"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't slit your god damn throat, Hawks." I stated lowly, keeping Keigo pinned tightly against the wall.
He was panting slightly as I continued choking him. I let a small amount of oxygen pass through his airways, but I didn't want to be too generous and give him an opening to get away.
"Heh...ah....I...well, I just think I have some explaining to do, y'know." He choked out in amusement, causing me to loosen my grip on his neck just a little more.
He took a big breath at the feeling, keeping his half lidded eyes on me.
I was about to continue threatening him, before a whimpy sneeze escaped me. Involuntarily, I sniffled slightly as my feverish chills started.
Keigo's bloody mouth curled into a small smile at my sound, clearly thinking it was more cute than menacing.
"Aw, I know you're sick. I can feel your fever from here. Hey, now that we're on the subject, I see unopened medicine on your desk. Why haven't you taken it yet, little dove? Why aren't you taking care of yourself?" Keigo asked casually, as if the past five or six days never even happened.
I sneezed again, ignoring his question as I tried to gain back my tough exterior.
"Shut up." I growled out, leaning closer to him to keep him pinned down tightly.
He remained quiet for a moment, looking right into my eyes.
Those gorgeous eyes of his. Damn.
I felt myself starting to get lost in them, and Keigo could tell as he tried to lean his face towards mine again.
This bastard is really trying to kiss me again-
"Will you stop doing that!! Seriously, what is wrong with you?!" I reprimanded him, quickly slamming him back against the wall.
He whined softly, easily allowing me to restrain him again. It didn't even seem like he was taking any of this seriously.
"I'm sorry! I can't help it. I just missed you too damn much. I've been literally dreaming about kissing you for days. My god, you're gorgeous." He stated boldly, daring to keep my eye contact as he licked his soft lips.
It's like his Hawks attitude is still going in full force, even though it's just the two of us...
Feeling more confused about this whole situation than anything, I quickly brought my hand up, slapping Keigo across the face in response.
Once again, he didn't give any signs of pain, simply nodding in understanding.
"Okay. I'll admit, I definitely deserved that-"
"You deserve a whole lot more than that, you sick bastard." I growled at him, watching blood starting to trail down his mouth and nose from my dagger hit earlier.
"Right, right. And I agree with you, chicky. I really do. But see, this whole thing? Yeah, it's a complete misunderstanding. I've been kinda trying to explain that to you for the past, I don't know how many, days. Sure, I still majorly fucked up and you can hate me for the rest of your life, but wow, I'm just so happy to see you alive. Thank goodness you're okay. Aw, baby I was so worried about you." He breathed out in relief, the genuine smile growing even wider across his face now.
Oh my god I'm so confused.
"What do you mean you're so happy to see me alive?! Not more than two days ago you were practically ready to put my head on a spit!! Now, you're trying to kiss me?! Who's side are you on here??" I called out in frustration, resisting the urge to push his messy hair away from his eyes.
"Yours. Your side. I'm on your side, Ari. I've always been on your side. I never stopped." Keigo quickly responded, causing my body to go numb. I wasn't actually expecting an answer to that question. It was more rhetorical.
It was quiet for a moment, as I replayed his words in my head, thinking I must have misunderstood them.
"W-Wait-"
"Ari, I'm a double agent." Keigo quickly followed up, his words loud and clear, trying to get through to my dense head.
I stared at him in blank confusion, really not knowing how to feel. Is he playing a joke on me? Is he lying? Double agent?
Keigo watched me carefully, clearly knowing I wasn't following, before he continued.
"So....here's the truth.....I've been a double agent, working for the heroes, this whole time. What you saw a few days ago....the way I treated you, the way I interacted with the league....it's just a mission. A job. Nothing more." He stated clearly, studying my face for any immediate reactions.
I gave him absolutely nothing, still not wrapping my mind around anything. Keigo noticed this and decided to continue.
