Beck| 23:49:
Are you guys making sweet precious love yet?
I burst out laughing as I sent him a voice note explaining that I was sleeping alone because Normani's parents insisted. I went on twitter and scrolled through a few hashtags before finally deciding that I was tired enough to sleep.
I was starting to doze off when I heard a knock on the glass doors that led out onto the balcony. It's just the wind and some branches.
I heard the knock a second time around; I felt my heart start to beat faster as the logical side of my brain reminded me that it was completely still outside and the one tree that was close enough to the house wasn't anywhere near the room I was sleeping in.
Don't go and check... this house might be haunted... this is how white people die in horror movies. I stood and picked up the lamp on the bedside table as I tiptoed over to the door. Fuck what if it's Normani's great grandma? Maybe she didn't send lightning because she wanted to off you herself.
I pulled back the curtains and raised the lamp above my head. Normani stood on the balcony, shivering and looking completely unimpressed. She gestured to the door and I unlocked it.
"What took you so long? It's fucking cold out here!"
"Why would you come through the fucking balcony and not the door like a normal person?"
"Because there's creaky floorboards and I know my mom is waiting to hear one them! Why are you holding a fucking lamp?"
I put it down and threw my hands in the air. "I thought you were your great grandma coming to kill me. Shit, at least send a text next time."
"What?" Normani frowned. "Why would I— never mind. I came here because it's weird sleeping in a different room when I know that you're literally in the next one."
"But your parents—"
"–I just want fall asleep with my girlfriend in my arms, I'll set an alarm and sneak back out in the morning. Can we get into bed? I'm cold because some asshole decided she'd attack a suspected poltergeist with a lamp."
"That's what you get for sneaking around in skimpy pajamas."
Normani flipped me off as she got into bed. "What the fuck is a lamp going to do against a ghost? Also my Mamoo was the fucking sweetest. Savage but sweet. The embodiment of a Southern Belle."
"If you're just going to keep making fun of me, I don't want you here."
"Fine, I'll go back."
I moved to block her path. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Back to my room because you don't want me here."
"Yeah but I didn't say leave."
A crease formed in her brow. "It's way too late for this. Either get into bed or let me go back to my room. We can have this fight or whatever in the morning."
"Fine, but I'm getting into bed because I want to get into bed, not because you told me to."
Normani insisted on facing me when we got under the covers. She shivered for a little while, but thanks to the electric blanket, her body soon warmed up and and she struggled to stay awake as she lay facing me.
"Are you sleeping?"
Her eyes fluttered open, "No I'm still up, what were we talking about?"
"How amazing I am."
"You are pretty amazing," she smiled tiredly. "I've always been a fuck up, in one way or another. Except academically and professionally, you can't touch me there. And the only thing I've ever really had going for me is my career."
"Mani that's not true—"
"–just let me finish... I always thought that I became this way because of Eli, but I was already this way before him. Ever since I was a kid, I've been building walls and keeping people out. At one point I thought that I was focusing on my career, another time, I was protecting myself. But I think I was really just lonely. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad I have you, and now I've got this amazing relationship and my career and it's really nice..."
I leaned in, hesitating a little before I kissed her. "I love you," I whispered against her lips. She pulled away, and despite the darkness concealing whatever thoughts were showing in her expression, I could tell that she had no idea what to say. "Don't feel pressured to say it until you feel that way and you're ready to tell me. Let's get some sleep."
"But—"
"–you can barely keep your eyes open Normani, sleep."
I had known when she said she was setting an alarm that she would either switch it off and go back to sleep or she wouldn't hear it at all. It wasn't until the sun was up and Andrea was knocking on the door in the morning that either of us woke up.
I sat bolt upright and I felt bad for a moment for having to be the one to wake her up. Normani groaned, pushed my hands away and turned to face the other way.
"Normani your mother's at the door!" I whisper yelled. She sat up, but still looked dazed and a little confused. "The balcony! Uh just one second Mrs. H— Andrea. Normani go."
I pushed her out of the balcony door and I had just shut the curtains when Andrea walked into the room. "Morning Dinah. Did you sleep okay?"
"Morning Andrea, yes I did thank you. Did you sleep well?"
"I did, then again I always do when I sleep beside my husband. Sleeping next to a partner is always better isn't it?"
"I-I suppose so."
"My daughter isn't in her room, have you seen her this morning?"
"I have," I said, opting to tell the truth without revealing too much. "She might have gone for a walk?"
Andrea sat down on the edge of my bed. "So how are things going? Professionally and romantically?"
