fallen off a cliff for all you knew. And you didn't even have the decency to settle this in person? You thought you could just ring me up and everything would be all better?" I scoff, taking a seat on the cold stone staircase.
"So that's what I should've done? Just flown out to Boston and meet you in person? Like that would've ended well, 'cause it did so well last time I did that,"
He does have a good point, but I refuse to admit to that.
"I miss you," his voice is as silent as a mouse, hurt and fragile.
"Don't say that," I place my forehead in my palm, shaking it back and forth.
"I miss you, Allyson, there hasn't gone a day where-"
"Shut up! Shut up right now, don't you dare even say things like that!" I yell into the phone, squeezing my eyes shut.
"But it's true."
"No...no it's not. Because if it was, and you actually cared about me, you wouldn't have said those things,"
I don't even realize the tears silently, slowly rolling down my pink cheeks.
"I didn't mean any of them, you have to believe me," he pleads.
"No. No...I won't believe you. Because you don't even know what you put me through after that day! For days, weeks, a whole month I was nothing but a sob story! Niall, you put me through a living hell, I thought I was going to die because it hurt so bad. I didn't eat, I didn't talk...and it was all because of you," my voice is broken, revealing my true emotions at last.
"I was sad too,"
"Oh get the fuck over it. I don't want you in my life anymore Niall, I don't want you to have me so vulnerable to be broken so fast. I can't do this anymore. I can't have you coming back and forth in and out of my life just so you can fuck me over again. Not anymore."
I clutch my stomach that has tensed up, trying to hold back the tears as much as I possibly can. I barely even feel the freezing air against me, even though I am only in a tee shirt and some light pajama pants.
"I will always love you, no matter what you say. I know I'm an idiot, but you have to give me another chance," his voice is no longer hiding all of the pleas, he is plain and clear with his goal.
"If that's what you called me for, you might as well hang up now,"
My heart aches as the words come out, but I have to get this over with. I need the closure, I need to know that we are both on the same page. So I can stop wondering what could have been, and what could've have.
"I hope you change your mind someday. You know how to reach me. Please think about it, I don't want you...I need you,"
"Goodbye Niall," I sharply intake a last breath of air.
He sighs before responding, "Goodbye Allyson."
I wait for the call to die before releasing the breath I was holding.
I keep my cell phone clutched in my hand and against my chest as I let the salty wetness cover my face, and the last of the tears pour out of my eyes.
The road is silent, but I can still hear the buzz of the city life not far away, as I stare out into the nothingness in front of me. It's peaceful, really.
My hand involuntarily makes it's way to the necklace tied around my neck, the same one I never took off. My thumb slowly wipes back and forth on the charm, examining each crevice and engravment on it.
The front door behind me creaks open, but I don't turn around as Kevin approaches and takes a seat beside me.
He doesn't say anything, and doesn't even look at me, but stares at the same area of nothingness my eyes are locked on.
"I'm an idiot," I say, and shove my wet, tear stained face in my frozen hands again.
"Don't say that," he says, and rubs my back slowly in a way to calm me down. I think back to when Jordan did the same gesture, when I was so upset. I guess it's a sign of affection that real, true men use to cheer up girls they truly care about.
Unfortunately, the blonde boy I once fell for wouldn't know that, nor did he ever truly care about me.
"The best of people get hurt, it's not fair, but that's just how it is. It's an awful reality, life is. But it's true," his voice is sincere, but I'm just not in the mood, to be completely honest.
"I don't deserve you," I tell him, not looking up.
"Shh," he tries to settle me. I remove my face from my hands, and look up at his silver grey eyes.
"I don't, I'm serious. You deserve someone who's going to really, really like you. Maybe even love you. And...I can't give you that,"
That's one thing he does deserve, to know the truth.
"Let's just sit and think, you don't have to talk,"
"Yes, I do, because you have to know this now, before anything else happens,"
Why won't he listen to me?
"Okay," he sighs.
"Okay?" I ask, confused as to what he's trying to say.
"Yes, it's okay. Everything's okay. You worry too much. Just lighten up and take everyday is it comes, stop worrying about the future ahead of us, it's pretty bright from what I can see,"
The tone of his voice speaks earnesty, but my own intelligence knows the truth is quite the opposite.
The only thing ahead of me is a dark vacancy, and there's no point of dragging him through it with me.