"I was never on the side of the villains, chicky. Never. I'm still in the wrong. I know that. I lied to you. I never told you the truth, because I thought you'd be safer if you didn't know. Admittedly, I ended up getting too deep into it, so I also didn't want you to hate me. God, there are so many things I haven't told you. So many things I've kept from you. I wanted to tell you. I don't like lying to you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about all of it. But, I am not a traitor, baby. I'm still a hero. My job was to gain the trust of the league of villains. That's all it was. That's all it is. I would never betray you. I love you. Wow, I love you so much. I could never betray you. You're my girl....you're....you're still my girl...." He babbled out a mile a minute, the words falling out of his mouth like word vomit.
I stared at him in pure disbelief, my jaw slightly ajar in pure shock. It's like his words were just bouncing off my brain, one by one, not absorbing any part of this.
So. Many. Questions.
What?
I don't understand. Surely, he's messing with me.
Of course, my first reaction is doubt.
I blinked a couple times, trying to regain my tough exterior.
"Bullshit!" I retorted very intelligently, keeping Keigo pressed against the wall.
He rapidly began shaking his head in disagreement, seeing this conversation was already going south, even though it just started.
"Not bullshit! That's the truth!"
"And why the hell would I believe you?!"
He sighed softly, expecting an answer like that, before his arms slowly lifted.
My eyes widened as I didn't even realize my quirk had deactivated at some point. Keigo must have been counting the seconds, even though I wasn't.
This guy knows me too well. He knows how to work me too good.
Too shocked to even retaliate, I watched as he gently grabbed my arm that was holding the dagger to his throat, slowly pulling it away from him.
His other hand came up, grabbing my arm that was locked around his neck, before he carefully pulled it away, too.
I looked at him absentmindedly, as a whirlwind of emotions festered around inside my head. He kept his hold on my arms, lowering them down to my sides.
"Your quirk stopped working forty seven seconds ago, sweetheart." Keigo whispered softly, slowly-very slowly, pulling me towards his body.
What he's trying to say, is that I've pretty much been defenseless against him for forty seven seconds. He could have easily already killed me with his feathers, if that was his intention for coming here.
But, he didn't. He simply let me restrain him.
I sighed softly at the feeling of his warm hands on me, almost succumbing to him right then and there as his arms started wrapping around my waist-
No. I can't. There are too many things left unsaid. I need to figure out what the hell is going on.
I closed my eyes to break our intense eye contact, pushing him away from me lightly.
He immediately backed off, looking unsurprised by my reaction, as he patiently waited for me to speak.
I tossed my dagger to the floor, not feeling like I even needed to try and defend myself from Keigo anymore. He wasn't here to harm me. That much was obvious.
I felt his eyes on me, watching me run a hand through my hair before I turned my back to him.
"Keigo, Keigo, Keigo. What the hell am I going to do with you..." I mumbled out, taking a seat on my bed.
Keigo slowly started walking over, intending to sit next to me.
"No." I said firmly, holding out my hand to tell him to stop walking.
Keigo immediately stopped walking, holding his hands up in surrender.
I tiredly rubbed my face, as I tried once again to wrap my mind around Keigo's words from before.
"Double agent....you're...a double agent, you say?" I muttered more to myself, blankly staring at the ground in thought.
Keigo ran an anxious hand through his hair, keeping his feet planted firmly in place.
"Yes, double agent. I'm a double agent....ask me anything you want, chicky. I'll tell you whatever you wanna know-" He started off, before I already felt triggered.
Good start.
I snapped my gaze up to him, standing up from the bed.
"Oh, you will? And how do I know that what you're telling me will be the truth? Seven months, Keigo. You've been lying to me for seven months. What else have you been lying to me about!! How do I even know our relationship was real!!?" I started off, watching his face contort into painful sadness. Even so, he looked as though this was the reaction he was expecting from me.
He was about to walk over again, before he remembered that I wanted to distance myself from him.
Once again, he planted his feet firmly in place, his wings flapping softly in frustration.
"No, no, no, baby. Don't say that. Please don't say that. It was real. It is real-"
"I mean, come to think of it, we started dating around the time Aizawa picked me to report on the league of villains. Were you just dating me to get closer to Dabi?-"
"No!!! Ari, I wasn't!! It's not like that with you, I swear! You're different! Through all of this, you're different, you're important to me!!-"
"And let's not forget about the fact that you also went behind my back and told Dabi everything I told you. So, yes, Keigo. You did betray me!!" I stated, starting to recover from my initial shock at the situation.