"Professionally everything is honestly amazing. I feel like I'm finally starting to head towards where I want to be in my career. And romantically, I think Mani and I are starting to find our balance."
"You love my daughter don't you?"
"I do... I actually told her this morning when I saw her," I said, catching myself before I revealed that Normani had spent the night with me.
A crease formed in the older woman's brow as she studied me. "And she didn't say it back?"
"No, I told her not to say it until she felt that way about me and was ready to tell me." I stared down at my hands before speaking again. "You know a few people seem to think I feel more for her than she does for me and that I should be careful."
"My daughter has always been so guarded, and she doesn't really talk about stuff like that with me anymore, or anyone really, except maybe Choie and Miche. A lot of people mistake her caution for a lack of feeling but that couldn't be further from the truth. Normani feels as fiercely and as intensely as anyone else. She's just better at hiding it than the rest of us. Just be patient with her."
"I will, thank you Andrea."
Andrea smiled, "you're welcome. I'll leave you to get ready."
"Thank you for having me here."
"It's a pleasure."
As soon as she was gone, I went to the balcony, but Normani was long gone. I only saw her when I was done showering and getting dressed downstairs. She was in the kitchen, making breakfast with Derrick.
"Morning Mr. Ham— Derrick," I said with a smile.
"Morning Dinah, did you sleep well?"
"I did thank you, did you?"
He smiled. "Has my daughter cooked for you yet? You're in for a treat if she hasn't."
"She has, honestly Mani being able to cook feels like the biggest uno reverse card of the year."
"Dinah I'm from the south, that gives me an automatic advantage."
"Beyoncé's from the south too... so that's not saying much."
Normani laughed, "Mamoo clowned one of my aunts for not being able to cook until she learned and I decided that would not be my future. Dinah can you please start rounding everyone up for breakfast?"
"Of course."
The house seemed bigger, now that I was wandering around on my own. I accidentally wandered into the library and I forgot what I was supposed to be doing when I saw the pictures on the wall. I moved closer to it when I realized that it was pictures from their annual family reunion.
My eyes searched, but I couldn't find her in some of the pictures.
"Those ones are from the house in Nola," Mike said as he walked into the room. "Mani said you probably got lost?"
"Oh yeah," I rubbed the back of my neck self consciously. "I saw the pictures and I kind of got distracted. How come Mani isn't in these ones?"
"Oh she wasn't there that year. It was after her graduation when she took the job at Harper's Bazaar."
Realization dawned on me as I turned back to the pictures. "I see..."
"Anyway, I was supposed to come and find you."
"Oh yeah, we should probably head back."
Everyone was already seated when we got to the kitchen. I was about sit down beside Normani when she stopped me so she could pull my stool closer to hers. "Now you can sit."
"Remember when you used to do that for me?"
"Because y'all were up to no good underneath that damn table that's why."
Normani choked on the sip of water that she had been taking. "Okay sex talk is off limits."
"Are you two going to do anything today? Because if not, we were planning on going out for a walk?"
"Oh I'm taking Dinah to my spot."
"Are you guys hiking there?"
"It's a bit too far for a winter hike. We'll probably just take the bikes."
"Alright be safe, there's still snow out and I don't want anything happening to either of you." Andrea looked up at me. "You know you should come here in the summer, it's a lot nicer, and there's more to do."
Normani smiled as she stared at her food. "Maybe we'll come back..."
After breakfast, Andrea insisted she'd clean up so we could head out and not stay out too late. Normani and I walked over to a building that I had initially thought was one of the guest houses. It turned out to be a garage with bikes and boats.
"Have you ever ridden before?"
I shook my head. "Do we have time for a quick lesson?"
"Not when there's a layer of ice and snow. We'll just take one bike."
I stood back and watched her check the bike over before she was finally satisfied. She handed me a helmet and after finding a comfortable position for both of us, we set off. Despite her assurances that I was safe, my grip on her waist tightened whenever I felt the bike pick up speed and with every turn turn that we made.
Just when it felt like we had been driving through the forest for a really long time, I noticed a clearing in the trees. Normani stopped the bike just a few meters before the clearing.
She helped me off the bike and took my helmet for me. After regaining our balance, we walked towards it, both of us covering our eyes when the slightly too bright light hit us. My eyes adjusted after a moment and I took in the view.
"This is one of my favourite places. I love the view, the quiet, plus there's no reception here. So I can just be alone for a while."
"It's beautiful, this view is incredible."
She took my hand in hers, "come on."
"Why are we walking towards the cliff edge?"
"Hansen come on."
I planted my feet and shook my head. "I was taught to walk away from dangerous places."
"You made me jump out of a plane but you're scared of a cliff edge?"
