Don't know why but the urge in his voice for me to stay beside him is pulling me more and more towards him. We both are drowned in each other's eyes with insignificant emotion to hold with where silence takes the place of words. I just can't take my eyes away from him. Finally Jim breaks the silence as he asks, "When will the plane take off?" His expression is saying he said this just to divert both of our attention from each other.
"I'm not sure. Maybe in a few minutes", I speak up realizing the need to get over the situation. In the next moment the announcement is made and the plane takes off.
I happen to peep through my window as I got the window seat and the view is just incredible. It feels like, leaving everything behind I am flying in the sky going high and high in the land of clouds. The floating clouds feels like the dreams which I once had; a complete and happy family. Don't know why suddenly I'm missing Mom so much. Actually this is my first plane journey and I remember when I was eight I told her that I wanna go to the sky with her, touch the clouds to which she said, "One day you will. On December, after your exam are over we'll go to New Jersey , you Grandpa's house and we'll go there by plane. Then you can see the clouds and you'll be flying high in the sky."
"Really mom! I love you", I hugged her. "Mom, I'll take the window seat, you'll sit beside me and we'll together watch the clouds", I said with utter excitement then. As these memories flushed in my mind, drop of tear rolls down my eye. Today I am here, amidst these clouds but Mom...she is not beside me.
I feel like talking to someone right now. Someone who can understand me. Then I realize I have a person beside me with whom I can share my feelings without any hesitation because don't know how and when he has become my certain kind of comfort zone. It's true there's a bit shyness, hesitation between us but there's also a different kind of comfort.
"Jim", I say facing him only to find him sunk in his own world of thoughts closing his eyes and putting headphones in his ears. He looks simple yet different remaining in the common posture. Everything about him attracts me. I just stare at him for few split seconds. I finally decide, why pass this plane journey is such a boring way? I immediately take the headphones out from his ears and he looks at me in surprise. "Come on. I'm getting bored. Say something", I say to him as an answer to his reaction.
"What will I say?" He chuckles after sitting properly as he faces me.
"Umm...hey. Tell me about you family..", and I stop as I remember he doesn't like talking about his family with anyone and last time he got upset because of this. "I.. I'm sorry. I know you don't like talking about your family. I'm really sorry. I just blurted out by mistake", I utter the sentences in a hurry and watch him looking at me with 'zero' expression.
"Eila", Jim calls me. As far as I remember, this is the first time he called my name and I must say I want to hear him call my name again and again. Even my name sounds great to me, when he pronounces
"Hmm", I response.
"It's okay. I have no problem sharing with you", he says with a natural smile on his face. "Actually my Dad's no more. I love him a lot. So it's just I don't feel comfortable sharing this with anyone."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that. But..", I pause, "then why are you sharing this with me?", I say in response to his saying as our eyes collide. Does he find me worthy to share details about his family?
"I don't know. But I just feel like I can share with you", he says with utmost ardour in his eyes.
"What happened to your dad?" I wonder if I should've asked it like this.
"He committed suicide", he says breaking the eye contact and I know how he's feeling right now. "You know Eila, I love him a lot. I miss him. I miss him so much", he says and teardrop rolls down his eyes. I don't know what to say. I shouldn't have dragged the topic. I am not liking the fact that she's getting glum like this. I think I shouldn't drag the matter any further, questioning as to why his Dad committed suicide and all. The next moment, immediately I move my hand and place it over his palm with our fingers getting entangled, intending to comfort his soul. He looks into my eyes and I give him a comforting smile which he understands through the language of our eyes which is surely a certain kind of magic I should say that, we don't need words to explain each other. Also I am shocked how I just held his hand! He's different. He's just different.
Now I don't know what to say next. Finally Jim speaks out the words breaking the awkward silence, "What about your family?"
"My Mom's no more and Dad...", I stop and remember all the incidents of past.
"Where's he?" Jim asks.
"I don't know", I face him, "He left us. He's the reason behind every single tragedy in my life. He's the reason behind my Mom's death. I hate him. I just hate him", I say trying to hold back my tears as all things are running in my mind as a flashback. I never shared these things with anyone, I mean, the way I am doing in front of him. There's a different proximity between us which only we can gasp. Probably Jim understood my condition and so without saying any further he tightens his grip over my hand. Things are changing between us. I am changing. My whole demography is changing. But I'm loving this change.