Now, I'm just angry.
Keigo rubbed his face tiredly, still looking like he hasn't slept in days.
"It was never my intention to drag you into this!! I was hoping I could keep my work life separated from you. I thought I was helping you, by keeping this from you. I swear on my life, that's the truth." He tried to explain, watching me pace the room stressfully.
"You punched me in the face." I retorted, watching him throw his head back in frustration.
"Ugh, I know I'm sorry. I punched you in the face, because-okay, okay, you look like you wanna kill me now, but just hear me out! I'm not trying to justify punching you!! I just want you to know where my head was at, that day! You wouldn't stop running your mouth to Dabi!! He was about to kill you and he would have if I didn't step in! It's not something I wanted to do!! You weren't making things very easy on me, either!!" He stated, raising his voice slightly.
"Oh!?! I'm sorry, Keigo!!! I'm so sorry my kidnapping was hard on you!! I'm sorry the beatings I received from Dabi and Toga, and the heartbreak I caused my parents was hard on you!!" I yelled, causing him to groan in annoyance.
"God, there you go again! That's not what I'm saying!! Stop twisting my words around, Diane." He retorted, immediately cringing at what he said.
Being the reactive person I am, I quickly grabbed the new lamp from my night table, chucking it at his head.
Keigo sighed softly at the incoming lamp, easily dodging it. A few moments later, it crashed and broke on the floor.
He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, realizing this conversation was going very poorly.
I mean, what did he expect? That I would just take him back with no questions? That he'd tell me the truth, and we'd live happily ever after, while he runs around like a little spy? This ain't a fairy tale, buddy.
"I'm sorry, little dove. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Look, I haven't slept...in quite a while, so my judgement of words may not be the best-what I'm trying to say is, you didn't have to be so confrontational to Dabi. You knew he was trying to kill you, yet you kept egging him on. Why would you do that to yourself?! I almost lost you on multiple occasions, because of that, Ari!! Do you understand that?! I almost lost you!!!" Keigo called out, his brows furrowing together in anger.
"Yeah, Keigo. That was kind of my plan. Sorry if I'd rather be burned alive than turned into a Nomu-"
"GOD DAMN IT, ARI!! I WAS NEVER GOING TO LET HIM TURN YOU INTO A NOMU! THAT WAS NEVER MY PLAN!!-" Keigo yelled, the passionate anger and frustration in his voice taking me by surprise.
"AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WHEN YOU DON'T TELL ME?!!" I shot back, feeling my own anger levels rise.
The anger in Keigo's eyes immediately dissipated at my words, before he squeezed them shut.
He grit his teeth in frustration with himself, directing his gaze to the floor.
His shoulders slumped, and I watched as the guilt started to eat him from the inside out. It seemed to be a regular thing for him at this point.
"I.....I-I know. I know. It was a mistake. I made a mistake. I'm not going to try and make excuses for it, because I can't. I'm just doing my best, here. I...I just wanted...to protect you." He sighed out, already knowing there was no way out of this one. It was very evident that he knew he was gonna be put through the ringer by coming here to see me.
He just wanted....to protect me...
Hm..
The thoughts began filling my head at an overwhelming pace, as the questions continued pouring out.
"Protect me...." I whispered out, remembering the sequence of events of this weekend:
"You're here to become the next high end Nomu, chicky."
"If burning her to a crisp is what everyone else wants to do, then so be it."
"I say, we stick to the original plan. Take her to Ujiko to become a Nomu-"
"Did you...really agree to Nomu-fy me?" I asked, feeling my voice coming out soft.
Keigo was quiet for a moment, pressing his lips together in dread.
He wasn't giving me much hope that he didn't do it.
"Ari, you gotta understand-"
"It's a yes or no question."
"But, there's more to it than just yes or no-"
"Keigo. It's a yes or no question!-"
"Yes." He stated blankly, causing my heart to practically drop all the way to floor.
Keigo sighed in sorrowful guilt, as he watched my face contort into sadness, causing him to quickly speak again.