"That was a very safe and controlled environment. One wrong step here and we either end up on the reboot of I Survived... or we die. I don't want to do either of those."
Normani pulled me closer to her, "babe, trust me. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you okay?"
"Mani..." I protested as I let her pull me towards the edge.
"Just close your eyes and listen, breathe, feel me standing here with you, keeping you safe. Unless a bear shows up, I'm high tailing it the fuck out of here."
I opened my eyes, "are there bears—"
"–there aren't, I was just messing with you. Now close your eyes babe." She pressed her forehead against mine and closed her eyes. I eventually followed suit, and for a while, instead of being soothed, my senses became heightened as though I was were prey desperately searching for a predator.
And then I heard it, the sound of the slightly chilling breeze moving through the evergreens that surrounded us. I heard water and I felt the slight warmth of the pale winter sunlight that managed to find a path through the trees. I could hear the beating of my heart and I could feel Normani in my arms, holding me and keeping me safe like she had promised.
Gradually, the death grip that I had on her jacket loosened as I "let go". I didn't open my eyes until she moved. She was watching me, an unfathomable look in her eyes as the tiniest of smiles played on the corners of her lips.
"I come here all the time when I'm feeling off or lost or when I just want to be alone. It's even more beautiful in the summer time."
"So your mom wasn't just saying that to try and get me to come to the family reunion?"
"Oh no she definitely wants you to come to the family reunion, but she also was telling the truth. This place is very pretty in summer."
"It's pretty now. And this view... can we move back from the edge though?" Normani laughed as we went to sit on a rock. "So how come you weren't in some of the reunion pictures?"
She scoffed, "I don't even know why they call it a reunion. We see each other every year during the holidays, during summer, and during big family events if there are any. We're a close bunch..."
"You're changing the subject."
"I don't know, I guess I felt like they didn't approve of my choices. But it's all in the past now." She stood after a few moments. "Okay I'm cold let's head back."
When we got back to the house, Normani raided the kitchen and took me to a tree house on the other side of the garage that we had gotten the bike from. I was pleasantly surprised when we got inside, and there was a heater inside. Normani laid out a picnic blanket with all our snacks on it, and we each sat on a bean bag while we ate.
"Would you be mad at me if I left La Sienne?"
I looked up from my phone where I had been editing one of the pictures of her that I had just taken. "Why would I be mad? Are you leaving? As long as you're not going to one of our rivals I won't be mad."
"No I'm not leaving... I'm just thinking. Doing the music video with Khalid and some of the other conversations that I had while I was in LA have got me thinking you know? I'm happy at the magazine though."
"But if you ever stopped being happy, you know I wouldn't expect you to stay at the magazine for me right? Your family wouldn't expect you to stay for them either."
I thought that was the end of the conversation. Normani went and lay down of the hammock; she looked completely lost in thought, so I went back to editing my picture. She sighed quietly, her breath coming out resigned and weary, and I thought she was just tired, because a few minutes later she dozed off. I think though, that was the moment she gave up.
I didn't notice when she woke up half an hour later until a cushion landed in my lap. Normani beckoned me over and after a few close calls, we both lay comfortably.
"Did you call me here so I could be your teddy bear?" She shook her head and snuggled up against me. "Are you just not going to speak?" Normani nodded. "Well if you're insisting on using non verbal communication, I know a few things that we could do." She smirked as she leaned in to kiss me. "I was talking about playing scrabble."
"Shut up Hansen," Normani murmured against my lips. As I moved to straddle her, the hammock tipped and we both ended up on the hard, wooden floor.
Normani
There was a beat of silence before Dinah and I burst into the kind of laughter where you start crying. This time when we got back into the hammock, I lay on my front while she lay on her back. "We're going to seriously injure each other one day."
I scoffed, "you already injured me, well your family did. Twice in one day."
Dinah rolled her eyes. "Thank you for this... I didn't know if it was too soon for us to be going away together and meeting the family."
"There's no such thing when it comes to relationships. And if this were a stereotypical relationship, we would have moved in together a long ass time ago."
"True, but we're supposed to be taking it slow you know? So stereotypes and rules don't apply to us."
I shrugged, "last night, seeing you with my parents and my aunt and uncle, I realized that I did want you to meet my parents. And you were super cool and amazing as always."
"I've been known to be pretty good with parents. Plus I actually I actually had fun with—"
"–I love you Hansen."
I should have known that the moment I felt strong enough to let myself love another person, the universe would test that strength.
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A/n: I know some of you hate the cryptic endings that I've been putting into some of my chapters but I can't resist. 😬