"G-God, I know. I'm sorry-but, Ari, you need to understand what I was going through when I said that. Dabi gave me an ultimatum, ya see. I-I was just under a lot of pressure in the moment, and I just....I couldn't do it to you. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to taint what we had-what we have." He babbled, causing me to look up at him.
"Couldn't do what? What was the other end of the ultimatum?" I asked quietly.
"It...it doesn't matter anymore. Dabi made it clear to me that the choice was never really mine to begin with. But....he said I either had to sleep with someone, or bring you in to become a Nomu. I didn't want to cheat on you, so I went with the other option. But, I never intended to go through with it. You gotta believe me. The last day I texted you, I told you I wanted to talk, remember? I was going to tell you, Ari. I was going to tell you about me being a double agent, and get you and your family out of town. I was never going to let you be turned into a Nomu. I would never allow that. Ever." Keigo uttered almost inaudibly, blankly directing his gaze to the floor.
I scoffed slightly, about to question why the hell he chose to practically kill me, instead of cheat on me. I would have forgiven him for cheating on me, under those circumstances.
But then I looked over at his face, only now noticing the sheer trauma painted across it. Sure, he kept his head to the floor, trying to hide his true emotions from me as usual. But, still....he looked like he was about to break any second. The same way he did when he had his panic attack.
His face was genuine. His voice and his passion...were both genuine.
My mind flashed back to everything that's happened in the past couple of days.
Keigo's words. His exchanges. His actions. His choices.
The image of villain Keigo flashed in my head. Those sinister smiles, dark evil eyes, mocking remarks. Looking back on those times, now that my head is a little clearer, everything about villain Keigo was very forced. Very stiff. Very different from the man I've known for seven months.
Every word he said as a villain, was so contrast to something he would tell me, when we're alone. I realize now, he was probably purposely using these contrasts as a way to indicate to me that he was still on my side.
But I didn't pick up on it. I was too angry with him.
So, he was forced to carry on. Everything. Every single thing he did this past weekend was simultaneously meant as a show for Dabi, and a coded message for me...
Wow.
Smart bird. Such a smart bird. How didn't I see it back then?
The weird looks he gave me, he was clearly trying to tell me the truth. The way he tried to get Dabi to spare my life, when I ran my mouth-
The way he singlehandedly saved my life and helped me escape. I still don't know how he managed to pull that off. But, boy, do I remember how stressed he looked when I almost ran into him and Twice in the hallway.
In that moment, I could see that he was genuinely afraid.
Yet, he chose to press on....
He chose to press on for me. For my safety.
He didn't have to go through all of that trouble for me. He didn't have to save my life, and put his own life on the line for me. But he did.
Yes, he's the one who put me in this situation, but he's also the one who got me out.
Yes, he hurt me this weekend. He lied to me and betrayed my trust. And I still don't know how to feel about that. That's the reality. I'm still having a hard time accepting that part. That's just life...
Yes, this was hard on me.
But, there's no doubt in my mind that this is hard on him, too.
And I know for a fact that he's not lying to me about the pain and guilt he's feeling at this moment.
So, what do I do? I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. I thought that if Keigo ever showed up on my doorstep the way he did tonight, I'd either kill him or all of my questions would be magically answered.
But, I'm still very confused. I'm still very hurt.
I continued mulling over my conflict, before I saw Keigo suddenly grab his nose.
Blood began seeping through his fingers as he quickly threw his head up to the ceiling to stop the dripping.
I groaned in slight guilt upon seeing his nose bleeding again, from where I hit him before.
Curse my totally awesome and powerful right hook.
I slowly trudged over to my bathroom, gathering some supplies so I could clean his nose.
"Hey, chicky. Remind me to never make you mad again. It's scary." He teased from my bedroom, yet his voice was soft and quiet. Meek, almost.
There he goes again. Still trying to make jokes. Still trying his best to make light of the situation.
When will he stop using his defense mechanisms around me? When will he finally let his guard down...
I didn't respond to his attempt at reducing the tension, instead coming back out a few moments later with a wash cloth and some tissues.
"Come here, Keigo. Let me fix you."